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ARSENAL
(Tune: Volare)
Vieira, oh oh
Vieira, oh oh oh oh
He comes from Senegal
He plays for Arsenal
(Tune: When the Saints Go Marching In, sung to Tottenham fans) You won the league in black and white
You won the league in black and white
You won the league in the 60s
You won the league in black and white
(Tune: Hot, Hot, Hot)
Richard Wright, Wright, Wright
ASTON VILLA
(Tune: Guantanamera)
Juan Pablo Angel
There¹s only Juan Pablo Angel
BRIGHTON AND HOVE ALBION
(Tune: It's Amore by Dean Martin)
When the ball hits the goal
It's not Shearer or Cole
It's Zamora
CHILE
(Sung when playing Bolivia)
Let's go to the beach
(In the nineteenth century, Bolivia attacked Chile and, in the ensuing war, Chile took all of Bolivia's coastal territory. Bolivia is now landlocked, one of the main reasons that it's the poorest country in South America.)
COVENTRY CITY
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
We all dream of a team of Gary Breens
A team of Gary Breens
A team of Gary Breens
DERBY COUNTY
(Tune: Rigoletto)
We've got Fabrizio
You've got f**k all-i-o
EAST FIFE
(Tune: The Addams Family, sung about local rivals Cowdenbeath)
They come from near Lochgelly
They're dirty and they're smelly
They huvnae got a telly
The Cowden Family!
FULHAM
(Tune: Volare)
Al Fayed, oh oh
Al Fayed oh oh oh oh
He wants to be a Brit
And QPR are s***
IPSWICH TOWN
(Tune: You're Just Too Good To Be True by Andy Williams)
Matteo Sereni, he comes from Italy
Matteo Sereni, he's better than Wrighty
Matteo Sereni, Tractor Boys number one
LEEDS
(Tune: Babooshka)
Aye-aye! Vi-duka! Vi-duka! Vi-duka! Aye! Aye!
LIVERPOOL
(Tune: You're Just Too Good To Be True)
You're just too good to be true
Can't take the ball off-a you-hoo
You've got a heavenly touch
You pass just like Souness to Rush
When we're all p**sed in the bars
We thank the lord that you're ours
You're just to good to be true
Can't take the ball off-a-you
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie Gerrard, Oh Stevie, Stevie, Stevie Gerrard
(Tune: The Addams Family)
In our defensive foursome
He's absolutely awesome
From corners he will score some
It's Sami Hyypia
(Tune: Lola)
He's got long hair and he's strong as an ox
And he scores great goals from the edge of the box
His name is Berger
Whoa whoa Patrik Berger
(Tune: that old Jacobs Biscuits ad)
If you like Croatian players
We've got Biscan in our club
(Tune: Hey Baby by DJ Otzi)
John Arne Riise (ooh-ah)
I want to know-oh-oh-oh uh-oh
How you scored that goal (clap x7)
NEWCASTLE UNITED
(Tune: Hokey Cokey) Oh, Shola Ameobi, Oh, Shola Ameobi
You do the Ameobi and you turn around, that's what it's all about - sing!
Oh, Shola Ameobi, Oh, Shola Ameobi,
Knees bent, arms bent, Toon, Toon, Toon
(Tune: Rupert The Bear)
Laurent, Laurent Robert
Everyone knows his name
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid's got a f**king monkey's heed, a f**king monkey's heed, a f**king monkey's heed
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid peels bananas with his feet, bananas with his feet, bananas with his feet
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid swings from tree to tree, swings from tree to tree, swings from tree to tree
NORTHERN IRELAND
(Tune: Away In A Manger)
Away in a manger
No crib for a bad
The little lord Jesus
Laid down his sweet head
The stars in the bright sky
Looked down where Healy, Healy, Healy... (repeat for a good ten minutes)
NORWICH
(Tune: We Are Top Of The League, a reference to vigilante farmer Tony Martin)
We shoot burglars
Say we shoot burglars
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
(Tune: Glenn Hoddle's Blue and White Army)
Steffen Freund is a football genius
(clap clap clap, clap c-clap c-clap)
Steffen Freund is a football genius
WEST HAM UNITED
(Tune: Verdi's Rigoletto, to be sung at Liverpool fans)
We've got Di Canio
You've got our stereo
(Tune: Let's All Do The Conga)
Let's all do a Barthez
Let's all do a Barthez
La-la La La (oi)
La-la La La
(To be accompanied by frantic waving, a la the gallant Frenchman as Paolo di Canio shot past him to knock United out of last season's FA Cup)
WIMBLEDON
(Tune: Show Me The Way To Go Home)
Show me the way to Plough Lane
I'm tired and I want to go home
I had a football ground ten years ago
And I want one of my own
Wheeeeeeeeeeen ever I may roam
To Selhurst Park again (f***ing dump!)
