Completely Random Movie Characters

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Lorraine McFly (nee Baines) - Back to the Future

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Wonderfully encapsulated by Lea Thompson both as a precocious yet sexually charged teen and also as an alcoholic middle-aged mother, Lorraine first meets Marty McFly when her dad runs him over after Marty heroically saves his own dad, George, after falling out of a tree he climbed up to perv on some bird in her bra. Confused as feck? So were we back in 1985 when the first of this classic series was released upon our lives.
Also begged the question, if Marty wasn't born yet, and his mam was seventeen, years away from giving birth to him (therefore not really his mum yet) and trying it on with him, would it have been actual incest if he did feck her?

Bunny Murphy - Platoon
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For years, one look at Kevin Dillon's face made me contort with anger. As a ten year old, I watched Platoon and was horrified with some of the scenes, yet mesmerised simultaneously. One character stuck with me throughout these years from this wonderful war epic, and that is Bunny, the sadistic young Brooklyner played by Kevin Dillon, younger brother of the more famous Matt Dillon.
The infamous village scene in which Bunny smashes the head in of a young amputee in front of his mother with his shotgun is particularly nasty. "I never seen feckin' brains like that before" says Bunny with a grin on his face.
Several years later and I vowed never to watch Entourage because Kevin Dillon was in it, purely because of his turn as Bunny Murphy, yet due to an error trying to download Pacino's Dog Day Afternoon, which turned out to be an episode of Entourage which I immediately fell in love with, my tune has changed and I can honestly say my Kevin Dillon hating days are over, but evil Bunny sticks with me.....

Mortimer Duke - Trading Places
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Quite simply the more wicked of the two tycoon brothers, Don Ameche played the part of the younger Duke after several years out of the limelight as an actor. In this classic tale of rags to riches, Mortimer is the instigator of the bet with his older sibling Randolph to jeopardize the life of Louis Winthorpe and replace him with the street-urchin Billy-Ray Valentine.
In two significant moments in the movie condusive to the character's wicked ways, the ever-gentlemanly Ameche apologised to every black crew-member after filming the scene where he refers to Eddie Murphy's Valentine as 'a nigger' and also apologised to every female crew-member after saying the words 'feck him' when Ralph Bellamy's Randolph suffers a heart-attack.
Although it does beg the question, earlier in the movie when Valentine enquires if Mortimer and Randolph are 'a couple of old faggots', how come they were both seemingly unmarried and into housing young, black men off the street? Hmmmm...
 
Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian - Star Wars Epsodes V and VI

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Leader of Cloud City, a mining station hovering above a gas giant, he betrays the heroes after allowing them to land in order to repair and re-supply. Turning Han Solo over to Bobba Fett, and thus Jabba the Hutt, he has a change of heart, and promptly helps Leia, Chewbacca, C-3P0 and R2D2 escape the floating metropolis. After also rescuing Luke, he becomes a committed member of the Rebel Alliance.

Dee Williams often credits Calrissian as being the turning point of his career, although whether that's true, or it merely remains the only highlight, is a matter of personal debate.



Peter Greene as Zed - Pulp Fiction

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Zed is what every man really wants to be - a racist serial killer who imprisons and rapes unsuspecting passers by, keeps a gimp in a cage and maintains his day job as a cop. After making the mistake of capturing both Marcellus Wallace and Butch, he is too distracted to notice the ex-boxer sneaking in and taking a samurai sword to his partner-in-crime. Tables turned, he is rendered nearly immobile by a shotgun blast, and the last we see of him is the look of fear on his face as Marcellus Wallace promises to go to town on his skinny white ass with "a pair of pliers and a blow-torch".

Peter Greene made his real breakthrough in the same year, also playing notable roles in Clean, Shaven, The Mask and The Usual Suspects. Ever since, he has kept up a steady stream of work, though never as the star.



