"The Big Sam" on Twitter

npresto

Full Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2002
Messages
239
Location
Dublin
A friend sent me a link to "The Big Sam" on Twitter and said it was the funniest thing he'd read in a long time.

It's a spoof Sam Allardyce Twitter page and I've read some of it and I have to agree.

It's hilarious. BigSam (TheBig_Sam) on Twitter

Click the "More" button at the bottom of the page a few times to back a few weeks.

Enjoy
 
Spent last night laying down a few cuts with Cypress Hill. I think you're going to be excited by what we've come up with.

:lol:
 
8 Fry's Chocolate Cream's before I even got out of my pit, then a cheeky wank while watching Ricki Lake. Big Sam is ready for the day.
:lol:

The Big Sam]Had a bit of a scare there. Thought I'd found a grey patch on my pubes. It's okay though - it was only dried-in Yop.
:lol:

The Big Sam]Have glued a Jaffa Cake to my upper lip. Want to see how long I can resist the temptation to lick it.
47 seconds. Big Sam smirks in the face of temptation and scoffs at the idea of failure.
:lol:

Just brilliant
 
That cnut of an owl ransacked my semi-detached house while I was in Burnley. He duped me. The whole thing was a fecking duping.

:lol:
 
Saw a lovely lass in the park. Told her she was as pretty as a Monet. And that I'd like to suck her shit into a point. Mardy cow walked off.

:lol:
 
In a right bad mood today. Someone took a shit in my empty milk bottles again. That's the fourth time in the last week it's happened.

Don't care what the wife says - no bird can crap that big.

Trying to come up with a nickname for the wife's genitalia. My preferred suggestions so far are "cookie", "elderflower" and "cock-socket".

:lol:
 
Was tempted to piss on a tramp I saw outside the Spar earlier. His eyes revealed his weakness. That and his bin liner trousers.

:lol: when was noodle in the northwest?
 
My mate Fusty Steve says I don't have the guts to shove a Cornetto up my arse. We'll see about that.

Have some of that, Steve. Whether it's mind games, technological prowess or inserting ice creams into my anus - Big Sam can't be beat.

I used a Mint Chocolate Cornetto, by the way. Quite refreshing.

:lol::lol:
 
Cracking day at Aintree with Fergie. You should have seen his wee face in the sidecar as we were heading home. Pure joy.

:lol:
 
Just had a wank with an oven glove on. The sensation was electric, but I've got bits of Findus Crispy Pancake all over my cock now.

:lol:
 
Thinking of giving up on this John Merrick musical I've been working on. Just not sure how believable the break-dancing scene would be.

:lol:
 
Been working with gamma radiation on the lads. Trying to see if I can improve their physical strength. Results have been disappointing
 
Bastard bus driver wouldn't let me bring my skateboard on the bus. Felt like a right twat struggling up the hill as he drove past laughing.
 
Can't wait for the sunny weather. Sitting naked on a leather sofa and slowly peeling your ballbag off the seat is what summer was made for. :lol:
 
just hacked into Owen Coyles facebook.left 40 comments callin K Davies a "big fat cuntstick".All part of plan to lure him to B'Burn.Genius
1:47 AM Mar 29th via web

Owen Coyles at my front door.He looks mad.I'm not answering it!Seems that tool Gamst crumbled when Coyle interrogated him!twat.
12:48 PM Mar 29th via web

:lol:
 
Starkie_1 said:
just hacked into Owen Coyles facebook.left 40 comments callin K Davies a "big fat cuntstick".All part of plan to lure him to B'Burn.Genius
1:47 AM Mar 29th via web

Owen Coyles at my front door.He looks mad.I'm not answering it!Seems that tool Gamst crumbled when Coyle interrogated him!twat.
12:48 PM Mar 29th via web

:lol:
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
That man just brings out the child in Big Sam.
7:25 AM Apr 9th via web
We broke into the Pottery Studio Of Westhoughton, pissed off our tits, and tried to re-enact that scene from 'Ghost'.
7:24 AM Apr 9th via web
Sir Alex just sent me a text. "Remember last year??" it said. I'm going red just thinking about it.

:lol:
 
The missus loves my big, thick sausage fingers. Loves it when I use 'em in bed. "Come on, Big Sam," she pleads. "Give us the digitry."

:lol:
 
Might ask that fella from Rowntrees Randoms ad if he wants a job. that boy is a walking continent of footballing common-sense...
 
Finally agreed to the wife's wishes to inject a bit of role-playing into our love-making sessions. One of the best decisions I've ever made.

The missus dressed up like Davy Crockett while I was a rampaging Mexican soldier.

Told her to pretend her fanny was 'The Alamo' and she had to defend it against my brutal advances. She failed.
 
Had Arctic Roll and pink custard for the lads but they can go and feck. The useless bastards will sit and watch me eat every last one.

:lol:
 
Why can't people embrace the shits? Sit down with a copy of Richard Marx's 'Repeat Offender' & a bowl of Walls Viennetta and just enjoy it.

Sir Alex has texted me already. Says he'll get Mike Phelan to molest me "inside out" if I dare take points of them. What a bloody kidder.

The world may bring many hardships, but an impromptu Skype duet with Sir Alex always melts away the tears. I feel on top of the world.

:lol:
 
Interesting is that he was on Twitter during half-time :D But, they were 0-3 at that moment, he really had nothing to do.
 
'Woke up abruptly from my nap to see the most almighty erection looking back at me. It's surely a sign - Thatcher is dead.'
 
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