Mental issues topics : How to solve conflicts in a football club, family and life in general?

LuckyScout78

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I am going to a create a thread about mental issues and topics related to football and life in general.

I got this idea. When 2 years back in time. When Ten Hag first took over and I read that Garnacho had some attitude’s problem in preseason. Reason why Garnacho didn’t got picked or the match day squad for some pre season matches.

And now, 2 years I starting to write first post about some topics relate to our minds/mental and ours human ego. And how to not get carry away by ours success we achieved in ours life. Special for young players like Garnacho and Kobbie Mainoo. Two young players that achieved success really early in theirs football career.

In other words. How to handle success? So we still keep our feet on the ground. How to stay grounded? And it relate of course to ours human ego’s mind. How we can control and be aware of ours human ego’s mind.

That was short about how I got the idea from. Not only for football youngster. But life in general. Where and when we achieved success really early and do not know how to control ours human ego mind.



1. First topic and issue to solve is. How to control ours human ego?

First to solve it. We have to understand what human ego mind is. How it thoughts and how it behave/react.

A short definition of egoic mind from Google :

“ Egoic simply means “pertaining to ego” or “pertaining to I.” Egoic thoughts, motives, emotions, and behaviors are reactions in which I, me, and mine take center stage. An egoic reaction is one in which I am centrally involved. “



Like examples:

+ “I did it by myself “. “I have achieved everything by myself “

+ “This is MY style, don’t steal it”

+ Situation when ours human ego appear :

  • Fighting with your teammates about taking penalaties
  • Your teammate is in a better position to score than your position you are at. And you don’t pass and instead you try to score. Which you failure.


Our human ego mind :

  • It is all about I,I,I, I and ME, ME, ME, ME. Always want to most of the credit. Or take the center stage like describe above.
  • Ours human ego is leading by a narrow perspective. Opposite of a wider and total picture perspective.


Now I will explain how our human ego is related and leading by ours narrow perspective. Egoics synonyms with a narrow perspective.



From the most and extreme narrow perspective ---> to widest and total picture perspective.



Most narrow perspective:

+ I can do everything by myself to achieve everything I want.

Only I/Me = success

+ Me + One another person = success

+ Me + Mine teammates = success

+ Me + Mine teammates + mine coaches + The kit man + Clubs chef/food + Physio = success



Me + MT + Mine coaches + all peoples relate to the club + The owner + the sponsorships = success



Me + Mt + Mine coaches + all peoples relate to the club + The owners + the sponsorships + your football boots + The level of your opponents/how good they are/the level of the competition = success or not



Now the Sun, this Earth, big leaders and the Universe are claiming theirs credit too, to ours success.


Total and widest perspective. Opposite or our narrow human perspective and ego :

Me + Mt + Mine coaches + all peoples relate to the club + The owners + the sponsorships + your football boots + The level of your opponents/how good they are/the level of the + This earth/space + The Sun keeps this earth alive + Big leaders in this world = our success temporary.



So from the analysis above :

+ Our human ego is leading by our narrow perspective. Our human doesn’t see things in this life and Universe. With a widely and more correct perspective. Then ours behaviours will lead by this narrow perspective. Which we thought we have always been see things right.



+ The wider and total perspective is more = We than I & Me

We perspective = I need others factors/ingredients to success = everyone on this Universe, include the sun. Do play theirs part on my success. In every field and areas of life.



Example:

+ A football pitch and stadium is a space on this earth. And the earth need the sun to exist. Keep the earth warm and electricity to the stadium.

+ Big leaders. Not starting wars around your country. Our your country didn’t get involve in war. So the football didn’t stop by it. So theirs decision do play big part.

+ Millions of peoples are creating food we are eating to survive and play the game

+ Boots, Kits and etc.



So to solve and control our human ego mind is :

From a narrow perspective/ego/ I <---------------- change to ----------> We, bigger, wider and total perspective.

If we change ours perspective. On how we looks at things in life. Take refugee in the bigger picture perspective and stay in it. We can over time, can reduce or control ours human ego and mind.

