marjen
Desperately wants to be like Noodle
Okay, seems no one else can be arsed, so I'll do the ratings thread.
de Gea 5 - Not excactly the greatest start to his United career, what with letting in two soft goals against our rivals and then fecking up in the curtain opener. Plus I don't like his rather large teeth. Looks like a flippin' rabbit.
Smalling 6 - Classy, composed and slightly neanderthalic in appearance.
Rio 7 - See Smalling, but replace neanderthalic with platipusesque.
Vidic 7 - Got injured. Didn't rape anyone.
Fabio 7 - It's actually a nice idea to have two copies of the same player - we should do it with Rooney as well.
Nani 5 - Head. Anonymous, and not in an internet hacking way either. I find it difficult to resist the urge to start humming the Billie Jean-riff every time he gets the ball.
Cleverley 7 - The thing with Cleverley is, he's from that batch of youngsters who had excactly the same face, head and haircut who played for the reserves a couple of years ago. I'm sure Fergie decided it, only for him to realize that actually importing brazilian twins was the easier option.
Anderson 7 - Obviously not allowed. Looks a more mature, less hungry version of himself. Keep him away from the pies and he'll be grand. Heh.
Young 8 - Okay so I get the fact that for some reason, we have to keep at least one player in the squad who we don't feed. It used to be Fletcher, then Anderson stopped eating his meals, then we brought Obertan for his purpose, which to be fair he served decently until bulking up. To compensate, we stopped feeding Fletcher midway through last season, with the unfortunate side-effect of depleting our central midfield options. Also, it seems Fletcher was actually starved to death. Anyway, now I get why we signed Young while having approximiately 25 wingers in our first team squad.
Welbeck 5 - Bel Air. Neither fresh nor prince today though, flathead.
Rooney 7 - I'm eagerly anticipating that hair-transplant thing to actually have an effect. It will be hilarious.
SUBS:
Evans - O' Shea is gone, and with it his ability to transform footballers into oafish gentle giants with no balls. Looks better than last season for sure, and this explains it.
Berbatov - Sulky. Although to be fair he's considered a lesser player than Will Smith in a bad 80's show, a mexican lesbian with a cuddly face and the granny-loving, non-green version of Shrek, so I sort of understand him.
Jones - He's a FM regen. The amazingly british name, his incredibly generic appearance, the positions he can play. Everything about Phil Jones smacks of FM regen. Fergie you transfer muppet.
WBA - One of those annoying teams who are just about good enough to keep hold of the ball, but have no hope of actually doing anything with it. Apart from that giant thing that kept popping up around our box and pranced around shielding the ball, I think his name was Tchoyi or something, they were as potent as Roy Hodgson, on a cold winter night at Stoke.
Ref - Thought he was David Moyes, but that turned out to be false, as he didn't stop midway through the match to complain about not getting enough money, whilst simultanously refusing to accept a better paid job as a ref elsewhere.
de Gea 5 - Not excactly the greatest start to his United career, what with letting in two soft goals against our rivals and then fecking up in the curtain opener. Plus I don't like his rather large teeth. Looks like a flippin' rabbit.
Smalling 6 - Classy, composed and slightly neanderthalic in appearance.
Rio 7 - See Smalling, but replace neanderthalic with platipusesque.
Vidic 7 - Got injured. Didn't rape anyone.
Fabio 7 - It's actually a nice idea to have two copies of the same player - we should do it with Rooney as well.
Nani 5 - Head. Anonymous, and not in an internet hacking way either. I find it difficult to resist the urge to start humming the Billie Jean-riff every time he gets the ball.
Cleverley 7 - The thing with Cleverley is, he's from that batch of youngsters who had excactly the same face, head and haircut who played for the reserves a couple of years ago. I'm sure Fergie decided it, only for him to realize that actually importing brazilian twins was the easier option.
Anderson 7 - Obviously not allowed. Looks a more mature, less hungry version of himself. Keep him away from the pies and he'll be grand. Heh.
Young 8 - Okay so I get the fact that for some reason, we have to keep at least one player in the squad who we don't feed. It used to be Fletcher, then Anderson stopped eating his meals, then we brought Obertan for his purpose, which to be fair he served decently until bulking up. To compensate, we stopped feeding Fletcher midway through last season, with the unfortunate side-effect of depleting our central midfield options. Also, it seems Fletcher was actually starved to death. Anyway, now I get why we signed Young while having approximiately 25 wingers in our first team squad.
Welbeck 5 - Bel Air. Neither fresh nor prince today though, flathead.
Rooney 7 - I'm eagerly anticipating that hair-transplant thing to actually have an effect. It will be hilarious.
SUBS:
Evans - O' Shea is gone, and with it his ability to transform footballers into oafish gentle giants with no balls. Looks better than last season for sure, and this explains it.
Berbatov - Sulky. Although to be fair he's considered a lesser player than Will Smith in a bad 80's show, a mexican lesbian with a cuddly face and the granny-loving, non-green version of Shrek, so I sort of understand him.
Jones - He's a FM regen. The amazingly british name, his incredibly generic appearance, the positions he can play. Everything about Phil Jones smacks of FM regen. Fergie you transfer muppet.
WBA - One of those annoying teams who are just about good enough to keep hold of the ball, but have no hope of actually doing anything with it. Apart from that giant thing that kept popping up around our box and pranced around shielding the ball, I think his name was Tchoyi or something, they were as potent as Roy Hodgson, on a cold winter night at Stoke.
Ref - Thought he was David Moyes, but that turned out to be false, as he didn't stop midway through the match to complain about not getting enough money, whilst simultanously refusing to accept a better paid job as a ref elsewhere.