Oddballs, latecomers, coke heads and youtubers.

Wheato

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As a match going fan since the late 80's, I have seen an awful lot of changes in that time.

On the old Stretford end, when it was terracing, we got crushed in one of the surges, and my pal fainted and had to be lifted over the railing by a bobby. Ironically, about ten minutes before this incident, the same pal was trying to knock the helmet off the same Coppers head with a half eaten mars bar!

I think as a fanbase, we have gone through some big changes. There has been a long period of season ticket hoarders, where the infamous prawn sandwich brigade, who are now in their 60's & 70's, have kept the same seats for 30 plus years, and you can spot these ones a mile off now, because they are usually on the aisle seats, in the most prominent spots, and usually on their own and not sat with pals anymore. (RIP)

This changed a bit after Covid and a new wave of younger fans emerged. Lots of ethnic minorities have changed the demographic for the better.

This season, I have been able to attend games in all four stands, including the safe standing areas. The new singing area in the middle of the stretford end, and the two safe standing areas in the corners should bring about a better atmosphere, only there hasn't been much to shout about this season. But I can see this being a success when they all join in together.

One thing I have noticed much more than during previous seasons, is people turning up 20 minutes after kick off. Not just 1 or 2 but large groups and families. People disappearing at half time and not coming back? People leaving on 70 minutes? Blokes in their 50's snorting coke in the toilets. This was in the main stand where all the VIP's sit? Single men filming the whole match on their phones. Not singing or joining in with the atmosphere. Just making content for their channel or social media accounts. Children in stone island tops. Lads in shorts, when it is minus temperatures.

I do enjoy a bit of people watching. As you can tell above! I was at a match recently, and you know those ketchup pump dispensers on the concourse, I watched a chap go over to one of them, and thinking it was a hand wash station, like we had everywhere during covid, he pumped ketchup into his hand and then looked around thinking he'd gotten away with it. But if you are reading this now. I saw it all and I laughed a lot.

Share your funny tales on this thread...
 
i remember when you used to be able to bring your dog to old trafford and the ticket lady would know his name and give him a pig’s dick and say it was from the gaffer. i knew he’d be too busy for such gestures, but it showed the club cared and put its fans first.
 
I took my daughter to her first game last season - she was 7. We sat in the East Stand, quite close to the away fans so i expected a bit of 'banter'

The bloke sat in front of my daughter was real tall, mid forties, he was with his Mrs. She was tiny. As he was about to sit down before kick off he turned round to my daughter and said ''oh, im sorry, I'm going to be blocking your view with my massive head aren't I? Ill swap, we will put her(his Mrs) in front of you so you can see more of the game''

I thought - thats nice - normally people aren't as considerate. What a nice thoughtful man. I was happy she would be able to enjoy her first game.

Anyway, as they swapped seats with each other and before he sat down, he couldnt resist. He stood facing the West Ham mob, arms a lot before pointing at them with one hand and simulating polishing a banana with the other. ''YOU F@#CK#NG COCKNEY PR#@KS. F@#CK#NG SOFT SOUTHERN C@#TS'' and so on.

It was hilarious how it went from one extreme to the other in about 5 seconds flat. My daughter found it funny, though I did need to explain to her a little about the tribalism involved in football. She still remembers it now.... more than the game to be honest.
 
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Failures with the new app ticketing system may explain some of the latecomers - has been large queues at our turnstile well after kick off last few matches

This reminds me of the bizarre Welsh bloke who sat next to me in East Stand for a couple of years - he'd always turn up late, spend much of the first half with his back to the pitch chatting to mates on the row behind. Then disappear well before half time to get a round in and often never reappeared for 2nd half which was always a bonus because he was massive and Old Trafford seats aren't known for their generous leg room
 
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My first game in 2001 (Giggsy's testimonial) I had the supreme honour of seeing Terry Christian chant 'You Scouse Bastards' at Celtic fans. A real man of the people, our Tel. Almost beat meeting Gerry Adams in the toilets at Croke Park.

Bournemouth at home last season was bad enough only for a lady in front to pick a fight with everyone, myself included. 'Is you Irish, is ya? Can't ya sport ya own teams ahahahaha. Wha? Y'wha?' Had a full on shouting match about a sandwich with the lad sat next to me.

