Keane - An 'Immaculate' Loser
I AM sitting here, on Tuesday night, inside Mick McCarthy's tent, wondering exactly what I should tell you, the good Irish people about Roy Keane.
Keano, as he likes to be known, is currently outside peeing in with the force of a typhoon. He is attempting to drown the tent and all inside it as he pees venom and vitriol in all our directions. Those inside are faced with a dilemma. Mick, wise man that he is, is keeping
his counsel as the pee hits the fan. The rest of us have to make up our own minds, me included.
Should I now stay faithful to my old friend, the lord of the tent, and tell you that Keano is the biggest spoiled brat to come out of Ireland since your man out of Boyzone? Should I tell you how half the country is laughing at Roy, and the other half feels sorry for the poor wee fellow from Cork who is more sinned against than sinning? Should I quote my other mate Jack Charlton about how the easiest thing in the
world right now is to sit back and laugh as we watch Roy Keane dig a hole, a very big hole, outside the tent?
Well, folks, I have decided to take a surprising stand. I have a favor to ask of all of you, a little request to make from me to you, good people. I want you to go out next month and spend some hard earned money. I want you all to buy a soccer book. No, I don't want you to buy my forthcoming book on Mick McCarthy. Not unless you absolutely want to. No, if you only buy one book from home in time for this Christmas, I want you all to make sure it's the Roy Keane biography.
In fact, if you only buy one soccer book in your lifetime, please ensure it is Eamon Dunphy's wonderful new account of life as Roy Keane. Heck, if you can't even read, buy it and get someone else to engage you with the wonderful prose, the hard hitting truths and the lurid self-depreciation of one of the world's greatest players.
And then, when you're finished digesting the greatest sports book of all time about the greatest footballer of all time and written by the
greatest journalist of all time, give me a call. And I'll let you in on a few secrets that aren't contained inside the pages of Eamon and Roy's vendetta catalogue, otherwise known as The Autobiography - Keane.
When you make that call, I'll tell you what it's really like to know The two sides of Roy Keane, national icon and international treasure, according to the radio Muppet Dunphy. I'll let you know exactly how hysterical it is to listen to Eamo on his own radio show describe Roy Keane as an "immaculate" human being, the same Roy who has brawled his way across England and Ireland and ended up in a Cork court after calling a neighbor's child a whore.
I'll tell you what it feels like to be Alf Inge Haaland, the Manchester City midfielder whose career now hangs on a thread because Keane deliberately, as he reveals in his book, butchered him in a derby game two seasons ago. I'll let you know how several young Irish players were so intimidated by Keane's presence in the international squad that they dreaded his arrival at the Dublin Airport hotel, how they hated his
very presence on the team bus.
I'll tell you how he refused a request from Sunderland football club - not from me, by the way - to cooperate with Niall Quinn's testimonial
program because he severely dislikes loveable Niall. I'll tell you how jealous he is of Steve Staunton that he deliberately set out to castigate Ireland's real World Cup captain before the tournament began.
Maybe I'll explain, to you and Eamon, that it was Richard Dunne who sat beside Niall Quinn on a flight to Barcelona from Cyprus, and not Derek
Dunne as stated in Tuesday's serialization in London's Times. As an aside, the only Derek Dunne I know who played football was also a drug dealer and was killed in Amsterdam a couple of years back.
And, if you're really lucky, I'll even tell you what it's like to pick Roy Keane out of his own puke in a Manchester Airport hotel bar, as I
did some years back only days before his first European Cup appearance for United. Now, to be honest, I regret I didn't leave him to drown in
his own vomit, though he is making rather a good stab at that himself as we speak.
I have to come clean here. Of course, folks, I am "bitter and twisted," according to some. when it comes to Roy Keane. I am even cast as "Mick's mate" in Keane's book, literally, and that is akin to dancing with the devil in the eyes of the man who can now do absolutely no wrong in any regard. So don't believe anything I tell you about Roy Keane unless you want to.