BUT it needs time. Like everything in this world. Because we have since growing up as a babies. We have been learn by society and peoples around us. Cheering our human ego up. Time by time. Our human ego just growing bigger and bigger. Like a gas ballon. Always ready to explode, at anytime. So it has became a habit and how we behaviour. It come our personality and identity.



And of course we can change ours perspective and behaviours. Because ours narrow perspective are just result of many reasons and ingredients that lead to a narrow perspective.

It is a result of relations between many units and factors. Things in this Universe doesn’t exist by themselves = narrow perspective.

But again. It needs time to change the narrow perspective. And even when we see and knows things right and wider. But we human have habit to switch back to our narrow perspective. It can happen. In heat of fighting example. Our the demon in us/our ego mind talking in our mind to do ego things and decision.

So it just normal to fall back to narrow perspective. But when we have realize and accept that right perspective is more “WE” thand “I only “. When those ego narrow thought pop up. We just pull it to the wider perspective.

“Everything in this Universe is interdependence on each others and everything are result of interdependence “

Result of many units, ingredients, components and reasons that merge into a temporary result. Like success or anything physical material.



Again sum up. If we stay in this wider and right perspective. We can control ours human ego and how to keeps ours feet on the ground.

And of course we can handle the success we achieve in ours life too.

Contra if we are seeing and leading by ours narrow perspective and ours human ego mind. Then at some point we will meet the wall. Just to remind us. We can’t do and achieve everything alone. We need teammates, the level of ours opponents and a lot more factors.

So it was it has been a cliché why players, actors and peoples that are winning individual awards. Having speeches thanking a lot of peoples. Being thankful and appreciate others efforts are signs that you have seen things right.



But in the end. Not all peoples have a wider perspective and still have a really narrow perspective. Because of how ours society are created. So it is no need to look down and fight with them. Help them, not fighting. Like : “ Why are you so ego? “ “Why are you thinking of yourself all the time? “

And a lot of peoples are that. It is not easy to change peoples’s perspective.

But we can change ourselves first. From a narrow perspective to a wider and more correct perspective.

Even it is hard to conquer our own ego and winning over ourselves. But like above. Everything can change. Everything is not permanent. Like ours perspective and ego.

Right perspective is the key



And the main reason why our human can be so big and high that we lost ours feet on the ground.
 
Important subject and fair play for bringing it up although I'm not reading all that.
 
Not going to take the piss with this one but I'm glad you're discussing it. I'll try to read it if I get time.
 
Mines opinion is that yours thread title is a feckin' abomination.

(I'm sure the content is grand, but do something about the title - unless it's a piss take of some kind that I don't get, which is entirely possible.)
 
The first mistake you made was using Google to explain what the ego is.

I've done a lot of work on this, trust me bro, do a deep dive into Buddhism if you want to know what the ego is all about. If you read it off Google, all you are doing is reading a, mainly, left wing, liberal viewpoint of what the ego is. It will be flawed, because someone with an 'ego' would have written it, so it will instantly be wrong and biased.

The true definition of ego is explained fully by Buddhists. Only then will you get a true picture and understanding of it, from a non political or biased view.

I spent years studying it and reading about it, its very complex.

Hope this helps.
 
I like the bit where you said you were going to create this thread, I hope it goes well
 
All good points, but how do you actually put the solution into practice? Understanding it theoretically is the (comparatively) easy part of the problem.
 
Chelsea Dubbing said:
The first mistake you made was using Google to explain what the ego is.

I've done a lot of work on this, trust me bro, do a deep dive into Buddhism if you want to know what the ego is all about. If you read it off Google, all you are doing is reading a, mainly, left wing, liberal viewpoint of what the ego is. It will be flawed, because someone with an 'ego' would have written it, so it will instantly be wrong and biased.

The true definition of ego is explained fully by Buddhists. Only then will you get a true picture and understanding of it, from a non political or biased view.

I spent years studying it and reading about it, its very complex.

Hope this helps.
Click to expand...

TIL that the definition of “ego” can be right wing or left wing. Nobody mentioned that during my psychodynamic psychotherapy training.
 
Chelsea Dubbing said:
The first mistake you made was using Google to explain what the ego is.