Her bloke, also Irish, didn't know where to look.
 
I've noticed that some people just stand where they like in the Stretford End. They might have tickets for another stand but the turnstiles let you in anywhere, so they go to the Stretford end and just shimmy in any row. It's easy to get away with it because people aren't actually sitting in the seats.
 
sired44 said:
I took my daughter to her first game last season - she was 7. We sat in the East Stand, quite close to the away fans so i expected a bit of 'banter'

The bloke sat in front of my daughter was real tall, mid forties, he was with his Mrs. She was tiny. As he was about to sit down before kick off he turned round to my daughter and said ''oh, im sorry, I'm going to be blocking your view with my massive head aren't I? Ill swap, we will put her(his Mrs) in front of you so you can see more of the game''

I thought - thats nice - normally people aren't as considerate. What a nice thoughtful man. I was happy she would be able to enjoy her first game.

Anyway, as they swapped seats with each other and before he sat down, he couldnt resist. He stood facing the West Ham mob, arms a lot before pointing at them with one hand and simulating polishing a banana with the other. ''YOU F@#CK#NG COCKNEY PR#@KS. F@#CK#NG SOFT SOUTHERN C@#TS'' and so on.

It was hilarious how it went from one extreme to the other in about 5 seconds flat. My daughter found it funny, though I did need to explain to her a little about the tribalism involved in football. She still remembers it now.... more than the game to be honest.
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The two sides of Harry Maguire.
 
It’s not the same now is it, especially us older generation who remember the good old days of the 70’s and 80’s when those oldies you talk about were in their prime.
Standing up in the Stretford End when if you were older than a teenager you were too old ( I graduated from the Stretty in 76 when I was 21 and made it to the Scoreboard paddock with the big boys )
The football was even worse than it is now but the paddock overlooked the away fans in the scoreboard end so always plenty of banter.

My memory was of the late Georgie Lyons a well renowned Collyhurst red with his good mate Ted, one game when the football was particularly bad Ted put a cardboard box on his head and didn’t take it off for the whole 90 mins. I might try that if it doesn’t improve
Happy days
 
Went once upon a time with my older brother. He stood up and tried to get a chant of "I fecking hate scousers, I fecking hate scousers.." going. No one joined in. A bloke in front turned around and just said "this is the family stand dick head. Shut up and sit down." which I thought was pretty funny.
 
Like a modern version of Frank Drebin's "like being in the stand of a Los Angeles Raiders game". I enjoyed this opening post.
 
Carl said:
Went once upon a time with my older brother. He stood up and tried to get a chant of "I fecking hate scousers, I fecking hate scousers.." going. No one joined in. A bloke in front turned around and just said "this is the family stand dick head. Shut up and sit down." which I thought was pretty funny.
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"older brother"

It was you, wasn't it?
 
I will admit to leaving early during the Spurs and Leicester games (spurs on their 3rd goal, Leicester on about 86min). I would have never considered that in my younger days but I value getting home quicker more than I used to :lol:
 
Took my lad to his first game this season against Brentford and thankfully he got to see a win, a couple of great goals and some quality fun and games with the Stretford End.

Some bellend got into it with the stewards and the next thing you know he is being hauled out of the exit, kicking and screaming as he was surrounded by a number of handsy stewards at once, in the last moments as he disappeared into the exit somebody snatched the beanie off his head which then proceeded to be thrown repeatedly into the air in the Stretford End to great roars of approval. The hat finally made it's way to the more gentile confines of the Sir Bobby Charlton stand whose denizens were then subjected to a rousing chorus of "We want out hat back" from the Stretford End.

Apologies if anyone reading this is the bellend in question.
 
It's been far too long but the last time I was at Old Trafford was the game after George Best died. Think it was a league cup match against WBA. The stadium sang the Georgie Best World song for the entire 2nd half punctuated occasionally by the 5 Cantonas song.

Ronaldo played and scored and I think Rossi scored also.