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to Plough Lane
ARSENAL
(Tune: Volare)
Vieira, oh oh
Vieira, oh oh oh oh
He comes from Senegal
He plays for Arsenal
(Tune: When the Saints Go Marching In, sung to Tottenham fans) You won the league in black and white
You won the league in black and white
You won the league in the 60s
You won the league in black and white
(Tune: Hot, Hot, Hot)
Richard Wright, Wright, Wright
ASTON VILLA
(Tune: Guantanamera)
Juan Pablo Angel
There¹s only Juan Pablo Angel
BRIGHTON AND HOVE ALBION
(Tune: It's Amore by Dean Martin)
When the ball hits the goal
It's not Shearer or Cole
It's Zamora
CHILE
(Sung when playing Bolivia)
Let's go to the beach
(In the nineteenth century, Bolivia attacked Chile and, in the ensuing war, Chile took all of Bolivia's coastal territory. Bolivia is now landlocked, one of the main reasons that it's the poorest country in South America.)
COVENTRY CITY
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
We all dream of a team of Gary Breens
A team of Gary Breens
A team of Gary Breens
DERBY COUNTY
(Tune: Rigoletto)
We've got Fabrizio
You've got f**k all-i-o
EAST FIFE
(Tune: The Addams Family, sung about local rivals Cowdenbeath)
They come from near Lochgelly
They're dirty and they're smelly
They huvnae got a telly
The Cowden Family!
FULHAM
(Tune: Volare)
Al Fayed, oh oh
Al Fayed oh oh oh oh
He wants to be a Brit
And QPR are s***
IPSWICH TOWN
(Tune: You're Just Too Good To Be True by Andy Williams)
Matteo Sereni, he comes from Italy
Matteo Sereni, he's better than Wrighty
Matteo Sereni, Tractor Boys number one
LEEDS
(Tune: Babooshka)
Aye-aye! Vi-duka! Vi-duka! Vi-duka! Aye! Aye!
LIVERPOOL
(Tune: You're Just Too Good To Be True)
You're just too good to be true
Can't take the ball off-a you-hoo
You've got a heavenly touch
You pass just like Souness to Rush
When we're all p**sed in the bars
We thank the lord that you're ours
You're just to good to be true
Can't take the ball off-a-you
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie Gerrard, Oh Stevie, Stevie, Stevie Gerrard
(Tune: The Addams Family)
In our defensive foursome
He's absolutely awesome
From corners he will score some
It's Sami Hyypia
(Tune: Lola)
He's got long hair and he's strong as an ox
And he scores great goals from the edge of the box
His name is Berger
Whoa whoa Patrik Berger
(Tune: that old Jacobs Biscuits ad)
If you like Croatian players
We've got Biscan in our club
(Tune: Hey Baby by DJ Otzi)
John Arne Riise (ooh-ah)
I want to know-oh-oh-oh uh-oh
How you scored that goal (clap x7)
NEWCASTLE UNITED
(Tune: Hokey Cokey) Oh, Shola Ameobi, Oh, Shola Ameobi
You do the Ameobi and you turn around, that's what it's all about - sing!
Oh, Shola Ameobi, Oh, Shola Ameobi,
Knees bent, arms bent, Toon, Toon, Toon
(Tune: Rupert The Bear)
Laurent, Laurent Robert
Everyone knows his name
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid's got a f**king monkey's heed, a f**king monkey's heed, a f**king monkey's heed
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid peels bananas with his feet, bananas with his feet, bananas with his feet
(Tune: Yellow Submarine)
Peter Reid swings from tree to tree, swings from tree to tree, swings from tree to tree
NORTHERN IRELAND
(Tune: Away In A Manger)
Away in a manger
No crib for a bad
The little lord Jesus
Laid down his sweet head
The stars in the bright sky
Looked down where Healy, Healy, Healy... (repeat for a good ten minutes)
NORWICH
(Tune: We Are Top Of The League, a reference to vigilante farmer Tony Martin)
We shoot burglars
Say we shoot burglars
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
(Tune: Glenn Hoddle's Blue and White Army)
Steffen Freund is a football genius
(clap clap clap, clap c-clap c-clap)
Steffen Freund is a football genius
WEST HAM UNITED
(Tune: Verdi's Rigoletto, to be sung at Liverpool fans)
We've got Di Canio
You've got our stereo
(Tune: Let's All Do The Conga)
Let's all do a Barthez
Let's all do a Barthez
La-la La La (oi)
La-la La La
(To be accompanied by frantic waving, a la the gallant Frenchman as Paolo di Canio shot past him to knock United out of last season's FA Cup)
WIMBLEDON
(Tune: Show Me The Way To Go Home)
Show me the way to Plough Lane
I'm tired and I want to go home
I had a football ground ten years ago
And I want one of my own
Wheeeeeeeeeeen ever I may roam
To Selhurst Park again (f***ing dump!)
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to Plough Lane