Football phrases that grinds your gears

stevoc said:
He had/has him on toast.

What the feck does it even mean, i don't think i'd ever heard until about 5 years ago.

Can you have someone on a crumpet? Or a Bagel? What about a Croissant?

fecking stupid phrase.
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An alternative to ‘had him for breakfast’ maybe?
 
"its meat and drink to this goalkeeper/defender/striker" epecially when that waste of organs Martin Keown says it.

"he's a player" when describing a footballer who looks better than some other footballers

"when he hits it, it stays hit"

"top bins"

And anything that comes out of Jimmy Bullards mouth.
 
‘He bought a foul’

‘adjudged’- you never hear this word at any other time. Along with ‘rescinded’ (I don’t even know if that’s spelt correctly) a challenge for someone on here is to get these words into a zoom work meeting.
 
'Generational talent'
'Patterns of play'
'xAnything'
 
"We only played well in the second half**, we need to play well from the start of the game"

** after conceding two goals
 
Suspicious Swelling said:
"its meat and drink to this goalkeeper/defender/striker" epecially when that waste of organs Martin Keown says it.

"he's a player" when describing a footballer who looks better than some other footballers

"when he hits it, it stays hit"

"top bins"

And anything that comes out of Jimmy Bullards mouth.
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Jenas came out with that gem last night. Well obviously he's a player he's wearing a football shirt and running around a football pitch with 21 other players on national television.

What else would he be a Plumber?
 
“We’ve seen them given before” for penalties or “we’ve seen red cards given for less”. Especially when commentators use it to try and create a narrative that a team have got away with something which is actually fairly innocuous.

Yes Mr commentator, I have seen them given before but I’ve also seen Thierry Henry catch a ball in a World Cup playoff and goal given so I don’t think we can draw on every game and decision we’ve seen in the past as a suitable precedent.
 
Nero said:
'Generational talent'
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This is my number 1 gear grinding phrase. People say it for young players that are very good but not exactly a generational talent.

This phrase has to be given to the very best young players of their generation, players such as a young Rooney/Messi/Mbappe/Haaland. Players like Greenwood or Foden shouldn't be given the generational talent phrase. They are the same generation as Mbappe and Haaland and are not their level, top young players yes but not the very best and not generational talents.
 
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'What a heroic' or 'great block'
All the bloke did was stick out a leg or chuck himself in the way of a shot.
I've always been dubious about the word great in this context, Doesn't come up that often thinking about it.
 
“He’s done well since he’s come on”

Thanks for the clarification, I thought you meant he was playing well whilst sat in the stands.
 
"And it's live"

As Martin Tyler announces the beginning of the match in front of an empty stadium. Seems to have lost it's meaning during COVID and seems rather dated now.
 
“Nowhere near”.. usually used in a discussion about who is the better player by fans. The discussion is most likely being on because there is just near between the twos ability.
 
“Baller”
“Of his generation”
“Generational talent”
“Roster”
“Pure CDM”
“He doesn’t know ball”

They all make me cringe.
 
"They were always going to score"
"We were always going to concede"

Basically, any such formulation that takes a game that inherently involves a huge amount of luck and randomness and retrospectively writes a narrative of inevitability onto a specific result.
 
Not exactly a ‘phrase’ but the xG thing is stupid and just seems like another thing from American sports culture that they’re trying to shoehorn in (yes I know this isn’t a thing in American sports but I’m referring to its use to stat-pad.)

Speaking of which, I was on an app a couple of weeks ago where there was a watch along for one of united’s matches (can’t remember which one) and I almost cringed to death when the Americans on there were using words like ‘clutch’, ‘roster’ instead of squad, and describing Rashford as our ‘most valuable player’.
 
Calling the manager Gaffer.
Come on. We are now in the 21st century.
 
Tony Banta said:
“The United way”.

“United DNA”.

“It’s a 6 pointer”.

“He’s a great shot stopper”
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This. You get 3 points for winning no matter who you're playing against. I understand that in theory it's 3 points gained and 3 points lost for the opposition, but no it's still only 3 points.

A few others:

"He's almost hit that too well."
"They're a nearly team."
"He's unlucky to be called offside."

Not a phrase, but the way commentators almost always agree with their co-commentators, even if you can tell they don't really agree. It'd be great to hear an actual discussion of two different views when watching rather than one single narrative.

And the way co-commentators make their mind up about a decision before even looking at a replay and sticking to that view, even when it's obvious they got it wrong (Jim Beglin, I'm looking at you).
 
‘Early doors’ grinds my gears, as does grinds my gears, but that’s not really a football expression

(Once) Formerly of this parish - a Peter Drury classic, which makes me want to throttle the utter tool
 
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