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[nimic]

21/22 Season Review

@BenitoSTARR @Dan @Dr. Dwayne @P-Nut @Salt Bailly @Skizzo @Solius @Stobzilla @The Cat @V.O. @altodevil @hobbers @oneniltothearsenal @reelworld @sebsheep @weetee @Heine

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Regular season

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Awards

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Stats (combined)

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Feats

Spoiler: Nobbers

Spoiler: Two Nil

Spoiler: Dan II, Lil' V.O., Pepper Bailly, Sonius & weeweetee

Spoiler: Heine, reelworld II, Stobzilla II, BenitwoSTARRLET, SebJr, The Cub, sontodevil & Skizzlet

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League news

Draft lottery

 

[hobbers]

If Pepper goes to a cafite team we'd end up with only 10 cafite teams, gotta be the lowest number for a long time.

 

[nimic]

This and then next will be the last regular drafts. Then I'll try to go historical (basically seeding in all retired players at random), and we'll see how long we go on for. At least until the last current Cafite has retired.

 

[Salt Bailly]

We're in the endgame now.

 

[P-Nut]

Lil Nut is crap, not even on the 3rd all teams. As his father I'm disgusted.

 

[Heine]

1st all league and 1st all defence, not bad

 

[hobbers]

This and then next will be the last regular drafts. Then I'll try to go historical (basically seeding in all retired players at random), and we'll see how long we go on for. At least until the last current Cafite has retired.

Including hobbers and co?

 

[nimic]

Including hobbers and co?

I think that could happen, yes. What do we do with that? Let nature run its course?

 

[hobbers]

I think that could happen, yes. What do we do with that? Let nature run its course?

What will be will be

 

[altodevil]

I don't think the league is ready for another altodevil

 

[weetee]

I don‘t think anybody disagrees.

 

[Heine]

As long as I can make Heinekin in a few years

 

[sebsheep]

As long as I can make Heinekin in a few years

I think you're due to get banned for PEDs and then your son quits basketball out of shame.

 

[nimic]

2022 Draft and Free Agency

@BenitoSTARR @Dan @Dr. Dwayne @P-Nut @Salt Bailly @Skizzo @Solius @Stobzilla @The Cat @V.O. @altodevil @hobbers @oneniltothearsenal @reelworld @sebsheep @weetee @Heine

The updates probably going to be not as text heavy next season. Or maybe they will be. Nobody knows what's going to happen in the future.

Draft

Spoiler: 11-60

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Free Agency

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Trades

Heine, Nobbers & Sonius (Spurs)

Heine, Nobbers & Sonius (Spurs), Skizzlet (Hawks)

Pepper Bailly (Bucks)

sontodevil (Grizzlies)

weeweetee & Lil' V.O. (Rockets)

Lil-Nut (Heat)

Skizzlet (Hawks)

 

[Solius]

Why has the real David Duke Jr not changed his name?

 

[nimic]

Why has the real David Duke Jr not changed his name?

“If anybody should change his name, it should be him. I should be the one keep it,” Duke said, via Brian Lewis of the New York Post “…One day I'm just hoping that when you look it up, it won't be so much negative around it.”

You've got to respect it.

 

[Solius]

Fair.

 

[The Cat]

What the hell is going on at Memphis?

 

[nimic]

22/23 Season Preview Part 1

@BenitoSTARR @Dan @Dr. Dwayne @P-Nut @Salt Bailly @Skizzo @Solius @Stobzilla @The Cat @V.O. @altodevil @hobbers @oneniltothearsenal @reelworld @sebsheep @weetee @Heine

Yay, so many of you have retired that I can get away with two parts to the season preview.

Power Rankings

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Team Finances and Strategy

Knicks ticket price Knicks cash Knicks payroll Knicks facilities

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Preview

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Trades

Skizzlet (Hawks)

sontodevil (Grizzlies) - more Memphis shenanigans

Two Nil, reelworld II, Stobzilla II (Knicks)

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Teams and Players

I'm not going to provide commentary this preview, but I encourage Cafites to ad-lib.

Solius has been released by the Knicks, in a clear case of age discrimination. He should technically be good enough for a team, so he might get picked up.

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Dan II - Philadelphia 76ers (45-37, 1st Round)

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The Cub - Portland Trailblazers (13-69)

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SebJr - Sacramento Kings (50-32, 1st Round)

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Heine, Nobbers & Sonius - San Antonio Spurs (74-8, Champions)

 

[The Cat]

The Cub is gonna retire ringless but very wealthy.