What I remember above all though was the Baggies fans joining in with everything. They were so respectful and an absolute credit to their club. Final whistle they got a huge clap and cheer from the home fans.
 
Gandalf said:
Took my lad to his first game this season against Brentford and thankfully he got to see a win, a couple of great goals and some quality fun and games with the Stretford End.

Some bellend got into it with the stewards and the next thing you know he is being hauled out of the exit, kicking and screaming as he was surrounded by a number of handsy stewards at once, in the last moments as he disappeared into the exit somebody snatched the beanie off his head which then proceeded to be thrown repeatedly into the air in the Stretford End to great roars of approval. The hat finally made it's way to the more gentile confines of the Sir Bobby Charlton stand whose denizens were then subjected to a rousing chorus of "We want out hat back" from the Stretford End.

Apologies if anyone reading this is the bellend in question.
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I genuinely thought Cantona was in the Stretford End when this was going on because of the chant and everyone looking back into the crowd. Was funny to see, but when my expectation was Cantona and reality was some pissed muppet I was very disappointed.
 
My first game at Old Trafford was when I was 10. My old man was working in Southampton so we got the tickets through there and were sat in the away end behind the goal. Their fans were going mad after having a goal dubiously ruled out and some bloke started having a right go at Schmeichel so I turned round, stood in my seat and told him to shut the feck up.

My dad dragged me down by the collar thinking we were going to be killed but everyone just laughed at me. He gave me such a bollocking at half time I was scared to even fist pump the two goals we scored down that end in the second half.
 
Gandalf said:
Took my lad to his first game this season against Brentford and thankfully he got to see a win, a couple of great goals and some quality fun and games with the Stretford End.

Some bellend got into it with the stewards and the next thing you know he is being hauled out of the exit, kicking and screaming as he was surrounded by a number of handsy stewards at once, in the last moments as he disappeared into the exit somebody snatched the beanie off his head which then proceeded to be thrown repeatedly into the air in the Stretford End to great roars of approval. The hat finally made it's way to the more gentile confines of the Sir Bobby Charlton stand whose denizens were then subjected to a rousing chorus of "We want out hat back" from the Stretford End.

Apologies if anyone reading this is the bellend in question.
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I was stood near that incident and it seemed like the lad got carried away with a few chants from the crowd backing him up as the police were trying to escort him out without too much force. He ended up punching a copper and that was when they dragged him out with his hat falling off. You'd assume he's earned himself several additional weeks in the cells for that punch. But at least he got a loud cheer from it.
 
Wheato said:
I was at a match recently, and you know those ketchup pump dispensers on the concourse, I watched a chap go over to one of them, and thinking it was a hand wash station, like we had everywhere during covid, he pumped ketchup into his hand and then looked around thinking he'd gotten away with it. But if you are reading this now. I saw it all and I laughed a lot.
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:lol:
 
Only been once. Was talking to a mate and said "I hope we get to see some goals"

Older gentleman, probably in his seventies, turned around and said in the most Northern accent Id ever heard: "You've come to the wrong club mate"

Was during the LVG days :lol:
 
onemanarmy said:
Only been once. Was talking to a mate and said "I hope we get to see some goals"

Older gentleman, probably in his seventies, turned around and said in the most Northern accent Id ever heard: "You've come to the wrong club mate"

Was during the LVG days :lol:
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I feel like this Brent-esque chat between mates is even funnier than the old man’s joke :lol:
 
My first and only game was in 2021. My buddies and I all the way from Houston. Met these girls (who we later were told were proper slags...a term we hadn't learned at the time). One of them kept asking us if we had any cocaine...as if we brought it from the States. Watched that same slag threaten this dude while we were post-gaming at the Trafford Pub because he had purchased a half and half scarf for the game since it was his 21st birthday. She took it off him and threw it in the trash. I helped him get it back and hide it for the rest of the time he was there.

Such a different and amazing atmosphere from any sporting event in the US. I've told friends and family here that we are not truly fans of our teams...at least no where near the level like it is there. Can't wait to get back next year for my 50th birthday!
 
Gandalf said:
Took my lad to his first game this season against Brentford and thankfully he got to see a win, a couple of great goals and some quality fun and games with the Stretford End.

