The RedCafe Annual Awards 2011 | First Page Edited With Insults

[WeasteDevil]

This is like roasting lamb!

 

[Skywarden]

Should have written that post with a space between each row.

You know.

Like the man himself always does.

It's quite annoying.

 

[Big-Red]

 

[Brophs]

The Award for Worst Windup of 2011

ITK/In the know: informed, aware

I know what you’re thinking...neither of those words sums up the winner of this year’s worst wum award. But maybe it’s all of us that don’t quite get it? Maybe we just don’t have the inside track on what’s going on at Old Trafford on a day-to-day basis? In his own words:

Nani to Italy

I expect nani to be part of a plus cash deal for sneijder. The plus cash bit will be5-10m so set the fee at 10m below sneijders...simples

Fergie wants sneijder and nani plus cash is the only way inter will let it happen-they are driving a very hard bargain. The boss feels young can adequately cover nanis contribution.

Perhaps +10m is a little high. Lets say +5m and put 5m back in the pot towards the winter window.

21 june sneijder part ex for nani. thats the date the deal will be agreed, cant be sure when they will announce it.

Sneijder is the top target inter are insisting on nani in return which the club have agreed to but there are other offers on the table.
If we get sneijder then young is seen as the replacement for nani.

If we don't get sneijder then Sanchez is the top target in which case nani will likely be sold to inter and young would not be required. Again there are other offers on the table.

We would then look for a more cost effective centre mid solution possibly nasri but could be someone else completely different. Maybe kagawa, or Adam, but that is just speculation.

This is why our big dealings have stalled, bit of a stand off. Also why young was getting a bit miffed and was looking like the scousers were favourites to sign him last week.

Rodwell will sign.

Saf is desperate to sign sneijder...maybe nani plus cash isn't proving tempting enough to inter.

Appropriate White text

Once one drops they will all start slotting into place. looks like Sanchez to barca will be the catalyst.
Young deal confirmed.
Berba to psg at discount rate.
Varane in and then out again on loan to psg
Sneijder in nani out
Rodwell in.

On Rooney leaving

Always on ferguson's terms. This was inevitable from the day he said he wanted out.

Rooney will leave On ferguson's terms. Just Rooney wasn't supposed to know about it yet...oops

The story has some truth behind it but discussions had been tentative and have not involved the player, hence the clubs immediate denial. Rooney could be off though, sooner than he thinks...

His defence

You will struggle to find anything that I have posted that has not been true at the time of writing.

I cannot predict the future I can only report what I understand to be the truth at a particular point in time. Take this as a general caveat such that I don't have to put a disclaimer on all my posts, then just remember where you heard it first(or put me on ignore)

At the time of writing all of those things were very much on the cards.
Sneijder was very nearly a done deal- the deal fell through, I couldn't have foreseen that.
Nani was initially proposed as part of the deal if we had signed Sanchez; ferguson still sees nani as dispensable and he could leave in the summer.
Rodwell will sign.
Pogba and Morrison have now become part of the first team squad.
All of the above were posted before being reported in the press. As previous I can't predict the future...even Alec can't be sure of what is going to happen, these things are fluid, ever changing, and there are so many variables. Those who believe in me will be vindicated, thanks guys.

Hi fergieisold. I'm afraid I am no mystic, I just report what I know or what I can derive from what I hear and see. At the moment I haven't developed an opinion on the summers transfer activities but there will be a number of parallel strategies in place. Alec and the club are very keen to bring through the young players and not block their development however there are a few concerns developing, particularly around the attitude of some of the youngsters (I do not want to name names) and also the character and quality of the senior players to enable a seamless transition. The club are currently weighing up whether they do need to spend big to ensure sustained success in the short term or whether to stick with the current strategy in developing the youth, with perhaps some more experienced players coming in to stop the gap short term (hence the interest in lampard).
Whilst it is going too far to suggest the club is in crisis this is one of the very few times when the boss is uncertain as to the way forward, he needs Rooney to step up and lead the team, but if he can't do that then he will be moved on.
I will let you know as soon as there are any significant developments. This is probably the wrong thread for this kind of talk, feel free to pm me or perhaps set up a thread specifically for this kind of thing and when you post in it I will get an email and will come to the thread as soon as possible. I look forward to hearing from you.