 

[altodevil]

Delete my contract

 

[Solius]

Disgusting way to treat a legend of the game.

 

[Salt Bailly]

Excerpt from PepperBailly's first post-trade interview with EPSN:

What drew you to the Bucks?

In a word: the salons.

With hair like mine, I can't afford to hang round in a city where hair care isn't a top priority. After a succession of in-depth discussions with my sponsors at Estée Lauder, and a survey of the US's best cities for male grooming, we discovered that Milwaukee has more salons per square foot than the rest of the country combined.

After that, it was an easy decision. Since stepping off the plane, it's been a nonstop glow-up.

And what about your new team?

Eh.

 

[nimic]

 

[nimic]

He does have great hair tbf

 

[weetee]

Soul glow!

 

[hobbers]

Should have bowed out with grace like most of the rest of us

 

[nimic]

22/23 Season Preview Part 2

@Skizzo @oneniltothearsenal @reelworld @Stobzilla @Dr. Dwayne @V.O. @weetee @altodevil @P-Nut @Salt Bailly @BenitoSTARR

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Two Nil, reelworld II & Stobzilla II - New York Knicks (60-22 Runners up)

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BenitwoSTARRLET - New Orleans Pelicans (40-42)

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Pepper Bailly - Milwaukee Bucks (46-36, 1st Round)

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Lil-Nut - Miami Heat (53-29, 2nd Round)

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sontodevil - Memphis Grizzlies (41-41, 1st Round)

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weeweetee & Lil' V.O. - Houston Rockets (65-17, Conference Finals)

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Dr. Junior - Cleveland Cavaliers (26-56)

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Skizzlet - Atlanta Hawks (31-51)

 

[hobbers]

Looks like Heine spent too much off season partying.

 

[Heine]

Im not hungover, its just a headache ;-)

Our depth had always been bad, but it is really non excisting now

 

[nimic]

Im not hungover, its just a headache ;-)

Our depth had always been bad, but it is really non excisting now

It's about to get worse when Sonius probably doesn't sign a new contract at the end of the season. You're 50/50. Basically it's all about the facilities. When you've won 5 rings already you'd much rather not have to work in a dump.

 

[hobbers]

Spurs dont deserve any of the rings we brought them, that's for sure. Bunch of misers and dead beats.

It's like if Bolton won 5 premier leagues in 7 seasons but still played in the Toughsheet Community Stadium.

 

[nimic]

22/23 30-Game Update

@BenitoSTARR @Dan @Dr. Dwayne @P-Nut @Salt Bailly @Skizzo @Solius @Stobzilla @The Cat @V.O. @altodevil @hobbers @oneniltothearsenal @reelworld @sebsheep @weetee @Heine

Solius is still teamless.

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Award Races

sontodevil leads the league in blocks, steals and rebounds, so I can only assume weeweetee and Lil' V.O. are fecking amazing at the intangibles of defending. These lists usually don't stay the same all season, though.

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Trades (gif edition)

Lil-Nut (Heat), Pepper Bailly (Bucks)

Dan II (76ers)

Skizzlet (Hawks), Pepper Bailly (Bucks) - the Hawks are clearly trying to be bad

Skizzlet (Hawks) - the Hawks are clearly trying to be good

sontodevil (Grizzlies), Dr. Junior (Cavaliers) - don't look @Dr. Dwayne, but the Cavs gave away another 1st round pick. They got one back, though. And the Nets are crap, to be fair, so that pick could become anything. It could even become another Josh Jackson. And all it cost them was a first round pick and Josh Jackson.

Skizzlet (Hawks) - just a plain old decent trade

weeweetee & Lil' V.O. (Rockets), sontodevil (Grizzlies)

SebJr (Kings)

 

[hobbers]

Hate it or love it the underdogs gon flop.

 

[weetee]

This seems even better than my historic greatest season ever played.

we can do it, VO!

 

[P-Nut]

We're crap and making ourselves worse. @nimic nuke my contract please, pretty sure I've been here 4 years after this season.

 

[The Cat]

That's one strange career The Cub has had.

 

[Solius]

I’m just doing a de Gea sabbatical.

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

When is my contract with those idiots in Cleveland up?

 

[Heine]

Starting 4-3, then going 23-0