Don't know. It's possible. I think the US also wanted Brexit, but for different reasons. So very possible that Putin wanted it, too. Especially if he thought it would lead to destabalization in Europe more generally.
Okay. So it seems to me we agree on a number of issues.
1. Russia has Putin as an autocrat. In Russia "democracy" is much weaker than in most EU countries.
2. Between the Russian State, and any EU State, we prefer the European.
3. Russia tried to undermine EU democracies as much as they could.
4. Russia is not justified in invading Ukraine.
5. Russia is responsible for thousands of deaths in Ukraine, both Ukrainians soldiers and civilians, and their own Russian soldiers.
Now, where do we disagree?
Given all the above, at this point in time when we have a full scale bloody war, my opinion is that it is irrelevant what Putin and the Russians think of as a "provocation". They are clearly the aggressor here. In my opinion, this is similar to talking about what Hitler thought was a provocation against Germany (and yes, there are books about this, the Versailles treaty, the reparations and so on ).
Also, I have read that even the existence of "Western Democracy" is a provocation for some Russian theoreticians and politicians, because the Russian Soul is different. European democracy will bring Gay Parades in Russia and this will destroy the Russian Soul. And if Russia loses its Soul, why should it exist at all? Yes, there are such nihilistic nationalistic forces in Russia.
We can acknowledge all that. Even if we believe that it is bullshit. But the question is what can we do in practice? You said you do not have an answer. The only possibility I can see is what Finland and Sweden are doing. Russians can find many real or imagined provocations, we cannot do much about it, we can only protect ourselves from them.