I'm not even convinced he is a wum, I think he's just a mental. But as with all things in life, the number of votes you get on an internet forum is ultimately the most important thing so the winner of the 2011 award for Worst Windup is friendlytramp.

 

[JayWalker]

 

[KiD MoYeS]

 

[iSparky]

Boss is black

Racist!

 

[JayWalker]

Fools!! FT will come right one day. Believe.

 

[RDCR07]

Boss is black

The racist of the year award was just given out. You still going for it?

Just kidding.

 

[Big-Red]

I think he's just insane tbh

 

[SteveJ]

And here's Alec to present the award...

 

[RDCR07]

Alec.

 

[Rado_N]

I don't think he's a wum either, just an attention craving mentalist. I still voted for him though cos I couldn't think of anyone else.

 

[jveezy]

This was a close one with only 20 votes total for this category, but friendlytramp managed to make a strong enough impression to nab 6. bazalini's 200 newbies windup came in second with 4 votes.

 

[Skywarden]

Alec! He's so genuine!

 

[JayWalker]

And here's Alec to present the award...

 

[Silva]

 

[RDCR07]

I don't get that gif.

 

[cinc]

I don't think he's a wum either, just an attention craving mentalist. I still voted for him though cos I couldn't think of anyone else.

I dont think there's any difference.

 

[jveezy]

I don't get that gif.

Kane's a Milford man.

 

[Irwinwastheking]

Can we change rednev's tagline to a picture of Suarez/Terry?

A gif going between the two of them.

 

[cinc]

I don't get that gif.

That's Silva on Christmas morning when he didnt want to go downstairs to meet the family as he knew he will only get money.

 

[RDCR07]

 

[Rado_N]

I dont think there's any difference.

He probably believes what he writes

 

[101]

these awards are quality!

 

[Silva]

If SteveJ doesn't win poster of the year I'm going on strike.

I don't get that gif.

It has no relevance at all, it's just this is on the one night I can't stay in and I bookmarked the thing for this so there was no way I was going to leave without posting!

Peace out, cuntfaces.

 

[Rado_N]

Enjoy megabowl.

edit: sorry, your date.

 

[brewlio]

Award for WUM of the year goes to: The Newbie is closing (orchestrated by none other than golden shower, I mean blunder). If you are newbie hater look away now as this will not interest you in the least. For others it will about erections and longing for their little spastic pals where a-gay affairs were made. A trip down the brown memory lane so to speak. They got Punk'd
real bad.

And so it began one mischievous morning. Now we'd pulled a few wums on the newbies before, newbie elections and all that. The feckers no longer trusted moses and I on virtually anything. Let's be honest cuntos, you let us take the piss. But we wouldn't have been able to pull of this. Enter geebs and his announcement in the Newbie General:

Below is an important announcement for all newbies

we've decided that the newbies forum needs a bit of a clean-out so newbie accounts will be suspended for the summer period. This is to facilitate us checking IP addresses and email addresses.

No-one will be able to access the newbie forum from 31st May until Saturday 27th August. When you log back on, you will either be presented with a pass to the regular forum or you account will have been purged for suspicious activity or quality control.

You are welcome to continue posting until 31st May

We will not accept any PM's on the subject, so comments should be confined to this one thread.

So he pops into the mod room and says he's got this wum thread going. We're not to complicate it, in fact try and stay out of it. Just see where it runs to, reaction to it etc. So we did. The results were highly amusing.

For almost a whole month geebs had blagged the spastics newbs that the Newbie forum would be closing. Soon there were cries of wum coming from everywhere, and rightly so. But over the coming weeks (not days, WEEKS!) GB and his henchmen went about one of the most magnificent of wums the site has ever seen. In a couple of days even the most passionate of wum callers had piped down and the prospect that the majority of them would be left all alone in the e-wilderness with no where to go. Bring on the panic....

