Dele Alli | Overlap Interview with Neville opens up on childhood trauma and mental health issues

OverratedOpinion said:
The sad thing is that from the way he was so difinitive in not wanting a relationship with him, I imagine there is more there with his dad that we don't know about.
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It’s a strange one because his dad comes from a well to do and very wealthy family and by all accounts is a good and very successful man. My
Dad was mates with his dad and his uncle (more so his uncle) in Nigeria. I’ve never really delved into questioning what went on with his family but I suspect the problems originate from his Dad not being around when he was growing up. Not because his dad was an “absent father” but he was studying/growing businesses etc and wasn’t even based in the U.K. so Dele sort of just grew up with his mum. I think that’s probably where the issues started and Dele has grown to resent him as he wasn’t around when all the bad shit went down. His dad also remarried and had other kids so yeah I think all those circumstances have led to a breakdown in their relationship.
 
Rocksy said:
Isn’t this just really sanctimonious? If he is ignorant (or not) what difference does it make to your life?
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Rocksy said:
I’ve got depression, OCD and anxiety. On plenty of the Sertraline myself, the highest dose, but so what? If Dele got abused then that’s terrible, but what does it matter whether GifLord ofRedcafe has Solius’s required level of empathy for Dele, me or anyone else?
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I don't really understand these posts. I mean, what point are you trying to make here? It's a forum, a user posted something that many others found insensitive (at best; looking at previous messages it's fairly obvious it's not just insensitivity), and got several replies. What do other posters care about what a poster posts in a forum? Come on, mate.
 
What I don't get is when fans turn on players who seemingly have the world at their feet and then nosedive. Surely the first thought should be what's going on to cause that as there's few in the world who actively wish to destroy their career trajectory or earning potential.

It's like all those who have turned on Sancho; there's no period of reflection and wondering why someone who was one of the best performers in the world has absolutely capitulated?

Delli-Alli is clearly at the extreme end of the spectrum and what he's dealing with is hopefully not the norm for others, but we've seen Gazza, who's own childhood trauma has governed his life, or Best or Maradona and so on all have their careers derail because of things that have nothing to do with football. You'd think there would be more pause for thought before these players get the boot stuck into them.
 
You forget these are just boys/young men, thrust into the limelight, given massive resources, ridiculous pressure, into a weird, insular world with rules but also conversely no rules, where people make up stuff about you and blame you for a result not happening so their accumulator didn't come in. Everyone you meet wants something from you and it's hard to trust people.

They're still kids when they enter this world and it stunts their growth. It's really sad.
 
My story isn't too different from Dele's, and it took me until 35 to eventually spiral out of control. One of the things a lot of child abuse survivors learn is resilience, so not crashing until later on is totally understandable.

I'm really glad he talked about the childhood sexual abuse, there are far too few high profile survivors and it's really hard to cope with how insidious and deep the trauma goes for childhood sexual abuse. I still have night terrors 30 years later.


As for this post:
GifLord said:
He was doing this shit when he was at the top of his game back in 2016-17.
You easily accept players mental issues but then you could do the same for serial killers, hedge fund bankers who wasted money, a girl who cheated on you multiple times,...
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This post is cnut, no, crackhead.
 
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cafecillos said:
I don't really understand these posts. I mean, what point are you trying to make here? It's a forum, a user posted something that many others found insensitive (at best; looking at previous messages it's fairly obvious it's not just insensitivity), and got several replies. What do other posters care about what a poster posts in a forum? Come on, mate.
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I answered your question with someone else, but I’ll go again.:)

GL said something that’s probably insensitive, and I think it’s fine to have a go at him for that, but I don’t see why that should also have to go with calling for bans etc. I haven’t read the forum rules actually. Maybe there is a rule that you can be banned for being ignorant about mental health, or not posting with a certain level of empathy. Most boards just require you not to be an obviously abusive cnut :lol:
 
Isn’t it startling how someone who went through so much could even be remotely as successful as he was when he was at his best?

This highlights the huge complexities of mental health issues. The people you talk to every day might be masking something horrific internally yet seem like a completely happy person to you. And yet there’s still many muppets who label it all bollocks.

So many of the worlds problems stem from mental health issues. Not to go in a tangent but treating mental health issues from poor early life circumstance would be the proper remediation for many things which cause people to do bad things in future.

So I have huge respect for Dele. Not just for sharing his story so bravely, but continuing to highlight the seismic impact mental health issues can have even if outwardly someone seems fine.