Some bellend got into it with the stewards and the next thing you know he is being hauled out of the exit, kicking and screaming as he was surrounded by a number of handsy stewards at once, in the last moments as he disappeared into the exit somebody snatched the beanie off his head which then proceeded to be thrown repeatedly into the air in the Stretford End to great roars of approval. The hat finally made it's way to the more gentile confines of the Sir Bobby Charlton stand whose denizens were then subjected to a rousing chorus of "We want out hat back" from the Stretford End.

Apologies if anyone reading this is the bellend in question.
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Gabriel Djemba-Bebe said:
I was stood near that incident and it seemed like the lad got carried away with a few chants from the crowd backing him up as the police were trying to escort him out without too much force. He ended up punching a copper and that was when they dragged him out with his hat falling off. You'd assume he's earned himself several additional weeks in the cells for that punch. But at least he got a loud cheer from it.
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He was completely off his head on something - had seen him in the first half getting shunted around from row to row.
Wouldn't call it a punch exactly but certainly upgraded him from just getting ejected to some jail time.

 
Rood said:
He was completely off his head on something - had seen him in the first half getting shunted around from row to row.
Wouldn't call it a punch exactly but certainly upgraded him from just getting ejected to some jail time.

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Ah, I saw the copper's hat go flying so I thought he made a better connection with his hand. Oh well, I have little sympathy for any adult wearing a shirt with CR7 on the back of this season's kit.
 
I admit that we’ve been late to the evening games this season, traffic being the reason so we won’t have been the only ones. We give ourselves 3+ hours to drive 70 miles and have missed kick off by a few minutes each time, we didn’t even make it to the Twente game. After two hours we’d only gone 20 miles so turned around and went home.

We’ve moved this season from East lower to the safe standing in the NW quad, thought that the atmosphere would be better but apart from a few regulars on our row it’s different faces around us every week, and they’re mostly watching through their phone screens. At the Leicester game last week I had a lad next to me who kept shouting really loudly “oh my god what a match, what a match” over and over again. I can understand thinking that if we were 5-2 up against City or Liverpool but a poor Leicester side in the league cup?
 
Whatsername said:
I admit that we’ve been late to the evening games this season, traffic being the reason so we won’t have been the only ones. We give ourselves 3+ hours to drive 70 miles and have missed kick off by a few minutes each time, we didn’t even make it to the Twente game. After two hours we’d only gone 20 miles so turned around and went home.

We’ve moved this season from East lower to the safe standing in the NW quad, thought that the atmosphere would be better but apart from a few regulars on our row it’s different faces around us every week, and they’re mostly watching through their phone screens. At the Leicester game last week I had a lad next to me who kept shouting really loudly “oh my god what a match, what a match” over and over again. I can understand thinking that if we were 5-2 up against City or Liverpool but a poor Leicester side in the league cup?
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It is cringe seeing people watch most of the game through their phone screens, especially as it does nothing for the atmosphere. One of my concerns about building a new stadium next door is that it becomes soulless. At least we currently have some traditional aspects to our ground that keeps the atmosphere in tact. On the other hand, if everyone around me is going to be sat down, then I wouldn't mind going somewhere with better leg room. Honestly I'm still torn on whether or not I want a new stadium.
 
Haven't been to a home game in years now. I kind of miss it but life is just too busy.

When I did go always found the weekend games the atmosphere could be half decent, especially in the stands at either end of the pitch. Midweek games I wouldn't recognise most of the people sat around me and sometimes it'd be almost complete silence all game. We played Celtic in the CL once and where I was there were literally more Celtic fans than United. Half of them stropped off once it was 3-0 because the United fans were giving them grief. Although it was all surprisingly good natured both ways.

Favourite memory was being sat to the side of the goal in the Stretford End vs Chelsea. Torres scoring and giving it large to the fans where we were sat. Then not long after missing that open goal right in front of exactly the same section he'd gestured towards. Obviously we all ran down to the boarding to give it large back, while De Gea just stared at him looking bemused. I was also extra glad Nani's goal flew into the top corner because it was otherwise heading for my face.