William Shatner as Buck Murdock - Airplane II

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Leader of Alpha-Beta Base on the moon, Murdock is responsible for aiding the landing of the stricken Pan-Universe Shuttle, after a computer malfunction causes chaos. Possessed of a keen intellect and a way with words, he proceeds to instruct the fight down, even as the spacecraft ploughs through the building over his head. In his own words, he'll never forgive Ted Striker for Macho Grande, and long after the shuttle has landed he is still calmy talking it down.
 
Dylan Moran as David - Shaun of the Dead

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David is a sarcastic fop, as played by Dylan Moran, a sarcastic Irish fop. A teacher (I think), who was constantly getting on Shaun's case, because he had long since been in love with Shaun's girlfriend Liz, while going out with...er...Lucy Davis' character, whose name escapes me. Pretty much spent the entire movie whining before being violently torn to pieces (is there any other way to be torn to pieces?) by zombies, while Lucy Davis whacked them with his leg. Yaaay!
 
Sgt. Mike Horvath

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Generally just a bad ass character who was excellently portrayed by one time knobhead Tom Sizemore who also has played some pretty cool characters such as Cody Nicholson in True Romance and McKnight in Black Hawk Down. Most of the characters in Saving Private Ryan were interesting but you could picture this guy storming a beach.
 
Haha that is amusing I was thinking of adding JG for Jurassic Park haha
 
Samuel L Jackson as John Raymond Arnold in Jurassic Park

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One of Jackson's earliest film roles was as this chain-smoking security...computer...guy in the biggest Spielberg dinosaur movie of the 90s, apart from 'We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story'. The sum of Jackson's character was that he smoked a lot of cigarettes, tried to turn the power back on in the park only to get eaten, had his disembodied hand fall onto the woman from Jurassic Park, freaking out her and a younger me, and his wish for people to hold on to their butts.
 
I didn't realise until I thought about why I chose these that I picked three pretty similar characters. Simply put, all three are by no means central to any of the thee (four) films they are in but they would suffer if the character didn't exist or were acted like they were by the three talented actors, all great films need such to be so, they all provide something unique within their films offering a change of direction and pace, and tension between characters on screen, great one-liners and dialogue, and are three roles all memorable within their films.


Joe Pantoliano as Captain Howard in Bad Boys/Bad Boys II

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Michael Ironside as 'Jester' in Top Gun

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Paul Gleason as Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club

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Brian, you shite! I was going to incorporate Paul Gleason in my next segment as Clarence Beeks from Trading Places, what a character he is. "Hold it, I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain", brilliant....
 
Peter Capaldi portraying Malcolm Tucker, In the Loop

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If you haven't seen this film or the television series 'The Thick of It' which it is a follow up to you are really missing out unmissable entertainment. It it the character of Malcom Tucker- the Director of Communications at No. 10 Downing Street that steals the show in my favourite film of 2009. He is a very intimidating character which is very well acted and speaks amongst the most vulgar language you will ever hear on the big screen yet it is incredibly hilarious and clever and shows a fantastic depth to the character.

If you have not seen this film, you absolutely must watch it.
 
Zed from Police Academy 2, 3, 4 etc

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Zed, played by fecked up not-right Bobcat Goldthwaite, first appears in the second installment of the Police Academy series and lasted right through until the last. In Police Academy 2, Zed begins life as the bad guy, constantly terrorising Mr Sweetchuck in his inner-city shop. With his zany voice, Zed does show his more nicer, innocent side on occasion with him admitting he's scared of the ferris wheel and will only go on if his mate goes with him and also expresses his disgust at the stealing of steaks when his gang rob the local supermarket. "Are you crazy? I'm-I'm-I'm a vegetarian" he professes.
Later becomes a police-man in the third installment and even nabs himself a bird in the fourth film after she shows empathy when his Mickey-Mouse watch stops after he's been for a swim.



Cecil from Eurotrip (no picture can be found!!!)

We first meet Mad Manc Cecil, the apparent Second in Command to Vinnie Jones' gang of Manchester United hooligans, at the Feisty Goat located somewhere down in the City of Westminster when Scotty and Cooper attempt to get on the lash in London. We discover Cecil can play the piano, smacking the keys whilst the scary Red thugs drunkenly belt out "My Baby Takes the Morning train' which is, of course, the official Manchester United supporters song.
Has perhaps the best one-liner in movie history when having an intimate chat with Cooper, he admits '...so I told the swamp-donkey to sack it before I give her a tonking in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick my yarbles'.




