Predict the coming "stories" about Ten Hag and United

horsechoker

The Caf's Ezza.
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As the connection between ETH grows so too will the opportunity for the to get creative, what kind of stories do we expect to see?

Ten Hag's wife unsure about life in Manchester.

United in doubt over ETH's playing career

Brexit could scupper Ten Hag deal

Ten Hag wants to knock down Alex Ferguson statue

ETH sleeps nude in oxygen tent which he says gives him "sexual powers"

United want ETH to appoint a club "puppy" but can't be a golden retriever
 
ETH agent shares link with some player who was involved in criminal activity
 
Ronaldo wants to speak with ETH to clarify how he fits in with his plans for the Manchester United first team.






Ditching pronouns for clarity:
How ETH fits in with Ronaldo's plans for the first team
 
Manchester United concerned about EtH's English.

Manchester United worried about lack of hair on EtH's head.

Manchester United's Joel Glazer not fond of EtH, because latter laughed his head off when Joel said Martial is Pele.
 
Worries grow over Ten Hag’s control over superstars in dressing room.

Ronaldo unhappy with playing time under Ten Hag

Neville says Poch would have been a better fit

United board and EtH don’t agree on transfer targets.

X, Y and Z say Ten Hag needs another season to implement his style
 
Will all be about how Ronaldo doesn’t fancy him as he doesn’t trust baldlys since falling out with Zidane.
 
Erik ten Hag being angry over people in the club constantly calling him Ten Haag.
 
Breaking: Ten Hag appointed Manchester United manager.

Breaking: Manchester United storm to top of Premier League after winning first 10 matches, Ten Hag's United look unstoppable.

Breaking: Ten Hag missing, Pochettino nowhere to be found either.

Breaking: Ten Hag found safe and well, but seems to have grown long dark hair and refuses to speak Dutch.

Breaking: Ten Hag fired following 15 game losing run, Pochettino favorite to take over.
 
New manager, same United. Why Ten Hag has ditched his philosophy after poor run of form.

Players are not buying into Ten Hag's new methods.

Players are not happy with canteen and new dietary requirements.

Players do not feel like extra training sessions are needed.

Ten Hag losing dressing room after Shaw, Maguire, Henderson bring up concerns over current regime and training.

Shaw DM'd Poch after United loss to say he is wanted at United.

Maguire liked a tweet from Poch after being dropped by Ten Hag

Henderson leaks team to Poch after claiming he wants to be United no.1 as Ten Hag states he is the most over rated goalkeeper of all time.
 
Ten Hag? more like Ten Hung as Manchester United lose their way in Europa conference leauge

ETH confirms Maguire as the long term captain choice
 
10 things Erik ten Hag did that would annoy United fans! You WON’T believe No.4! This WOULD make United fans think twice!

Talksport pundit: Never heard of Ten Hag until last week. Southgate should be an open goal for Utd
 
BREAKING: Ten Hag fights Harry Maguire in Greece. Authorities more than happy to comment.
 
Ten Hag’s choice, money or pep?
 
Lowkey said:
New manager, same United. Why Ten Hag has ditched his philosophy after poor run of form.

Players are not buying into Ten Hag's new methods.

Players are not happy with canteen and new dietary requirements.

Players do not feel like extra training sessions are needed.

Ten Hag losing dressing room after Shaw, Maguire, Henderson bring up concerns over current regime and training.

Shaw DM'd Poch after United loss to say he is wanted at United.

Maguire liked a tweet from Poch after being dropped by Ten Hag

Henderson leaks team to Poch after claiming he wants to be United no.1 as Ten Hag states he is the most over rated goalkeeper of all time.
Click to expand...
Game over. All are a matter of time
 
Heartbreaking story has been revealed about Erik ten Hag!
Link in the comments.
 
Marcus Rashford transfer request shocker. 'His head blinded me during shootout, I can't do this anymore.'

De Gea drops the truth bomb. 'Bald men can't train goalkeepers'.

Luke Shaw asks Jerry Springer for help. 'Boss feeds me with vegetables and vitamins.'

Phil Jones injury woe continues. 'He threw me down the stairs.'
 
Overmars: “I was the real brains behind Ajax success. Does anyone want to see my willy?”
 
Howson: Two deals for new players already agreed under Ten Hag. Donate to my Patreon and gain access to our Discord channels to join the discussion to see who they are
 
Ten Hag unable to find head shining product in Manchester
 
Dressing room goes mad after Ten Hag brings 7th Dutch player to the club. "We dont even talk in English but just in Dutch. They constantly talk among themselves in that language and then laugh. We dont get the jokes but just smile.", one senior player said, initials L. S.
 
Ten Hag wants players to be intimate with each other

Sad Hag: United manager struggling with life in Manchester

Slag Hag:: Players heard slagging off the managers methods

Hen Hag. United boss tells players wags to stop interfering in football matters.

Mag vs Hag: Maguire and Ten Hag in punch up

Players had to wiki who he is.
 
United players FURIOUS that ETH will demand they have no chips for their tea, and no sex on match days so they actually have to run
 
Ten Hag SHOCKED at the lack of footballers in Manchester United's squad.
 
Looking forward to the lazy journalism linking us to just about anyone with a pulse on Ajax's books, much like they did with LvG, linking us to every Dutch player on earth.
 
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