And if you want to, let me explain a few facts about our Roy, the man who is so perfect now at everything he does. In his time, as he admits
in his book, Roy was king of the thugs. That's why the aforementioned Alf Inge Haaland has barely kicked a ball in the 18 months since Roy
exacted revenge for a previous encounter at Elland Road. As Haaland lay on the ground, Keane reveals, he looked at him and he said, "Take that you c***." Role model stuff, indeed.
He likes his language, does our Roy. Saved some of the best of it for Saipan when he branded Mick McCarthy everything from an "effing c***" to an "effing w****r in the course of an eight minute tirade of abuse. Why? Was it because Mick accused Keane of feigning injury ahead of
Ireland's game against Iran, as Keano and his Muppeteer Dunphy would have you believe?
Was it heck. There were 32 other people in that room that night, and not one of them heard Mick accuse Keane of feigning injury. That is definitely a Roy Keane/Eamon Dunphy exclusive. So is their use of vulgar language. The only foul and abusive language in Mick McCarthy's book comes when he quotes Keane in that Saipan meeting.
Yes, Mick has been known to curse from time to time. He lives in a rough man's world where such language is common. But he is also a man of great dignity.
He knows his book will be read by children, the very people that Dunphy claims Keane is a role model for. And he knows, in his heart and soul,
that only one man has let his country down when it mattered in recent years. Roy Keane did not want to play for Jack Charlton or Mick McCarthy, that is clearly evident as he assassinates both men in his Dunphyite words. He didn't even want to play in the game that decided Ireland's World Cup fate in Iran last November, walking out of the team hotel without as much as a word to his teammates as they went off to training and he left for the airport. His apologists forget that.
They also forget that in Saipan, two nights before he was thrown out of the World Cup, Keane quit international football not once but three
times. He told McCarthy he was retiring after the 2002 finals, no matter what happened in Japan or Korea. Now he is claiming that he will play for Ireland again, but only if Mick gets the sack. What about that retirement announcement in the Irish Times, Roy?
Keane even goes so far as to call Mick a comedian in his brilliant book. Well, I have a question for the Roy wonder. Who dressed up in a stupid looking Leprechaun suit to make a television advert for Walkers crisps? Was it Mick McCarthy or Roy Keane? Yes, you guessed right - Roy Keane, the biggest joke of all. Happy reading!
<hr></blockquote>
So what do you think about that?
Irish journo had this to say about Keane
- Thread starter Hornchurch Red
- Start date
Shite sorry , the guys name is
By Cathal Dervan - Irish Voice, 14th Aug 2002
By Cathal Dervan - Irish Voice, 14th Aug 2002
that "journalist" is anything but,hes actually Mick McCarthys luv child-seriously. 
seems to me like that journo has the same serious problems that he claims Roy has...
Keano certainly wont be winning any popularity contests this season. Ah well, he'll have to console himself with his Prem and Champions League winners medals.
He wants to make sure the surgeon who's due to come at him with a scalpel doesnt harbour any grudges
He wants to make sure the surgeon who's due to come at him with a scalpel doesnt harbour any grudges
I don't give a damn about the type of man he is anyway, but he's a good midfielder... For better or worse, till death do us part...
read a great story about Tommy Smyth in the 70's. Liverpool were playing some team (cant remember who) and the other team sent on their substitute. Who again i cant remember the name of but was nicknamed 'The Killer' Some scotch 'hardman'
Apparently during the match this guy had the misfortune of falling over on the pitch near Smyth. Smyth then deliberately stepped on the guys fingers breaking a couple. The guy was helped off the pitch practically in tears and Smyth turned to his team-mates and said with a big grin "well lads, there goes the killer"
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> classic
Apparently during the match this guy had the misfortune of falling over on the pitch near Smyth. Smyth then deliberately stepped on the guys fingers breaking a couple. The guy was helped off the pitch practically in tears and Smyth turned to his team-mates and said with a big grin "well lads, there goes the killer"
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> classic
Cathal Dervan is a disgrace to journalism in this country. Particularly given the fact that he writes for 'Ireland's National Quality Daily Newspaper' - The Irish Independent.