I've done a lot of work on this, trust me bro, do a deep dive into Buddhism if you want to know what the ego is all about. If you read it off Google, all you are doing is reading a, mainly, left wing, liberal viewpoint of what the ego is. It will be flawed, because someone with an 'ego' would have written it, so it will instantly be wrong and biased.

The true definition of ego is explained fully by Buddhists. Only then will you get a true picture and understanding of it, from a non political or biased view.

I spent years studying it and reading about it, its very complex.

Hope this helps.
Click to expand...

how would you define the ego given you learnings on the subject?
 
Obviously nobody reading all that.

But, our medical department is shit, so 100% our mental health/psychology dept, if we have one, will also be shit.
 
I love the fact that lucky scout create threads and then neither replies to anyone nor participate in any conversation regarding the topic:lol:
 
I (chatGPT) took the time to summarise this to help out.

The post is a discussion about managing ego, particularly in the context of football, but also in life in general. The writer reflects on how young footballers, like Garnacho and Kobbie Mainoo, who achieve success early, must learn to stay grounded and control their ego.

The key idea is that human ego tends to focus on "I" and "me," leading people to believe they achieve success alone. The writer argues for a shift from this narrow, self-centered perspective to a broader view that recognizes the contribution of others—teammates, coaches, staff, and even external factors like the sun, earth, and societal leaders. This wider perspective promotes humility and gratitude.

Controlling ego, the writer suggests, is a gradual process that requires time and effort. Society often reinforces ego, making it harder to change, but understanding that success is a result of many interdependent factors helps keep people grounded. The post ends by emphasizing that individuals can change themselves and their perspectives, even if others are stuck in ego-driven mindsets.
 
Phil said:
I (chatGPT) took the time to summarise this to help out.

The post is a discussion about managing ego, particularly in the context of football, but also in life in general. The writer reflects on how young footballers, like Garnacho and Kobbie Mainoo, who achieve success early, must learn to stay grounded and control their ego.

The key idea is that human ego tends to focus on "I" and "me," leading people to believe they achieve success alone. The writer argues for a shift from this narrow, self-centered perspective to a broader view that recognizes the contribution of others—teammates, coaches, staff, and even external factors like the sun, earth, and societal leaders. This wider perspective promotes humility and gratitude.

Controlling ego, the writer suggests, is a gradual process that requires time and effort. Society often reinforces ego, making it harder to change, but understanding that success is a result of many interdependent factors helps keep people grounded. The post ends by emphasizing that individuals can change themselves and their perspectives, even if others are stuck in ego-driven mindsets.
Click to expand...
Still too long, ask chattything to shorten it and bring some sex in to draw attention.
 
Chelsea Dubbing said:
The first mistake you made was using Google to explain what the ego is.

I've done a lot of work on this, trust me bro, do a deep dive into Buddhism if you want to know what the ego is all about. If you read it off Google, all you are doing is reading a, mainly, left wing, liberal viewpoint of what the ego is. It will be flawed, because someone with an 'ego' would have written it, so it will instantly be wrong and biased.

The true definition of ego is explained fully by Buddhists. Only then will you get a true picture and understanding of it, from a non political or biased view.

I spent years studying it and reading about it, its very complex.

Hope this helps.
Click to expand...
That's exactly why I wouldn't.

And that's exactly where I stopped reading.
 
I think a big part of the problem is something I heard Rio referring to in an interview a few years back which is the lack of discipline amongst young players. Rio was saying that in his days as a youth team player, they'd be expected to clean the boots of the senior team. Rio said that this sort of thing is just unheard of now.

Rio was also saying that a lot of young players these days expect to be treated like superstars from the get go. They are so pampered as it is, and when they are given these huge contracts, it creates an environment for ego and an attitude of entitlement to spiral out of control.

The reason Fergie's United were so successful is because Fergie wasn't afraid to discipline players. He had that warm, fatherly side to him as well of course, but his refusal to let any player think they are bigger than the club kept the egos in check. Discipline teaches accountability, responsibility, and consequences for one's actions.

One of the best examples (in my opinion anyway) is Ronaldo. He was always a twat from the beginning, but Fergie's discipline alongside his fatherly influence kept his ego under control and kept him more responsible. As soon as he left us for Madrid, he lost that fatherly influence and his ego began to spiral out of control. Hence the reason for his stratospheric ego when he returned to us in 2021.

