Nicked from the m-u-f-c.co.uk board
ARSENAL
Loathe them or hate them this is the team to beat unfortunately. In a ideal
world this lot would be struggling in division 2 if only so their fans could
actually get to feel what it's like to experience a bit of hardship. Instead
they have the all round complete team which is going to top the lot again
this season.
Predicted Position : 1st
Media friendly rating : 5 - Strictly an love/hate relationship amongst the
hacks in their attitudes towards the Gooners. To be honest they have never
been given full credit for their achievements.
Fans rating : 3 - spoilt, pampered and unappreciative.
ASTON VILLA
Uninspiring, dull and trophy less for as long as I care to remember. They
briefly hailed themselves as the role model 'English' team under John 'look
at me' Gregory until they once again faded into mediocrity. Their messiah
Graham Taylor is back ( he got them promoted once you know) and the only
thing they've got to look forward to this season is their local derby
against Birmingham. You always know it's time for the season to start when
Villa exit Europe.
Predicted Position : 8th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Very much in favour . Why? Perhaps because of
the media's love for all things mediocre.
Fans rating : 3 - Largely an insignificant lot who summed up the height of
their ambitions following their 2000 FA cup final defeat by singing
'Ingerland, Ingerland' and 'We've got more English players than you'. It
highlighted the difference in gulf between the teams on and off the pitch.
BOLTON
This mob seem more obsessed with hating Man Utd than anything else. This is
the team that gave us Gudjohnsen so they're alright by me. Their so called
'old school' manager has completely turned them around though I can't see
them staying up this season. I'll always remember the final game of the 98
season when they needed to beat us to stay up and in return put Everton
down. Every time they attacked we were encouraging them to score! It didn't
work mind but they went down gracefully. Predicted Position : 18th
Media friendly rating : 6 - Hacks seem to be largely indifferent to them so
it's hard to gauge.
Fans rating : 8 - They applauded Gudi on his return to Bolton and have
always appeared fair enough to me.
BIRMINGHAM
They finally huffed and puffed their way into the top flight (indeed they
finished about 15 pts behind 3rd place Wolves and they only managed to win
their play off match on pens) and I can't say anyone is particularly excited
by the prospect of it except possibly Villa. They have in charge an nomadic
and possibly overrated manager plus a history of pointless and disastrous
buys. DEAD Certs to go down. Predicted Position : 20th
Media friendly rating : 6 - See Bolton.
Fans rating : 4 - For some reason they see themselves as a big club despite
having never won a major trophy. Strange.
BLACKBURN
A team that could surprise a few this season especially now they have a
potent strike force. They've fallen heavily since the Walker spend spend
days though they are now slowly and quietly making a minor comeback.
Predicted Position : 7th
Media friendly rating : 8 - Media got all misty eyed and romantic when they
won the league and they seemed to be largely devoid of criticism despite the
short term methods they adopted in achieving success. They do tend to keep a
lower profile these days which is quite an achievement considering they've
got Souness in charge.
Fans rating : 4 - I don't mind them but their vocal support is pretty awful
and unoriginal and can only be described as being on par with Everton or
Newcastle. The archetypal new/glory hunting fans?
CHELSEA
The 3rd most successful team over the last 10 years with 4 gleaming
trophies, 6 cup finals, 10 semi finals and lets not forget (though every non
blue does) that glorious run to the last 8 of the CL in 2000. Hardly
warrants the bemusing tag of underachievers does it? A top 5 finish beckons
though a lot will depend on injuries in what is looking an increasingly
skeleton squad in certain positions . Like any club a lot will depend on the
number of injuries we get or avoid.. Expect a Chelseaesque style season
whereby anything can happen. I'm sure we'll once again destroy the big
spenders of Man Utd, Liverpool and Newcastle. Personally I'd settle for any
kind of victory over the Gooners. Predicted Position : 4th
Media friendly rating : 0 - The most hated team in the country from the
perspective of the press box. These beholders of poisoned pens have showered
Chelsea with cheap, inaccurate ,xenophobic and downright pathetic dribble in
a time when we've enjoyed the most successful period in our history. We will
never forgive or forget. EVER.
Fans rating : 9 - Well no ones perfect!
CHARLTON
Now this is a model for how a club should be run. A decent side and a decent
stadium that makes them a bigger club than the Spanners. Not a bad job done
from old Curbs. I can see another comfortable mid table finish and I imagine
they'll finish higher than a few London clubs I can mention. Predicted
Position : 9th
Media friendly rating : 8 - Even the journo's favour them!