I work for one of the national papers here on an consultancy basis. I can't go into the details of the work I do for reasons of confidentiality. In any case, I have followed Dervan's views over times and have come to one conclusion about the man - he is as bitter and twisted as they come and without question, in case it wasn't obvious, he has an agenda against Keane. That is why he can write that he wished Keane has choked on his own vomit and that is why we see such vitriol in the piece above. More importantly, this excuse for a journalist is McCarthy's man. He is a disgrace.
He desribes Quinn as loveable. I don't find him loveable. He describe Staunton as our true captain. I didn't see that during the qualifying campaign. He then resorts to trying to undermine Keane' argument by pointing out typos in the London Times serialistations. This is typical Dervan straw clutching.
But what is perhaps even more laughable is the argument Dervan builds against Keane directly. Lets examine how each of them don't stand up to scrutiny.
1. The Haaland Incident -
"In his time, as he admits in his book, Roy was king of the thugs. That's why the aforementioned Alf Inge Haaland has barely kicked a ball in the 18 months since Roy exacted revenge for a previous encounter at Elland Road."
Wrong. Keane is not responsible for Haaland's long term injury. Keane kicked the other leg. King of the thugs indeed.
2. Keane's Language -
"Yes Mick has been know to curse in his time"
So its okay for McCarthy to swear and not okay for Keane. McCarthy has more dignity because he knows his book will be read by kids. Typical Dervan hypocrisy. It is okay for McCarthy to curse and swear to high heavens often within earshot of TV mikes that are relayed into homes around the country. But he is the better man because he doesn't record his language in printed form. This isn't an argument Mr. Dervan. This is the last straw you can clutch at, surely?
3. The Iran Game -
"He didn't even want to play in the game that decided Ireland's World Cup fate in Iran last November, walking out of the team hotel without as much as a word to his teammates as they went off to training and he left for the airport. His apologists forget that."
What? Lies lies and more lies. This chain of events has already been well documented by both Roy Keane and Alex Ferguson. And just because Keane didn't tell the rest of the team he wasn't travelling Dervan attempts to undermine him. Surely this is the manager's job. Oh, sorry, this is Ireland we're talking about. Its the manager's job to befriend the gutter press journalists like Dervan.
4. Keane's Retirement From International Football -
Dervan claims Keane apologists forget about this. Wrong again Dervan. We remember. We know why Keane announced he would retire after the WC and how he wasn't given the opportunity to follow through on that declaration. McCarthy couldn't and wouldn't let Keane retire with any modicum of dignity. He had to boot him out. Big man our Mick. Little prick our Cathal.
5. Keane's Walker's Crisps Commercials -
Sorry there was another straw to clutch at. It would appear that while McCarthy couldn't earn a euro for sponsorship and advertising appearances over the last WC our Roy was everywhere from 7 Up to Crisps. Maybe now we get a hint of what McCarthy's real problem with Keane was. Big Mick couldn't handle his star player stealing the limelight from "his" team. The team that Mick built eh?
And that is the argument the Dervan builds. Not much of an argument really is it? Well guess what, he's not much of a journalist and not much of a person. We'll be hearing a lot more from Dervan when McCarthy's Whitewash Sterilised "Swear Free" Book comes out. Think about what is saying. Think about what a bitter little man he is. Think of how is asked fans to boo Roy Keane prior to an international. Think of how he has helped drive a wedge between Irish football and Roy Keane. Think of the way other he and journalists speculate and write mistruths about Keane, his family and his personal life and make your own judgements. I did a long time ago.
I work for one of the national papers here on an consultancy basis. I can't go into the details of the work I do for reasons of confidentiality. In any case, I have followed Dervan's views over times and have come to one conclusion about the man - he is as bitter and twisted as they come and without question, in case it wasn't obvious, he has an agenda against Keane. That is why he can write that he wished Keane has choked on his own vomit and that is why we see such vitriol in the piece above. More importantly, this excuse for a journalist is McCarthy's man. He is a disgrace.
He desribes Quinn as loveable. I don't find him loveable. He describe Staunton as our true captain. I didn't see that during the qualifying campaign. He then resorts to trying to undermine Keane' argument by pointing out typos in the London Times serialistations. This is typical Dervan straw clutching.