Loc Dog from Don't be a Menace to South Central (Whilst Drinking Your Juice in the Hood)


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Played by co-writer Marlon Wayans, one of the famous Wayans clan of Damon, Marlon, Shawn and Keenan Ivory (real name), Loc Dog is protagonist Ash Tray's cousin in this hilarious spoof of early Nineties Black Violence awareness movies such as Boyz N Tha Hood, Juice and Menace II Society. This was the Wayans Bros first collaboration in a spoof send-up before the popular Scary Movie franchise got ridiculously shite after the second version.
Loc Dog is a crazed gangsta with a nervous tic and penchant for shooting at will, although he also loves baking cakes.
After meeting a virginal young sweetie, he convinces her to have a few sips of his 40-ounce, despite her protestations it makes her 'crazy'. He eventually persuades her and they go back to his gaff for some love-making, until her predictions come true and riding him, she transforms into a blue demon, announcing 'c'mon mothafecka, let's get it on' and rapes him whilst he screams for help. Honestly....
 
Brown

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Aptly named, one wonders why Anthony Anderson was needed for this role in The Departed. Upon looking at the picture above, you see why, well it was set in Boston after all, it's not like there were in black people in Infernal Affairs.
 
Short Round

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The ever lovable Shortround, who could forget his unbelievable performance alongside DOCTA Jones. He, Indy, and some twat make it out of the temple of doom in the 80s thriller. An intelligent youngster who spoke excellent English he gave great advice and loads of one liners:

I keep telling you, you listen to me more, you live longer!

He no nuts, he's crazy!

I'm very little! You cheat very big!

That no cookie!

Hold on to your potatoes!

Wake up, Indy! You're my best friend! Wake up, Indy!

Very funny. Very funny.
 
Lt. Colonel Austin Travis in Executive Decision

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Surprisingly you find Steven Seagal in this entertaining ahead of its time thriller, starring the yummy Halle Berry. You ask yourself how in feck could a movie be any good and have this man in it, simple, kill the motherfecker off. Despite being in a few early scenes where his awful acting presence dominates the screen, he gets caught on the intercept plane whilst the others are climbing aboard the terrorist ridden 747, all of a sudden the airlock breaks and it's bye bye Stevie.
 
Paul Freeman as Rev. Philip Shooter, Hot Fuzz

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Priest at the local Sanford Catholic Church. A dedicated member of the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance

Good name, good character, feck off, grasshopper

Mike Star as Joe Mentalino, Dumb and Dumber

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Thug, criminal working for Nick Andre and working with his accomplish Shay. Suffers from severe digestive problems. Sent on a mission to kill Harry Dunne and Llyod Christmas who end up accidentally poisoning him.

AKA, Gasman

??? as Boris The Blade, Snatch

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AKA Boris the Bullet Dodger; why? Because he dodges bullets.

Hard, old school Commie, or an anti semite cossack slut. Legend, practically impossible to kill.

Eventually killed by Bullet Tooth Tony
 
HAHA well done was thinking of him or Mary Swanson for Dumb and Dumber well done
 
Samuel L Jackson as John Raymond Arnold in Jurassic Park

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One of Jackson's earliest film roles was as this chain-smoking security...computer...guy in the biggest Spielberg dinosaur movie of the 90s, apart from 'We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story'. The sum of Jackson's character was that he smoked a lot of cigarettes, tried to turn the power back on in the park only to get eaten, had his disembodied hand fall onto the woman from Jurassic Park, freaking out her and a younger me, and his wish for people to hold on to their butts.

Is not dead you pillock.

He's hiding inside the raptor waiting to burst out and get revenge.
 