Also did kind of sympathise with the people who left early. If I had to get back home after an evening or Sunday game, it was very stressful trying to get from the stadium to Manchester Piccadilly in time. You'd have to sprint off at the whistle and hope they weren't doing the 1 tram every 40 minutes thing. Not sure if its any different now but Manchester hadn't yet realised that people still use public transport on Sundays.

Rood said:
Failures with the new app ticketing system may explain some of the latecomers - has been large queues at our turnstile well after kick off last few matches

This reminds me of the bizarre Welsh bloke who sat next to me in East Stand for a couple of years - he'd always turn up late, spend much of the first half with his back to the pitch chatting to mates on the row behind. Then disappear well before half time to get a round in and often never reappeared for 2nd half which was always a bonus because he was massive and Old Trafford seats aren't known for their generous leg room
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If its the same guy I'm thinking of he threw his phone into my back once then pretended it wasn't his. So it just sat on the concourse with a big crack in it until a steward came and collected it with about 10 minutes left in the game. The couple of times I was there it was a relief when he didn't come back. It meant the second half could relax and enjoy itself (apart from the people waiting for him to come back with their drinks)
 
Few seasons ago, I traveled to another city to support my local team at an away game. My seat was close to the home supporters, just before the match, someone in the home stand threw a PMT at me.(pmt means “paid meal ticket” which is basically a restaurant gift card at one of the restaurants in that town.)

As soon as the PMT paper touched me, the home supporters screamed a bunch of insults at me about my poor town and how we need the meal ticket.
Barely 20 minutes into the game, my team took the lead from a corner. I jumped up, squeezed the PMT and threw it right back at them then I unleashed an absolute torrent of insults in our language that would sober up a drunk British lad. Man, I was so happy.

10 minutes or so later, our right back went missing and they equalized. Before halftime, we got countered and the right back couldn’t keep up so we went down 2-1. Second half they scored one more to make it three.

I traveled back home that day feeling like an idiot twice over. Could have at least used the free meal.

Ohh and that right back quit the team because he became a permanent crock. The new local right back is somehow an even worse player than the old shit one. I don’t even know why I bother with this team.
 
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noodlehair said:
Haven't been to a home game in years now. I kind of miss it but life is just too busy.

When I did go always found the weekend games the atmosphere could be half decent, especially in the stands at either end of the pitch. Midweek games I wouldn't recognise most of the people sat around me and sometimes it'd be almost complete silence all game. We played Celtic in the CL once and where I was there were literally more Celtic fans than United. Half of them stropped off once it was 3-0 because the United fans were giving them grief. Although it was all surprisingly good natured both ways.

Favourite memory was being sat to the side of the goal in the Stretford End vs Chelsea. Torres scoring and giving it large to the fans where we were sat. Then not long after missing that open goal right in front of exactly the same section he'd gestured towards. Obviously we all ran down to the boarding to give it large back, while De Gea just stared at him looking bemused. I was also extra glad Nani's goal flew into the top corner because it was otherwise heading for my face.

Also did kind of sympathise with the people who left early. If I had to get back home after an evening or Sunday game, it was very stressful trying to get from the stadium to Manchester Piccadilly in time. You'd have to sprint off at the whistle and hope they weren't doing the 1 tram every 40 minutes thing. Not sure if its any different now but Manchester hadn't yet realised that people still use public transport on Sundays.



If its the same guy I'm thinking of he threw his phone into my back once then pretended it wasn't his. So it just sat on the concourse with a big crack in it until a steward came and collected it with about 10 minutes left in the game. The couple of times I was there it was a relief when he didn't come back. It meant the second half could relax and enjoy itself (apart from the people waiting for him to come back with their drinks)
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Ye that was him, proper weirdo - I've moved seats twice since then into the new standing areas, being near the Away fans was great when we were good but not so great in recent times
 
My first experiences of going to OT in the early 90s were with my Dad, who was a ST holder. Occasionally one of the regulars wouldn't be able to make a game and I'd go in their place. That group sat together every week, and had done for 15/20 years on and off. The downside was one of the regulars sat directly infront was a chainsmoker, so I'd be coughing for a week afterwards. Also, my Dad was mates with Tony Hill, who wrote the famous book on United called "If The Kids Are United". Not sure exactly how well they knew each other...more friendly acquaintances I think than best pals. They had very similar backgrounds, both grew up as United-supporting Punks in the same mining town in the Midlands during the 70s.