Fans rating : 8 - No problems from where I'm standing though I wish they'd
stop fecking beating us.
EVERTON
I don't know about you but I've never been able to hate this mob even when
they were successful in the 80's. Maybe it's the blue kit or the fact that
the great Pat Nevin ended up playing for them; it could even be a
sympathetic response for them having to live alongside Liverpool fans.
Whatever the reason they are no longer a threat to the elite and appear to
be resigned to a life of bottom half obscurity. Predicted position: 14th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Media like everyone else appear to show a lack
of interest really.
Fans rating : 5 - They have only one song and that involves just the one
word and you can probably guess what that is. The only fans that don't even
bother making an effort at away games.
FULHAM
I'd love to hate them, and believe me I've tried, but I just can't. Despite
Fayed's riches they will always be that friendly hospitable club from down
the road. Even the walk to their ground is pleasant and it still has a feel
of a pre season game when I visit there. They even let us turn them over in
a FA cup semi despite a below par performance from us. They can't score and
this season they could really struggle. On the bright side at least they've
allowed QPR fans can see a bit of prem footie this year. Bless. Predicted
position: 13th
Media friendly rating : 9 - Media treat them as ambassadors of football and
they can do no wrong in their eyes. It could just be a ploy to annoy the
neighbours from the real West London team further down the road.
Fans rating : 3 - A club who appear to have a lot of power and sway but
sadly they lack the real authentic ingredient of mass support as the Villa
park semi debacle clearly showed.
LEEDS UNITED
Where do you start with this wretched lot? Watching their season fall of the
rails radiated a warm feeling to fans everywhere. Even better is the fact
that O'Nearly has gone and we no longer have to here his repetitive post
match snide remarks. A team of Mills, Batty, Viduka and Smith is never going
to be appreciated or liked and here's hoping for a even more rapid decline
under Del boy though to be honest it could be a turning point in their
favour.
Predicted position: 3rd
Media friendly rating : 2 - Strange how they're not compatible as they
deserve each other.
Fans rating : 4 - Not a pretty sight though at least they've got a degree of
passion which can't be said for a lot of other clubs.
LIVERPOOL
This lot will do absolutely anything to win the title whether by means of
having to steal, cheat, or kill. One could argue that the latter method is
being acted out in the way they have bored us all to death as they crawl to
yet another tepid 1-0 win. A classic Liverpool example of their win at all
costs philosophy was displayed at the end of last season when they somehow
managed to get their league game against Blackburn postponed due to their
pending CL quarter final tie ( an unprecedented move as I can't recall other
teams having this benefit). They then refused to play on the rearranged date
as they then decided that they wanted to kick off on the same day of the
Arsenal v Man Utd clash. Cheeky scousers eh? Nonetheless, Gerard Hoolahoop
has built a monster of Frankenstein proportions; he's thrown together
countless body parts of as many players that he can find without much
insight into how the creature will develop. Over the last 10 years they've
just kept buying and buying and for one season it seemed as if one of these
permutations had finally paid off. However you feel this monstrosity is
about to stumble and when it does it is in for a heavy fall. Nevertheless
Hoolahoop is not to be deterred and like any other passionate mad man he
still seems intent on adding more and more features thus making the animal
even more complex and unpredictable. Indeed ultimately this is an ugly
creature by nature ; it's features include 4 arms, 4 legs and 4 eyes which
if you think about it is in harmony with the Pools desire to have at least 4
means of cover for each position. Predicted position: 5th
Media friendly rating : 10 - Adored and loved - put simply they're the
media's great white hope. No hack will rest until Pool have reclaimed the
title and thus they tend to avoid the very criticisms that are labelled at
many other clubs ( buying success, foreign invasion etc ). If you need an
example of the media's double standards and hypocrisy then you need look no
further than this lot.
Fans rating : 4 - Not bad when they're on top but they're not the most
sporting of losers. They appear to think they have a god given right to win
every game. I reckon they should be given a 12 point head start just in case
they fail. We don't want to upset them now do we?
MANCHESTER CITY
This lots saga has run and run and quite frankly it's all got a bit boring
and stale. Who really cares about a high profile team that constantly fails?
Why glorify and glamorise failure? Why do they feel as if they've suffered
more than any other fan? To hear all those City fans continuously bleat on
about their plight would think they were supporting Carlisle. They should do
alright this season and I really hope so otherwise they'll be all rambling
on again about how loyal and courageous they are in supporting City.
