Davo apologises for his absence, I finally tracked him down in Hull and kicked the shit out of him (having danced nimbly around him a bit first, obviously). I will therefore take over the commentary for the first bout, though for all you Davo fans, don't worry the big man himself will be resuming from his hospital bed shortly, as I was careful to leave his mouth and larynx intact. As for the rest of his face, I can only say it's an improvement. My Dr. Martins are qualified to perform a fecking facelift it seems...
Well here we are in Beverley Westwood, not technically Hull proper but feck it, I'm the 'kin referee for this one. Some self-styled pundits have also whined on about how it's not fair for one of the contestants' trainer to be the ref. To those people I say, Look I'm the fecking ref you cnut.
Liv's warming up in the left hand corner, the Southampton Scorcher picking her way round the cow-pats in her traditional white T-Shirt with a sort of black apron over the top and a blue handbag. PSV is already in her bikini, a Dutch-style leather dominatrix one with great metal spikes on it, and what's happening...well, it looks like the ref's invoking paragraph 11b of the code he just invented, and telling the Eindhoven belle he's not having it, you could take an eye out with one of those. PSV's just meekly obeying, to be honest the lass looks absolutely knackered, there has been some speculation that controversial double-trainer Rams has been working her and Tineke a bit too hard in the run-up to this fight. We shall see.
Liv's out of her clothes and bloody hell she looks in fantastic shape, and well up for it in an understated Laura Ashley G-string and bra with little autumnal leaves printed on it and two lovely winter berries.
And they're off! Liv slips nimbly onto the offensive, PSV limps gingerly backwards, it really does look like it's painful for her to even walk and she has the blank dead expression of a woman who's seen too much...
OOH! and that was ever so nimble from mild-mannered cherubic killing machine Livvie20, dancing around the stunned PSV there and kicking her in the head. PSV's 3-inch stillettos looking no match for Liv's Ole Gunnar Solskjaer slippers which dodge and shimmy so very nimbly, but how can this be? Ace Dutch football presenter Johan Derkson predicted an easy win for the Netherlands Ninja here on Humberside, and he's never been wrong about anything!
PSV's thinking on her feet now, picking up some cow-pats and lobbing them at the Thoroughly Modern Mod, but look at the way she nimbly ducks them, oh that is nimbleness the like of which Beverley hasn't seen since Hilda Ogden accidently packed a monkey in her suitcase coming home from Gibraltar, Liv's dodged every single one and not so much as a gobbet of bovine shite has besmirched her taut but maternal tum...
PSV seems to be getting her second wind though, BLAM! and she's landed an uppercut! But no, nope the referee has given her a warning, foul play, he's having a word with her now and Ooh bloody hell! she's mysteriously tripped up and landed waist-deep in an enormous cow-pat! and now Liv's on top of her, terrific little opportunist and look at the grace, control and sheer bleddy nimblitude with which she dances, dances dances round her stricken foe, yes kicking her in the head and it looks like the ref's gonna end this yes he is, the south coast destroyer is through, feck you PSV, feck you Rams, feck Davo, feck Hull, feck England, feck the world it's a glorious day for all-girl bikini mudwrestling, a glorious day for Lovely Liv and a glorious day for me, your host, commentator, top trainer and referee, Plechazunga, The Flying Pig, I thank you, and Davo I hope you're watching out your working eye cos now you know the Power of the Plech.
Well here we are in Beverley Westwood, not technically Hull proper but feck it, I'm the 'kin referee for this one. Some self-styled pundits have also whined on about how it's not fair for one of the contestants' trainer to be the ref. To those people I say, Look I'm the fecking ref you cnut.
Liv's warming up in the left hand corner, the Southampton Scorcher picking her way round the cow-pats in her traditional white T-Shirt with a sort of black apron over the top and a blue handbag. PSV is already in her bikini, a Dutch-style leather dominatrix one with great metal spikes on it, and what's happening...well, it looks like the ref's invoking paragraph 11b of the code he just invented, and telling the Eindhoven belle he's not having it, you could take an eye out with one of those. PSV's just meekly obeying, to be honest the lass looks absolutely knackered, there has been some speculation that controversial double-trainer Rams has been working her and Tineke a bit too hard in the run-up to this fight. We shall see.
Liv's out of her clothes and bloody hell she looks in fantastic shape, and well up for it in an understated Laura Ashley G-string and bra with little autumnal leaves printed on it and two lovely winter berries.
And they're off! Liv slips nimbly onto the offensive, PSV limps gingerly backwards, it really does look like it's painful for her to even walk and she has the blank dead expression of a woman who's seen too much...
OOH! and that was ever so nimble from mild-mannered cherubic killing machine Livvie20, dancing around the stunned PSV there and kicking her in the head. PSV's 3-inch stillettos looking no match for Liv's Ole Gunnar Solskjaer slippers which dodge and shimmy so very nimbly, but how can this be? Ace Dutch football presenter Johan Derkson predicted an easy win for the Netherlands Ninja here on Humberside, and he's never been wrong about anything!
PSV's thinking on her feet now, picking up some cow-pats and lobbing them at the Thoroughly Modern Mod, but look at the way she nimbly ducks them, oh that is nimbleness the like of which Beverley hasn't seen since Hilda Ogden accidently packed a monkey in her suitcase coming home from Gibraltar, Liv's dodged every single one and not so much as a gobbet of bovine shite has besmirched her taut but maternal tum...
PSV seems to be getting her second wind though, BLAM! and she's landed an uppercut! But no, nope the referee has given her a warning, foul play, he's having a word with her now and Ooh bloody hell! she's mysteriously tripped up and landed waist-deep in an enormous cow-pat! and now Liv's on top of her, terrific little opportunist and look at the grace, control and sheer bleddy nimblitude with which she dances, dances dances round her stricken foe, yes kicking her in the head and it looks like the ref's gonna end this yes he is, the south coast destroyer is through, feck you PSV, feck you Rams, feck Davo, feck Hull, feck England, feck the world it's a glorious day for all-girl bikini mudwrestling, a glorious day for Lovely Liv and a glorious day for me, your host, commentator, top trainer and referee, Plechazunga, The Flying Pig, I thank you, and Davo I hope you're watching out your working eye cos now you know the Power of the Plech.
