Manchester United v Wrexham - Friendly match (behind closed doors) - 2PM kickoff

When choosing your future wife consider this: she will most likely look exactly like her mother by the time she’s fifty.
 
I said to the chemist, 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said, 'Why?' I said, 'She keeps waking up.
 
She was the flabbiest stripper I've ever seen. When she ran off the stage she started her own applause.
 
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
 
Of course I shouldn’t have expected updates from todays game.

No, no - a one man stand up show was always more likely
 
Anyone know where in midfield Garner played, please?

I know ten Hag put him as a number 8 against Villa but I think he'd be much better as a 6.
 
So it must've been something like;

Mejbri
Garnacho Amad Chong
Eriksen Garner
Telles Martinez Varane ????
 
I'm from Wrexham. We have a really good team. Calling us 'scum' is typical of someone who doesn't know us. I'm also a Utd fan. Cannot for the life of me work out how this is a behind closed doors match though!!! Unless, Danny DeVIto and Ryan fancy a kickabout!!!!
Me too, which part? (don’t say “all of me”) :)

He did, played CH for United
 
Les Dawson didn't even need the mother in law bits, he was very good and still watchable unlike a lot of that era.
Comedy genius. And a very, very good piano player despite how it looked.

But keeping in line with the thread…

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.” (Dave Spikey)
 
People often ask me: "What's the difference between a northern audience and a southern audience?" Frankly, as far as I'm concerned there's no difference ... they don't laugh at me in the south either
 
I wish all match day threads were like this where no one has a clue with what's going on in the game.
 
We really have tons of miserable fans who just can't have a laugh in their life. How can any human being live like this?