But what is perhaps even more laughable is the argument Dervan builds against Keane directly. Lets examine how each of them don't stand up to scrutiny.
1. The Haaland Incident -
"In his time, as he admits in his book, Roy was king of the thugs. That's why the aforementioned Alf Inge Haaland has barely kicked a ball in the 18 months since Roy exacted revenge for a previous encounter at Elland Road."
Wrong. Keane is not responsible for Haaland's long term injury. Keane kicked the other leg. King of the thugs indeed.
2. Keane's Language -
"Yes Mick has been know to curse in his time"
So its okay for McCarthy to swear and not okay for Keane. McCarthy has more dignity because he knows his book will be read by kids. Typical Dervan hypocrisy. It is okay for McCarthy to curse and swear to high heavens often within earshot of TV mikes that are relayed into homes around the country. But he is the better man because he doesn't record his language in printed form. This isn't an argument Mr. Dervan. This is the last straw you can clutch at, surely?
3. The Iran Game -
"He didn't even want to play in the game that decided Ireland's World Cup fate in Iran last November, walking out of the team hotel without as much as a word to his teammates as they went off to training and he left for the airport. His apologists forget that."
What? Lies lies and more lies. This chain of events has already been well documented by both Roy Keane and Alex Ferguson. And just because Keane didn't tell the rest of the team he wasn't travelling Dervan attempts to undermine him. Surely this is the manager's job. Oh, sorry, this is Ireland we're talking about. Its the manager's job to befriend the gutter press journalists like Dervan.
4. Keane's Retirement From International Football -
Dervan claims Keane apologists forget about this. Wrong again Dervan. We remember. We know why Keane announced he would retire after the WC and how he wasn't given the opportunity to follow through on that declaration. McCarthy couldn't and wouldn't let Keane retire with any modicum of dignity. He had to boot him out. Big man our Mick. Little prick our Cathal.
5. Keane's Walker's Crisps Commercials -
Sorry there was another straw to clutch at. It would appear that while McCarthy couldn't earn a euro for sponsorship and advertising appearances over the last WC our Roy was everywhere from 7 Up to Crisps. Maybe now we get a hint of what McCarthy's real problem with Keane was. Big Mick couldn't handle his star player stealing the limelight from "his" team. The team that Mick built eh?
And that is the argument the Dervan builds. Not much of an argument really is it? Well guess what, he's not much of a journalist and not much of a person. We'll be hearing a lot more from Dervan when McCarthy's Whitewash Sterilised "Swear Free" Book comes out. Think about what is saying. Think about what a bitter little man he is. Think of how is asked fans to boo Roy Keane prior to an international. Think of how he has helped drive a wedge between Irish football and Roy Keane. Think of the way other he and journalists speculate and write mistruths about Keane, his family and his personal life and make your own judgements. I did a long time ago.
Football or whatever--what we have here is two Irish guys who don't like each other. This is news?
The world would be a better place (though not necessarily more peaceful) if more people told it straight like Roy. Love him or loathe him, you've got to admit he's been honest with his side of the story in his book. No punches pulled, not even on himself.
Now we'll have to see if Mick McCarthy is the same. I doubt anyone who's criticised Roy so far, including all the journos in England can do what Roy did.
Let ye who casts the first stone...
Now we'll have to see if Mick McCarthy is the same. I doubt anyone who's criticised Roy so far, including all the journos in England can do what Roy did.
Let ye who casts the first stone...
Gazza beat his wife, pissed his talent against a wall, won little, ended up in the Priory a broken man and is loved by all.
Keane, a hardman, confines his aggression to the pitch, has, with less natural talent than Gazza become one of the best players in the world, won everything, has always been honest (if unpleasant) and is hated by everyone.
Go figure.
Keane, a hardman, confines his aggression to the pitch, has, with less natural talent than Gazza become one of the best players in the world, won everything, has always been honest (if unpleasant) and is hated by everyone.
Go figure.
Quality journalism from an intellectual genius.
It's nice to know Miick McCarthy has got at least one other person on his planet. from the sound of it, they should be very happy together <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" />