Predicted position: 15th
Media friendly rating : 8 - The media love sentimental claptrap and this lot
oblige perfectly.
Fans rating : 4 - The greatest fans in the league is what they'll have you
believe. They paraded a banner displaying this message at half time in their
final game of the season 2 seasons back after they had just been relegated
from the prem. They proved it by 10,000 fans invading the pitch with 3
minutes left as they tried to attack both the fans and supporters of
Chelsea. I don't think Zola has been kicked so hard since.
MANCHESTER UTD
The irony of this lot is that they get accused of not being 'real' fans by
people who have just jumped on the footie bandwagon themselves. Let's face
it, all this ABU stuff is pathetic and stems from pure jealousy and
bitterness. If there is one consistent feature of United's history it's they
have always played great football even before their recent great period. Yes
their manager is a berkshire hunt and they have players who can really annoy
but come on, just look at how many times they've stopped Arsenal and
Liverpool winning the title. Now that can't be a bad thing can it?.
Predicted position: 2nd
Media friendly rating : 8 - Too many friends up there but their success
makes it more bearable.
Fans rating : 7 - They have recently created the wittiest and most original
chants both lyrically and melody wise. They have always stood by their team
and contrary to popular belief the majority of their fans do come from
Manchester. They are let down by thousand of Muppets who wear their shirt
with little understanding of football or anything else for that matter.
That's the price of success.
MIDDLESBROUGH
One of the few sides to have got their cheque book out. It seems that every
summer Boro put in an fair investment on players but the end result always
ends up the same i.e. struggling against relegation. However 'Captain
Marvel' is no longer employed there so maybe things could be different this
year. Not the most romantic place to visit and despite the ground being one
of the most modern it still has the air of despondency and apathy about it.
Predicted position: 10th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Their chairman Gibson seems to be well liked
while the club have the advantage of being based near North East territory
which obviously invites warm reviews.
Fans rating : 3 - Can almost be described as branded fans especially when
you see so many of their fans waving those nauseous gladiator thumb objects.
They sing along to the musical corners and goals as well. For feck's sake!
NEWCASTLE
The team that carries a thousand myths. If you cut through all the nonsense
written about them and their 'glorious' fans you will find that they are the
biggest underachievers since the Premiership began. No club has spent more
money over the last 10 years (170,195,000 million to be precise ) and yet
they've got absolutely nothing to show for it. They came 4th last season and
appear to now think they are 'back' in the big time. Yeah right! Bobby
Robson hadn't even started managing Ipswich when they last claimed a trophy
back in the 60's . Position - 6th
Media friendly rating : 10 - Their fans can do know wrong and as we're
constantly reminded by the media types they have the most passionate, loyal
and vocal support in the world. Oh yes and they're also everyone's favourite
2nd team.
Fans rating : 4 The most passionate, loyal and vocal supporters in the world
eh? Strange then that they were getting crowds of 10,000 less than 10 years
ago while St James park is undoubtedly one of the quietest grounds in the
top flight. This was demonstrated last season when Chelsea visited; even
though they were on top of the league at the time there was an distinct lack
of noise and dare I say it passion. Maybe it's because we were situated so
high up but it's not the first time I've left Newcastle wondering what all
the fuss is about. In a nutshell a Mickey mouse outfit.
SOUTHAMPTON
One of the longest survivors in the top flight and they're definitely part
of the furniture. A real plus in that they have recently grown a distaste
for everything associated with Rottenham; to be honest they can't really
complain seeing as they got nearly 10 million for Dean Richards. Oh and they
managed to get rid of that genius Hoddle. Predicted Position : 12th
Media friendly rating : 6 - They tend to get patronised and only seem to get
mentioned in the last few weeks of the season when they are nearly always
fighting relegation.
Fans rating : 8 - I can't think offhand for any reason to criticise them.
They have a few decent boozers next to their ground as well.
SUNDERLAND
This lot aren't very imaginative when it comes to renaming features of their
club as 'the stadium of light' and 'the black cats' will testify. Then again
they've never had much to shout about so I suppose it's understandable that
they want to glamorise the nature of their club. After all a certain Ian
Porterfield is seen as one of their all time legends.