I'll be banned because I'm shit

This forum is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel like a little piece of me just died.

it's time you newbies grew into main forum posters. like a mama bird with her young, geebs is pushing you all out of the nest.

^ Dwazza getting in on the act, when he used to be cool

I think that's a good idea, the newbies especially must be shocking during the summer months anyway.

Is this a joke? *cries*

I had so many threads planned for the summer months when they wouldn't keep getting eaten by 1000 knee jerk threads...

Thread of the year right here. You feckers have never seen Geebs when he flicks the banstick onto automatic fire. He is undoubtedly the Chuck Norris of the modmin world.

Dissapointing if true, very unlikely I'll beat the rop in time, somethings are just ment to be.

RedCafe
A poem by KiD CaNtO, dedicated to all the newbie's soon to be lost

Shite user-name, how they laughed
Did'nt post for month's, thought I was daft
Football Forum and the General
Match Day thread's, how dreadful
My love grew for the Caf' of Red
Newbie Forum, soon to be dead
From a Lizard that was Luminous
To a golden blunder so ruthless
Can't forget moses, brewlio or Sally
The Caf' soon to be gone, Sadly

Well I'm screwed.

There will be a new "jump through loads of hoops' verification system in place when you all return. Every user will have to verify their email address a couple of times, and every one of your first 50 posts will have to be ok'd by a mod.

That is off course for the people who haven't been banned and the people who have been promoted with a pass to the regular forums

^ The fecker constantly keeping them on there toes and believing it was real. He was becoming more like Dr Zimbardo in the Stanford Prison Experiment every day. GB was revelling in by now.

We have 1000s and 1000s of IPs to check/match/ban as it is without new IPs popping up all over the place. The newbie needs to be static for the e-genocide to commence. The discussion around who should be on the IN and OUT lists is already causing causing conflict in the mod room. A certain mod (who shall remain anonymous) wants to flood the mains with alastair type posters :shudder:

Argh what a terrible thread to wake up to! The new Black Wednesday this is.

I assume this means I get banned because I am new to the site?

^ total spastic

A few years back i set up an account on here but was banned without reason

I hope that the MODS will only take into my account my recent contributions to the forum as in the past I was being a twat until I realised...blah....blah...

The below post scared the e-living shit out of every single newbie shitcnut. A masterstroke by the big cheese:

Q & A based on questions posed in this thread

What happens at the end of May?
Newbie access will be completely turned off. No-one will be able to log in or post. This action will not affect regulars

What is this for?
There has been a lot of duplicate accounts, account sharing, dormant accounts and people signing up just to tout tickets. We want to clear out all of the rubbish. This will take some time checking IP's, sending off verification emails to registered email addresses, cross checking IP"s with other accounts and black-list databases.

Will i still be able to view the Caf?
Yes, simply stay logged out and you will be able to view, but not post, the regular forums

What will happen when i return at the end of August?
1 of 3 things.
1. Your account will have been checked, we think you're ok and you will have had your permissions changed to post in the mains.
2. You will recieve a message that you have been banned because of either having multiple accounts, dormant accounts, been touting, sh*t stirring, crappy posting or we dont think that you will fit in with the mains crowd.
3. You will still be in the newbies because we're satisfied with your IP checks but not 100% happy with the way you post, but not unhappy enough to ban you. During this period we will moderate your next 50 posts. Then it will be decided whether you have made it or not

What will happen with people who sign up?
There will be a double verification system in place. One to confirm your email address is a valid address, and another which you will have to physically reply too. This is to cut out the amount of 'bots' which are registered to advertise.

Will the newbie forum remain?
Yes, but rep will be done away with. Each user will have a certain amount of posts moderated. If we like you, then you'll go up. If not, then you get canned. The newbies will be a short term holding pen, with the intention of getting people onboarded as quickly as possible.