The more we talk about it, the less we stigmatise it, and the more people who are less likely to bottle it up like Dele has for so long and instead seek the help they need.
 
Can’t believe he’s still only 27

Would be amazing if he could get anywhere near his former level
 
I have ADHD and anxiety and it didn't realize how much I perfected putting on a mask that everything was alright until last year. No matter how put together you pretend to be it always come crashing down if you don't seek help. I'm glad Dele Alli is getting it.
 
Fortitude said:
What I don't get is when fans turn on players who seemingly have the world at their feet and then nosedive. Surely the first thought should be what's going on to cause that as there's few in the world who actively wish to destroy their career trajectory or earning potential.

It's like all those who have turned on Sancho; there's no period of reflection and wondering why someone who was one of the best performers in the world has absolutely capitulated?

Delli-Alli is clearly at the extreme end of the spectrum and what he's dealing with is hopefully not the norm for others, but we've seen Gazza, who's own childhood trauma has governed his life, or Best or Maradona and so on all have their careers derail because of things that have nothing to do with football. You'd think there would be more pause for thought before these players get the boot stuck into them.
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The toxicity towards players by fans when players underperform always makes me feel uneasy. The sad thing is if this story wasn't so heartbreaking most would have a reaction similar to Giflord.
 
Rocksy said:
I answered your question with someone else, but I’ll go again.:)

GL said something that’s probably insensitive, and I think it’s fine to have a go at him for that, but I don’t see why that should also have to go with calling for bans etc. I haven’t read the forum rules actually. Maybe there is a rule that you can be banned for being ignorant about mental health, or not posting with a certain level of empathy. Most boards just require you not to be an obviously abusive cnut :lol:
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I didn't think you were referring only to the harshest replies or the replies calling for bans and whatnot, but to merely engaging with him, hence my bafflement (what's the point of engaging with another poster on a forum? I mean, that's the whole point of forums, it doesn't need to "matter" or make any difference to anybody's life).

But even with that in mind, as a mod has already said, he had repeated violations, it's not as if he was a model poster before this.
 
GifLord said:
He was doing this shit when he was at the top of his game back in 2016-17.
You easily accept players mental issues but then you could do the same for serial killers, hedge fund bankers who wasted money, a girl who cheated on you multiple times,...
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fecking hell. Stick to posting Gifs.
 
This really opens our eyes to how much struggling some of those athletes had growing up, and how much suffering they might have in real life affecting their performance on the pitch while we - fans - slaughter them for playing poorly or accusing them of not giving their all or sulking while they have shit happening in their life.

I have to apologize for this guy for whatever I criticized him for.
 
Van Piorsing said:
Neville did quite well in that interview.
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He did, I think he was shocked at what he was being told, particularly as he'd worked with him in the England set-up and he'd no idea about any of it
 
I think this also might be a wake up call for some of us United fans, me included, in regard to Sancho and the criticism he's had in the CAF
 
Red in STL said:
He did, I think he was shocked at what he was being told, particularly as he'd worked with him in the England set-up and he'd no idea about any of it
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Indeed, he was a chess player in that interview, when he's usually the one being animated soul of the company in his TV pieces.
 
Red in STL said:
I think this also might be a wake up call for some of us United fans, me included, in regard to Sancho and the criticism he's had in the CAF
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Great post. Absolutely embarassing posts in the player performances thread already. Support your player ffs.

Regarding Dele, really glad he's in a better place. How amazing would it be if he regained his supreme form of old. Cracking player on his day.
 
The sad thing about the interview was that deli said he had to do the interview sooner than he was ready to do so because the papers had found out he was in rehab and were trying to dig for more information as to why he was there.

They are absolute rancid scum
 
I grew up in one of the most deprived run down areas of MK, thankfully my Dad was great and did his best to show another way out of it, but some of the stories he says here about mum's/dad's drinking/drugs all day rings very true to what I saw from friends lives back then for sure very tough upbringing without mentioning all the other stuff he talks about
 
Its sad and horrific what people go thru witj childhood trauma. I am glad he is seeking help. We sometimes forget sports people are humans too and are susceptible to the same things anyone goes thru. Being in the public eye makes it harder to deal with these things.
 