Media friendly rating - 7 - Their North East locality naturally makes them a
favourite for those hacks looking for a spot of pathos. A dreamy romantic
reminder of better times.. You get my drift. Predicted Position : 19th
Fans rating : 7 - I have to confess that the Stadium of Light (ahem) is
probably the most vocal ground in the prem and is a distinct improvement on
their old ground when we would sing ' Where's your famous Roker Whore?' or
words to that effect. They travel well and appear a shade more passionate
(God, I hate that word) than their local neighbours.
TOTTENHAM
Ahhh, our old chums at 3 point lane. They are fast becoming our unofficial
nursery team due to their annual hand out of 6pts. Now also known as the
nearly team following their recent audacious dealings in the transfer
market. Don't forget that this a team with a tradition of quality football
especially in the days of monochrome which if you think about it is fairly
ironic. One thing is certain and that's that they are a team who belong
firmly in the vaults of history. Even when the year ends in one doesn't
guarantee them glory these days. They've got their Tottenham back and we are
all ever so pleased for them. One possible solution to their plight could be
for them to swap places with Rangers and Celtic; perhaps they could take
their fellow strugglers West ham with them. It would certainly even both
leagues up a bit. Predicted position: 17th
Media friendly rating : 6 - Once the darlings of the London press and indeed
in the 80's half an newspaper would be dedicated to their exploits. However
now they are generally used as a bit of a side show to the real proceedings.
They do provide many funny moments and quotes to fill a quiet day in the
office many of whom border on the absurd and the ridiculous.
Fans rating : 2 - This lot are in total self denial. They still believe that
they're a big club and they still pretend to be indifferent to Chelsea.
Strange then that they celebrated their 1st win over us for 12 years in a
manner normally reserved for world cup winners. It appears they've even
given up attending away games going by the lack of numbers that turned up at
the Bridge last season..
WEST BROM
Ironic how they finally managed to come up on the year their legendary
Striker Astle died and is reminiscent of the Matthew Harding story. They
have a solid defence and I've got a feeling that they might just stay up.
The only criticism I can label at them is for letting QPR win their one and
only trophy in the 60's. But hey you've just got to let some things go.
Predicted Position : 16th
Media friendly rating - ? - I've no idea though Frank Skinner seems to get
an fair press if that helps.
Fans Rating - 8 - Any team that does the Boing, Boing chant and dance is
fine with me. However being the cynical sort I'm sure I'll find some reason
to dislike them by the time the seasons over.
WEST HAM
And finally we come to the woeful Spanners. They haven't won a away game
since 1965 and apparently Di Canio hasn't played in one since 1999. However
at times they do play wonderful stuff at and lets not forget that they have
a young side (all groomed from THE Academy of course) together with a young
manager who is quietly going about learning his trade. They could win a few
trophies but as any West Ham fan will tell you that's not what it's all
about and they'd know because they're London's finest with a real tradition
of flair and integrity and they won the world cup for England and they're a
family club and and and and SHUT THE feck UP!!!! Predicted Position : 11th
Media friendly - 9 How can the hacks not hate this mob? Perhaps because they
all support them. Yeah, that'll be it.
Fans rating - 2 - Quite literally a bunch of wankers. No culture and no
class.
ARSENAL
Loathe them or hate them this is the team to beat unfortunately. In a ideal
world this lot would be struggling in division 2 if only so their fans could
actually get to feel what it's like to experience a bit of hardship. Instead
they have the all round complete team which is going to top the lot again
this season.
Predicted Position : 1st
Media friendly rating : 5 - Strictly an love/hate relationship amongst the
hacks in their attitudes towards the Gooners. To be honest they have never
been given full credit for their achievements.
Fans rating : 3 - spoilt, pampered and unappreciative.
ASTON VILLA
Uninspiring, dull and trophy less for as long as I care to remember. They
briefly hailed themselves as the role model 'English' team under John 'look
at me' Gregory until they once again faded into mediocrity. Their messiah
Graham Taylor is back ( he got them promoted once you know) and the only
thing they've got to look forward to this season is their local derby
against Birmingham. You always know it's time for the season to start when
Villa exit Europe.
Predicted Position : 8th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Very much in favour . Why? Perhaps because of
the media's love for all things mediocre.
Fans rating : 3 - Largely an insignificant lot who summed up the height of
their ambitions following their 2000 FA cup final defeat by singing
'Ingerland, Ingerland' and 'We've got more English players than you'. It
highlighted the difference in gulf between the teams on and off the pitch.