Can I appeal if it goes against me?
No. This is a private forum and therefore not a democracy. Its our way or the high way

^ geeb flops out the big fella and dry fecks them with this post. He'd told them on the Friday that he was going away to think deep about the Newbie (he was probably thinking of Burrow's girlfriend, cock in hand). So he comes back on the Monday and posts that. Even the utmost sceptic it seemed very real now. The panic that ensued will die with me. It was that funny.

In the name of every muppet on Earth I'd like to say that "cocks out time" will be sorely missed.

At least we get to celebrate/mourn Wembley and blame Gibson and Bebe. Traditions must be maintained even in the hours of doom.

This is such a WUM. Couldn't you do any better than this?

That's what you think.....

OI. Who changed my name?!

geebs did. You've been wummed, cnut.

Are my posts in Chinese? I'm beginning to wonder if this is an English keyboard i'm using

Just be patient guys, it's only a matter of time before we brush e-shoulders with the likes of Pogue, Sultan and Olly.

Name dropper or returnee?

I am just waiting for addernoire to see this and the shit fit he is going to have about it. Or most likely he will spout some random crap that no-one really cares about.

The dickhead sultan banned me once for nothing, and now I always get banned for having duplicate accounts even though I have one account. So its always just a matter of time before I'm outted.
I always return though until the next boot. Its all about saturday afternoons in the match thread for me, not socializing.

When United Make The Headlines Regarding Every Additional Developmental player we sign this summer (eg. Bebe), this place would go banana’s baying for big name superstars. In those circumstances you guys may be thanking us for closing the madhouse!

But after almost a whole month of it even we got bored, and TRIED to call the wum to a halt, but they wouldn't listen. We apparently were now wumming that it wasn't a wum. It didn't matter how many times you told them, to the majority it was still fecking real:

But it's not real !!!!!!!!!!!!


This thread ws brought to you by David Lynch.

Saps.

read the thread you uber gimps.

Jesus fecking Christ.

Best thread ever.

But surely even reading the last page confirms it as a wind-up?

It's actually gone beyond a joke now.....

you dozy feckers

I find myself facepalming a lot when I read this thread

For the less intelligent amongst our readers

The newbie forum is not closing

Dozey gits

It was all a joke was it not?!

No, the WUM was actually a WUM Dewey.

Read the thread again ffs.

I'm still standing!!

^ A whole month after the thread had died down you'd still get the odd newbtard that hadn't been about for a while bumpimng the thread to gloat or wonder that they were still alive.

For the record it was a wum, all the recently promoted were wummed. There are probably still newbie fools hiding out under the bed to this day in the event that the closure is real. Spastics.

Well played geebs..

 

[Brophs]

Enjoy megabowl.

edit: sorry, your date.

 

[RDCR07]

Who are you calling a cnut-face you feck-face?

 

[Big-Red]

If SteveJ doesn't win poster of the year I'm going on strike.


It has no relevance at all, it's just this is on the one night I can't stay in and I bookmarked the thing for this so there was no way I was going to leave without posting!

Peace out, cuntfaces.

Ooooh yeah, gonna get some pusssay tonight.

 

[TheHorse'sMouth]

 

[RDCR07]

Ooooh yeah, gonna get some pusssay tonight.

 

[Damien]

That WUM was a masterpiece.

 

[SteveJ]

That WUM was a masterpiece.

I believed it was genuine.
*cries*

 

[jveezy]

12/27 votes for this one. Olly rigging the Sky Sports poll to irritate RAWK was second with 9 votes.

 

[KiD MoYeS]

Was a hilarious time to be down there.

 

[Damien]

I believed it was genuine.
*cries*

I think I did too at one point even though in my head it seemed ridiculous. It was at a time when I had only just really started becoming active on the caf. Luckily for me I *think* I didn't post in that thread, just watched it.

 

[Big-Red]

I thought the newbies were shutting...fecking Schmikes, the little shitc**t

 

[De Selby]

That's Silva on Christmas morning when he didnt want to go downstairs to meet the family as he knew he will only get money.