I honestly believe that although leaving for Madrid was amazing for his career, it didn't do his mental health any good as he lost that fatherly influence from Fergie that kept him grounded.

To sum it up - there is too much entitlement in footballers these days, and not enough discipline. Jose said it best - "Footballers these days are not men - they're brats".
 
I think it's important the keep the 'I' without having to be a dickhead. Without the 'I' you'll be left with players with no motivation to be successful. Stuffs like 'I want to be successful so <<insert personal dreams here>> therefore I'd push my team mates to do more' is not wrong as long as it lifts the overall standards of the team (like what Ronaldo used to do under SAF). But if it's about 'I want to look good for myself without any reason whatsoever' then that's when it becomes problematic.
 
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Chelsea Dubbing said:
The first mistake you made was using Google to explain what the ego is.

I've done a lot of work on this, trust me bro, do a deep dive into Buddhism if you want to know what the ego is all about. If you read it off Google, all you are doing is reading a, mainly, left wing, liberal viewpoint of what the ego is. It will be flawed, because someone with an 'ego' would have written it, so it will instantly be wrong and biased.

The true definition of ego is explained fully by Buddhists. Only then will you get a true picture and understanding of it, from a non political or biased view.

I spent years studying it and reading about it, its very complex.

Hope this helps.
Click to expand...
Wow ... can't tell if this is satire :lol:

(Which would be brilliant, mind)
 
Mental issues topics : How to solve conflicts in a football club, family and life in general?

Still the things and solution that goes over and over again. Is to change our human point of view. Like in the first post.

Change from our human narrow point of view -------------> wider, bigger picture and more enlightened point of view. A point of view that is in common with "Interpendence". A process that in implies all the ingredients, reasons and factors that will lead to conflicts/result/ a situation that peoples fighting and disagree with each others. Everything relate and depend on each others that will lead to conflict.


A conflict that i will use as an example in a football club that happen really often. A disagreement between the manager/coach and players.
Like Erik Ten Hag and Jadon Sancho case :

"Erik ten Hag was asked about Jadon Sancho's absence from the matchday squad at the Emirates "

What Ten Hag responded to the reporter : ""He did not reach the standard expected in practice sessions. You have to reach a level every day at Manchester United and we can make choices in the front line."

Jadon Sancho respond : "He has been made scapegoat by the manager don't believe everything you read "


Now. Let us analyze the conflict :

From a human point of view and one of a way human can act. Like Jadon Sancho did. A human with a narrow point of view and a eager to defend and respond to what he seem wasn't right. I m not expecting like Sancho should talk and solve it behind door and private with Ten Hag. He just acted as Jadon Sancho. Not from my point of view on how he should.
We human all have a defend mechanism when something/someone is touching our ego and said something that is not true about us. Not only in football. By life every where general. In the social public life.

And Ten Hag reacted as a human and from a manager and leader point of view. That one of his players confront with him in the public. So his ego was touching by Sancho respond. And i am not expect Ten Hag should react in a best and most positive way.
Leaders, big leaders use to have big ego. And if someone confront with them like. Like United many legends in the past. It's no way back.

So. How do we solve this conflict?
First. In Jadon Sancho's mind : "What Ten Hag said wasn't right"
In Ten Hag's mind : "Sancho wasn't allow to confront me in the public"

So in Sancho's mind : "I am right, Ten Hag was wrong"
In Ten Hag mind: " I am right. Sancho was wrong. The way he act and respond in public"

Those human narrow points of view do reflect to most of the human in this world.
Like conflict, arguing and figthing in family.

Member/sister A : "ITS, YOUR FAULT NOT MINE. YOU ARE WRONG. I AM RIGHT
Member/brother A : "NO, ITS YOUR FAULT. NOT MINE"

Back to Sancho mind : "Ten Hag was wrong. I am right"... so he need to respond.
Ten Hag mind : He stand on his point of view. That a player is not allow to confront him in public. So in this case and from his point of view. Jadon Sancho was wrong and still hasn't play for United again. Then it lead to one player/RW lesser available. It weakened the team a bit.