When the Glazers bought the club, my Dad gave me his ST, I was 16 at the time. I used to go to games on my own on the supporters bus and have to hang around for hours before KO with no money and nothing to do. My favourite games where the games when Red Issue had a new fanzine out, because it was only £2 and I could read that to pass the time. It was awful having three hours to kill before every game but at least the football was good! I think this was why, later in life, when living in Manchester again, I always arrived 5mins late. I couldn't stand being in OT any longer than was necessary after 5 seasons of waiting for three hours!

We still had corporate types then who had no interest in football. I remember a young woman and an African chap sitting next to me one weekend, they were obviously meeting for the first time on some kind of corporate meet and greet / networking trip.

The bloke made some half-hearted attempts to appear interested for about ten minutes, occasionally shouting generic things like "pass the ball" and "come on guys!"...before turning to the women, with about 11-minutes on the clock and saying "should we leave?" and she agreed before he even finished his sentence. That was them gone, didn't come back!

I gave my ST up after Jose's 2nd season, we'd actually finished 2nd but I was missing more and more games due to other commitments, my Dad had passed away and the other lad I attended games with was losing interest. Couldn't be bothered spending £1000 a season to sit on my own, amidst a flat and/or toxic atmosphere 10-12 times a season. Was wasting half the tickets and couldn't justify it.

I went to nearly every home game from about November in EtHs first season as my sister had a ST but was pregnant. Quite enjoyed it, got a new lease of fun out of it with the crowd feeling very positive and enjoyed being in the singing section over the sterile atmosphere in East Stand and North Stand. Beer was also cheap and very often had a spare from somewhere so could rope a mate in on the promise of £3 pints and a few drinks before / after.

Not interesting to anybody but me I'm sure but we all have our own boring, mundane experiences of watching United and how it's changed over the years!
 
Bryan Robson testimonial, in 1990. At the end of the match, the fans went onto the pitch. We exchanged scarves with the Celtic fans who were in the scoreboard end. Half the ground was still terracing, but they were starting to take down the fences, post Hillsborough, so you could access the pitch from United road and Stretford paddock/Main Stand.

The stretford end, where we were, still had spikes on the fencing. I was with a bunch of lads from school, and we wanted to get onto the pitch, so we had to climb over a fence from the Stretford end to get into United road, and then straight onto the pitch. There was this 'chunky' lad from school, and in his attempt to get over the fence, he managed to snag the leg of his baggy jeans onto one of the spikes on the main fence, but un-deterred, he still threw his body over the fence, in the hope that gravity would free him. It did not, and he ended up hanging from the fence, with the entire Stretford end laughing at him. His paisley boxer shorts illuminated by the floodlights. A group of coppers stood there looking up at him and laughing, in those days the matches didn't have stewards it was all coppers. Eventually, after letting him soak up the error of his ways, they managed to get him off the fence, with half his trouser leg missing.

Think I laughed for about a week. Still laughing now.
 
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My family are all north west, Cumbria these days but Lancashire once upon a time. My parents moved down south to London before I was born, chasing jobs and the like. I was born in '87, cursed shall we say, with the family instruction of supporting United but in school of course I was a 'glory supporter'! Doesn't matter now, but it did then.... Anyway, money was tight, distance was far and unfortunately I didn't get to OT until the Moyes year, a match against Fulham. Yes, my first game at Old Trafford was the night of a thousand crosses!

Since then, I've been many more joyful times than that one (including Martial's debut!) but am now a season ticket holder for the women and enjoy their games live so much more than I ever did the men
 
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Not OT, but I’ll never forget being at Wembley for England Italy, we lost 2-0 to two Zola goals.

There was an old man right in front of us, he must have been in his eighties. He had two walking sticks and spent most of the match standing up, waving them both in the air, shouting in a weak old man voice, “Shearer, you cnut, you’re fecking useless!” over and over.
 
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