Taken from football365.
They'll be next in line for purchasing a pool midfielder who's had a ruck with Thommo the dictator..........
Long-suffering Newcastle fan and almost-as-long-suffering planet-rugby.com journalist Mark Smith was asked for his reaction to the news that Laurent Robert believes that the Toon can win the title. He laughed.
After clearing half his lunch from his keyboard he explained why it was such a ridiculous idea.
Mark was a season-ticket holder at St James' for seven years but like anybody who doesn't live in Gosforth (Mark himself is from the same estate as Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner, sharing a background if not his appetites) he can no longer afford to go. His Newcastle claim to fame is once hitting Coventry keeper Steve Ogrizovic with a snowball from the Gallowgate End.
Anyway, we felt he was more than adequately qualified to point out a few home truths about Newcastle's title chances…
1) The Midfield
"It's pretty dreadful. Apart from Laurent Robert himself, there isn't a single player who can produce anything going forward. When Bobby Robson comes out and says that Rob Lee is one of the best players in the Premiership, you know you're in trouble. It's just dull, dull, dull."
2) The Tactics
"We clearly have the smallest target man in football in Alan Shearer. Most of Newcastle's inspired moves come from the goalkeeper rolling the ball out to one of the full-backs and them pumping the ball up towards Shearer. A defender cuts it out and five minutes later it starts all over again."
3) The Buying Policy
"There's been too much money spent on average players. The latest link to Ivan De La Pena is a typical Bobby Robson deal: a player who can't make it at a bigger club is welcomed by Newcastle with open arms. We seem to have hundreds of average South American players. We've also made a habit of selling our youngsters off and then bringing them back - like Robbie Elliott, a poor man's John Beresford."
4) The Atmosphere
"There is none. Nobody can afford to buy a ticket to see Newcastle at St James' unless they're minted. I remember a UEFA Cup game against Roma where the stadium had rows of empty seats but the pub down the road was packed. All of those fans would have been in the stadium a couple of years before. Now, it's only for those with money."
5) The Apathy
"We might be fourth in the Premiership but nobody actually believes we are any good. Or cares that much. We all know that we'll finish 13th in the league and lose in the cup final 2-0 to whoever wins the title. We don't bother kidding ourselves it's going to be any different. Sorry, you won't find any Laurent Robert-style optimism here."
For the record, Mark also condemned the lack of thugs in the squad, the ultra-professional attitudes of the players and the fact that Sunderland are no good - thus giving the Toon no incentive to finish higher than them in the league.
Didn't you know it'd all be the fault of the Mackems?
They'll be next in line for purchasing a pool midfielder who's had a ruck with Thommo the dictator..........
Long-suffering Newcastle fan and almost-as-long-suffering planet-rugby.com journalist Mark Smith was asked for his reaction to the news that Laurent Robert believes that the Toon can win the title. He laughed.
After clearing half his lunch from his keyboard he explained why it was such a ridiculous idea.
Mark was a season-ticket holder at St James' for seven years but like anybody who doesn't live in Gosforth (Mark himself is from the same estate as Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner, sharing a background if not his appetites) he can no longer afford to go. His Newcastle claim to fame is once hitting Coventry keeper Steve Ogrizovic with a snowball from the Gallowgate End.
Anyway, we felt he was more than adequately qualified to point out a few home truths about Newcastle's title chances…
1) The Midfield
"It's pretty dreadful. Apart from Laurent Robert himself, there isn't a single player who can produce anything going forward. When Bobby Robson comes out and says that Rob Lee is one of the best players in the Premiership, you know you're in trouble. It's just dull, dull, dull."
2) The Tactics
"We clearly have the smallest target man in football in Alan Shearer. Most of Newcastle's inspired moves come from the goalkeeper rolling the ball out to one of the full-backs and them pumping the ball up towards Shearer. A defender cuts it out and five minutes later it starts all over again."
3) The Buying Policy
"There's been too much money spent on average players. The latest link to Ivan De La Pena is a typical Bobby Robson deal: a player who can't make it at a bigger club is welcomed by Newcastle with open arms. We seem to have hundreds of average South American players. We've also made a habit of selling our youngsters off and then bringing them back - like Robbie Elliott, a poor man's John Beresford."
4) The Atmosphere
"There is none. Nobody can afford to buy a ticket to see Newcastle at St James' unless they're minted. I remember a UEFA Cup game against Roma where the stadium had rows of empty seats but the pub down the road was packed. All of those fans would have been in the stadium a couple of years before. Now, it's only for those with money."
5) The Apathy
"We might be fourth in the Premiership but nobody actually believes we are any good. Or cares that much. We all know that we'll finish 13th in the league and lose in the cup final 2-0 to whoever wins the title. We don't bother kidding ourselves it's going to be any different. Sorry, you won't find any Laurent Robert-style optimism here."
For the record, Mark also condemned the lack of thugs in the squad, the ultra-professional attitudes of the players and the fact that Sunderland are no good - thus giving the Toon no incentive to finish higher than them in the league.
Didn't you know it'd all be the fault of the Mackems?