So that were one of the example how our human can react. From our human narrow point of view. We grow up and rise up with this narrow point of view. Society of the human is created like this. Even from the lowest to the highest status like presidents. Presidents in this world still blame each others. It's your fault, only your fault. And you are the only one to blame. I have nothing to do with it = narrow point of view.

+ Now how to solve, find the solution and change the perspective. On how we human looks on things:

Human narrow point of view : Your fault + Only your fault + Only your fault + = lead to the conflict. We just blame others = scapegoat


Change to the wider, bigger picture and enligtened point of view. Like in the first post :

The conflict result of = The game/football + The reporter + Ten Hag + Jadon Sancho + The earth + The Sun + and etc etc + more other factors, reasons and ingredients. That will lead to conflict.


So the point is. If Jadon Sancho knew that "The reporter" do play big part in this conflict" That asked Ten Hag that crucial question. That lead to Ten Hag answers. Then he will not throw all the hates and blame, only on Ten Hag.
Ten Hag was asked and served a question he just answered really quick. But the key point is. If the reporter didn't ask about Jadon Sancho or in the harmony world if the reporter wasn't there. This conflict will not exist.

In other words. Ten Hag and Sancho conflict depend and relate that "the reporter" exist.

Same go towards Ten Hag. He should take the reporter in the counting. In the conflict too. Only Sancho fault. Same as Sancho.

Then with this wider pespective and point of view. We can all blame the game too, the name of the game. Like not all players will be in the match day squad. Ten Hag as a manager/head coach will not be able to satisfy every of his players. That is part of the game of football.
So this point is. When you first join the game of football. As a really really young kid. Started playing football. At any level. You might be left out of the team or not playing as much as you wish and want.
So with this point of view. You can only blame on the head coachers and theirs team.

And from Ten Hag, head coach point of view. That not every players and human will reach and respond the same way or with the most ideal respond. Players are like childs of a fathers. Not every childs and sons will respond the same way.
And with the social media in this time and area. It can be a option or place to respond theirs frustration. Not everything will go and happen as we thought and wish.

Same for family and world's conflict. We will solve many problems and conflict. If we change our human narrow point of view to a more wider perspective/point of view. That is more in common with the truth and right perspective. The process "Interpendence " That everything are depend on each others to lead to a situation/something/result. And a conflict is a result of that.


Again. Don't only blame. Only on one specific person/player. We can blame the game, the sun to makes the earth exist. Then on the earth. We all know that many others ingredients, factors and reasons. Depend on each others that will lead to something. That just appear and exist, for shortly. Not permanent. Like a dream. So welcome to the "The theatre of dream " . Welcome to Old Trafford. Just blame on ours dreams.

The game/ of football. The earth. The sun will not complain much. If we complain and blame them. Just us human with a narrow point of view. Will react, defend and respont. In many many different ways. Because we all see things differents. From our stand point of view.



From Ten Hag's point of view : "It's a nr.9 and Sancho is not allow to react and respond like that"

6

From Jadon Sancho stand point of view : "Ten Hag was wrong. It's nr.6. And i am allow to respond like that


So then we can see what will happen further. If both of them keep theirs point of view. The conflict will never be solve. Both of them will never talk to each others again. Never say hi to each others again.
BUT. If we human use one of ours ability that is "the reflect ability ". Reflect and change our point of view and how we look on things and situations in this life. We will solve many problems and conflict. We all do play ours part. Not only one human alone. Not a chance.

Like achieving success. We can't and not been able to success alone. Then it will be the same with conflicts in a football and everywhere in this world.

The cliche quote : "It's need 2 persons to make a dance". But due to the wider and enlightend perspective. There are many many others ingredients, factors and reasons that are leading to all conflict in the world.


So that are mine thoughts. Don't blame the kids. Most of them still have a narrow point of view. Still not grow up and defend and react really instinctive. So don't expect them to react like fully grow up and wise peoples.

Again we all grow up and born into this world and this world are creating around a narrow point of view. But the positive is. We all human as the ability to reflect. Reflect and observe our mind and situation from a wider perspective. Then many conflict will be solve. And we will rise ability of forgiveness, let go and move on too.

If not we will forever keep hating and still blaming others family members, spouser or whoever. We all do play part.
 
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