Peacock Royale

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kf

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As some of you may know, inspired by Davo's Henry VIII thread, I'm intending to serve the classic Tudor dish Peacock Royale for dinner tomorrow. It'll make a nice change from the usual roast and hopefully add to the celebratory atmosphere should we turn the Arse over. I've located a recipe in a dusty old history book but I'm having trouble acquiring one of the key ingredients, namely one oven-ready peacock. Sainsbury's were no help at all and the woman at Tesco was positively rude.

I got a tip from a bloke in the pub last night but before I follow that up I decided to take a trip to Tatton Park. They've got a few and I'm sure they wouldn't miss one. So I got up early this morning and armed with a bin bag and a Stanley knife got into the park at the Knutsford end. I mean how difficult can it be, I thought.

I soon found one having an early morning peck around near the big house, crept up behind it and grabbed it round the neck.

fecking hell, have you heard the noise these feckers make? Like a banshee on speed. It was thrashing about, knocked the knife out of my hand and making an almighty racket. A parkie came out of the house to see what was occuring. Luckily I've been keeping fit lately 'cos I had to leg it and the fat bastard couldn't keep up but I'm down one Stanley knife and haven't acquired the poultry.

This bloke knows a chap who normally gets game like pheasant and stuff so I'm off to check that out in a bit.

Any ideas?
 
What a fecking weekend.

I met up with this bloke in a pub north of Bolton Saturday lunchtime. It was one of those places where it all goes quiet when a stranger comes through the door. The bloke who gave me the tip said he was Russian but after a word with the barman it turns out he’s Polish. They call him Lenski ‘cos they can’t pronounce his real name and he reminds them of Len Fairclough off Coronation Street. He was sat in the corner with a sack under the table and one foot on the open end to keep whatever was moving about inside. I must admit he looked more like Eddie Yates to me but that’s not germane.

Anyway, I bought him a pint and asked if he could get me a peacock. He said that there wasn’t much call for peacock but he had a badger at home in the freezer and would that do. I said it was hardly the same thing so he said he’d see what he could do. We agreed a price after a bit of haggling and I gave him my mobile and hopped it.

Later in the afternoon he calls and says he’s got the goods and he can drop it off at my place. He soon arrived with a big sack. I had a look inside and sure enough there was a peacock. Unfortunately it hadn’t been plucked but I thought I’d get the kids to help, no problem. So I settled up and Lenski disappeared.

Well it’s a big bird but I enlisted the help of my kids and a few of their mates and they set to plucking the peacock while I go up the road to see a mate who’s got a big spit roast ‘cos I’ve realised the fecker’s not going to fit in the oven. When I got back all hell’s broken loose. The kids are cowering in the corner and a half plucked, sleepy but very angry peacock is clattering about the kitchen squawking a lot. Lenski neglected to say that he’d only doped it. Not having any experience of wild game birds wandering about the kitchen, I was at a loss as to what to do. In the end I decided to set the dog on it.

Well the dog’s of a certain age and he doesn’t get much action so rather than rip it’s throat out he decided to shag it. Suprisingly, the peacock wasn’t too perturbed by this idea and it stood in one place while the dog did the deed. I took the opportunity to get the garden sheers and chop it’s head off.

You know that expression about running around like a headless chicken. You should see a fecking peacock. When it finally dropped the kitchen was a right mess. Fortunately the missus was at her mother’s which gave me time to clear up. However, the kids were none too keen on finishing the plucking so I had to do it myself.

Sunday was comparatively straightforward. I spit roasted the bird in the garden with only a few minor fires and served it up with roasties and all the trimmings. The kids wouldn’t touch it so I had to get them a Macdonalds. It’s quite a pleasant tasting fowl, a little like duck but more gamey. There’s rather a lot left so we’ll be living on Peacock Curry for a while yet.

I think we’ll have chicken next week.
 
:lol: :lol: :lol:

enduring image, chopping the Peacocks head off while its being shagged by the dog
 
Davo said:
Jesus feckin wept..are you insane man?

How desperately did you want this bleedin peacock roast?
Click to expand...
Are you Drifter in disguise?
 
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