Hopefully a lesson to those who have zero empathy for these young men just because they play football and earn lots of money. A little kindness goes a long way, and the 90 mins you see them on the pitch plus whatever picture the press decides to paint of them never gives you a full picture of them and their world. We can debate about rivalries, even performances, or the lack thereof, but we can still be respectful of fellow humans - which they are.

Even posting in places like here, you cannot guarantee that your 'victim' is not reading.
 
I've made a thread in the newbies section about my current struggle with mental health. I was in two minds about it as it is difficult to open up and to get passed that stigma of men needing to be tough.

I'm so glad I did. Just doing so and being able to put it out there helped. It felt good and the replies have been amazing. So many people wishing me well and showing a lot understanding. I think we have come forward with our understanding and acknowledgment of mental health issues but unfortunately there will still be absolutely nonsense and rather harmful takes on it such as giflords.

I know he didn't want to this interview yet and was forced to do so by our scumbag media but hopefully just by doing it will have helped him. Sometimes being able to talk about it can be a big step to improving things.
 
el3mel said:
We told the guy several times he should stick to Gifs. His takes on football are always nonsensical.
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This isn't really about football TBH, it's about life and how it can feck you up sometimes
 
Pogue Mahone said:
To be honest, I find the decision to put “girl who cheated on you several times” alongside serial killers the most disturbing thing in that post.
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Im not going to lie, I did pause when he said that and contemplated it. How would I feel if my partner cheats on me and I later find out she had similar upbringing to Dele Alli...Could I compartmentalise my feelings?

Anyway back on topic. I hope he continues to get help, these are things that will probably be with him for life.
 
As someone who has forged a successful career myself (former CEO and current director of a major company), and done it from a background of being abused sexually as a child, and twice falling into addiction and self destructive behaviour; this story does nothing but tear at my heart strings. People who haven’t been through shit like that will never know how profoundly it affects you every day of your life. The self loathing you can have, despite knowing it’s not your fault. And the incessant need to numb yourself to the pain so you can keep functioning at the highest level. I can only imagine it’s even harder when you have millions of people spectating your every move. I am lucky enough that I only had to deal with friends, family, and a board of directors. Not tens of thousands of spectators, or millions of readers.

I couldn’t give a shit how he performs at this point. I hope the lad gets the help he needs and is able to get mentally healthy, because that’s all that matters at this point.

A few years ago there was a study done that showed that people who had been victim to extreme childhood trauma, either ended up very successful - because they had naturally developed incredible stress coping mechanisms - or a complete mess. The study found that there were a disproportionately high number of top executives and leaders who had traumatic backgrounds versus the general population.

Unfortunately, from personal experience I can also say that to be true, but that it also leads people to operate at a “red line” level for far longer than they should. My trauma created someone who was incredibly driven and able to handle any crisis. I almost revelled in it. But I put myself through extreme physical and mental strain to get there, and there arrived a point where my coping mechanisms crashed down and all the trauma came flooding back in, and I was unable to cope with anything. Thought about killing myself many, many times in that period, and it was only being a father that stopped me from doing so. It’s an unnatural state to be in. It sounds like Dele went through the same thing, and his trigger was being dropped and not played, which tapped into his self loathing and crumbled all the self protective walls.

We are so harsh as a society. We have such a shitty grasp on mental health, and an even shittier response to it. I hope this lad gets healthy, I really do. I feel his pain.
 
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Massive respect for speaking out like this. Will be an eye-opener for many people, and hopefully provide a bit of hope or guidance to others going through similar stuff.
 
This was really hard to watch - he’s such a brave, brave guy and major credit for being able to do this interview. Neville also did very well. To become as successful as he has after his upbringing takes a lot - hopefully he can steer his career, or life back on track after all this - and the tabloids give him a break.

The two parts that made me think deeper is first about the sleeping pills - and how he believes he’s not the only one - which is something that was definitely not known to me - but seems quite common within football - which was backed by Neville. That seriously cannot be good or healthy for someone long term.

Secondly it made me think about Sancho and Maguire. I have no ideas about their upbringings - but obviously they’ve had issues and set backs. Sancho’s was more obvious as he had that time off for rehab - but with his big move that has been underwhelming, his penalty miss, being dropped completely from England, and the Greek incident and becoming a inter Meme for Maguire.

I’m not saying they have had similar scenarios - but just makes me think there may always be reasons behind their dip - most that we would never know about. Sometimes we all forget that despite being paid millions, they have similar problems as normal people and most even worse, as they will always have a spotlight on them.
 
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