Ari: People, staff meeting has been cancelled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang raped
Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don’t steal other people’s motherfecking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I’m going to take everyone! Your B-level sitcom stars, your reality TV writers. When I’m done with you you’ll be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog Faced bitch Boy, call Josh Winefeck. The lightweight pen stealing feck face. (Takes a sip of Josh’ drink): That’s awful!
Lloyd: What's wrong? Ari: Has so much cum squirt in those eyes you can't see what's right in front of your face? Amanda Daniels takes that job, Vince is fecked and I'm fecked. Which means we're all fecked!
Werner: This conversation is over. Ari: Nothing is over. When I'm done with you it will make the battle of Normandy look like game of fecking paintball.
Ari: Is that the way they drive in Tiananmen Square, bitch?
Ari: You wanna hug it out? Let's hug it out bitch.
Ari: I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun, tell her that I’m gonna start a website. I will take a full page ad out in the L.A. Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called imahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I Want A fecking Call Back!
Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me Ari? Ari: Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd..
(Ari calls Vince about E talking to Ari behind his back) Ari: You know that your man has broken out of the Oompa-Loompa factory and is up to no good?
(Mrs. Ari suggests that Ari is afraid of Terrence) Ari: I'll beat that old feck and throw him in the pool. (To his kids
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Only Daddy speaks that way!
E (answering an early phone call): Why, Ari?? Why? Ari: I'm in bed E, talk dirty to me. E: It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Ari: What are you wearing? E: feck you! Ari: I love when you say feck, say it again.
Ari: It's all gonna be fine. E: How? Ari: Because the Jew has arrived and he doesn't like Germans!
Ari: feck the phones Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency tittie feck, DON'T ANSWER!
(Ari is about to leave his kid's birthday party for business) Mrs. Ari: Where are you going? Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant. Where do you think I'm going?
Ari (to his wife): You need to trust me the way you trust your daddy's trust fund. I mean, you call them personal savings, but you haven't saved shit personally.