Jared Leto as Angel Face in Fight Club

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Apart from being the lead singer of 30 seconds to Mars, Jared will always be more known to me as the guy from fight club who gets his face smashed repeatedly into the floor by the Ed Norton with his reason being "I felt like destroying something beautiful." Although Norton's internal monologue during the beating about wanting to kill panda's was also amusing. With his shocking platinum hair he was also taunted outside the headquarters with the terrible insult of "And you, you are too fecking... blonde!" He's gone on to star in other films such as Alexander but it's with his band that he's had the most success.
 
Ellis - Die Hard

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Douchebag who works at the same place as Bruce Willis' wife in Die Hard, negotiates million dollar deals for breakfast babe. Tries to negotiate with Alan Rickman over a coke, calls him bubi, dies.

Business is business. You use a gun, I use a fountain pen. What's the difference?

Hans, babe, put away the gun, this is radio, not television.
 
I was thinking of the limo driver from Die Hard.
 
Theres a few you could do from Die Hard, great film!

Hudson - Aliens

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Hudson is one of the marines who goes with Ripley to LV-426 to dertermine why contact has been lost with the colonists there. From the moment he wakes up from hypersleep hes over-confident, acting like a dick, cracking jokes and won't shut up. But once the shit hits the fan we see hes not quite the badass he made himself out to be. Manages to grow a pair by the end though and goes down fighting.

Make no mistake, quite possibly the greatest movie character ever. Bill Paxton's best ever performance, every line he says is pure gold.

They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the goddamn walls

I say we grease this rat-feck son-of-a-bitch right now

Game over man, game over! What the feck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT wanna feck with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Vwap! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks...
 
3 Boobed Whore from Total Recall

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"Oh Baby, you make me wish I had a three hands"
 
Marvin the janitor - Die Hard 2

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Thought John McClane was trying to steal his records, has lots of maps of the airport, tried to haggle over the price of a radio but gave it up to save being killed, and he'll be damned if he's cleaning up the mess of the exploded plane on the runway.
 
Bruce Campbell as Ring Announcer/Usher/Maitre d' in Spiderman Trilogy

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He named him, he stopped him and he tried to help him propose to Mary-Jane. Without Bruce it's fair to say that Spiderman would be known as the Human Spider and would be a shell of what he becomes.
 
Pale Man - Pan's Labyrinth

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Has eyeballs in his palms, eats children. Scary dude.
 
Mortimer Duke - Trading Places
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Quite simply the more wicked of the two tycoon brothers, Don Ameche played the part of the younger Duke after several years out of the limelight as an actor. In this classic tale of rags to riches, Mortimer is the instigator of the bet with his older sibling Randolph to jeopardize the life of Louis Winthorpe and replace him with the street-urchin Billy-Ray Valentine.
In two significant moments in the movie condusive to the character's wicked ways, the ever-gentlemanly Ameche apologised to every black crew-member after filming the scene where he refers to Eddie Murphy's Valentine as 'a nigger' and also apologised to every female crew-member after saying the words 'feck him' when Ralph Bellamy's Randolph suffers a heart-attack.
Although it does beg the question, earlier in the movie when Valentine enquires if Mortimer and Randolph are 'a couple of old faggots', how come they were both seemingly unmarried and into housing young, black men off the street? Hmmmm...

the dukes also appeared in "Coming To America"
 
Jesus Quintana

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Simply because nobody fecks with the Jesus. John Turturro is guilty of portraying the cheese role at times, but his cameo in The Big Lebowski is genius. He plays a pedo bowler pitting himself against The Dude in the semi-finals. Talks in the third person and has some great lines in his few scenes in the movie. A class act.

Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fecking trigger ‘til it goes “click.”

Great thread keep 'em coming
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Die Hard's Captain Mitchell.
Expertly played by Dimitar Berbatov under the pseudonym Matt Landers.




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Die Hard's Captain Mitchell.
Expertly played by Dimitar Berbatov under the pseudonym Matt Landers.




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haha. Paul Gleason also sneaking in there again.

"Jesus Christ Powell! He could be a feckin bar tender for all we know."

Has this guy ever played a part where he isn't a foul mouthed authority figure?