BOLTON
This mob seem more obsessed with hating Man Utd than anything else. This is
the team that gave us Gudjohnsen so they're alright by me. Their so called
'old school' manager has completely turned them around though I can't see
them staying up this season. I'll always remember the final game of the 98
season when they needed to beat us to stay up and in return put Everton
down. Every time they attacked we were encouraging them to score! It didn't
work mind but they went down gracefully. Predicted Position : 18th
Media friendly rating : 6 - Hacks seem to be largely indifferent to them so
it's hard to gauge.
Fans rating : 8 - They applauded Gudi on his return to Bolton and have
always appeared fair enough to me.
BIRMINGHAM
They finally huffed and puffed their way into the top flight (indeed they
finished about 15 pts behind 3rd place Wolves and they only managed to win
their play off match on pens) and I can't say anyone is particularly excited
by the prospect of it except possibly Villa. They have in charge an nomadic
and possibly overrated manager plus a history of pointless and disastrous
buys. DEAD Certs to go down. Predicted Position : 20th
Media friendly rating : 6 - See Bolton.
Fans rating : 4 - For some reason they see themselves as a big club despite
having never won a major trophy. Strange.
BLACKBURN
A team that could surprise a few this season especially now they have a
potent strike force. They've fallen heavily since the Walker spend spend
days though they are now slowly and quietly making a minor comeback.
Predicted Position : 7th
Media friendly rating : 8 - Media got all misty eyed and romantic when they
won the league and they seemed to be largely devoid of criticism despite the
short term methods they adopted in achieving success. They do tend to keep a
lower profile these days which is quite an achievement considering they've
got Souness in charge.
Fans rating : 4 - I don't mind them but their vocal support is pretty awful
and unoriginal and can only be described as being on par with Everton or
Newcastle. The archetypal new/glory hunting fans?
CHELSEA
The 3rd most successful team over the last 10 years with 4 gleaming
trophies, 6 cup finals, 10 semi finals and lets not forget (though every non
blue does) that glorious run to the last 8 of the CL in 2000. Hardly
warrants the bemusing tag of underachievers does it? A top 5 finish beckons
though a lot will depend on injuries in what is looking an increasingly
skeleton squad in certain positions . Like any club a lot will depend on the
number of injuries we get or avoid.. Expect a Chelseaesque style season
whereby anything can happen. I'm sure we'll once again destroy the big
spenders of Man Utd, Liverpool and Newcastle. Personally I'd settle for any
kind of victory over the Gooners. Predicted Position : 4th
Media friendly rating : 0 - The most hated team in the country from the
perspective of the press box. These beholders of poisoned pens have showered
Chelsea with cheap, inaccurate ,xenophobic and downright pathetic dribble in
a time when we've enjoyed the most successful period in our history. We will
never forgive or forget. EVER.
Fans rating : 9 - Well no ones perfect!
CHARLTON
Now this is a model for how a club should be run. A decent side and a decent
stadium that makes them a bigger club than the Spanners. Not a bad job done
from old Curbs. I can see another comfortable mid table finish and I imagine
they'll finish higher than a few London clubs I can mention. Predicted
Position : 9th
Media friendly rating : 8 - Even the journo's favour them!
Fans rating : 8 - No problems from where I'm standing though I wish they'd
stop fecking beating us.
EVERTON
I don't know about you but I've never been able to hate this mob even when
they were successful in the 80's. Maybe it's the blue kit or the fact that
the great Pat Nevin ended up playing for them; it could even be a
sympathetic response for them having to live alongside Liverpool fans.
Whatever the reason they are no longer a threat to the elite and appear to
be resigned to a life of bottom half obscurity. Predicted position: 14th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Media like everyone else appear to show a lack
of interest really.
Fans rating : 5 - They have only one song and that involves just the one
word and you can probably guess what that is. The only fans that don't even
bother making an effort at away games.
FULHAM
I'd love to hate them, and believe me I've tried, but I just can't. Despite
Fayed's riches they will always be that friendly hospitable club from down
the road. Even the walk to their ground is pleasant and it still has a feel
of a pre season game when I visit there. They even let us turn them over in
a FA cup semi despite a below par performance from us. They can't score and
this season they could really struggle. On the bright side at least they've
allowed QPR fans can see a bit of prem footie this year. Bless. Predicted
position: 13th
Media friendly rating : 9 - Media treat them as ambassadors of football and
they can do no wrong in their eyes. It could just be a ploy to annoy the
neighbours from the real West London team further down the road.
Fans rating : 3 - A club who appear to have a lot of power and sway but
sadly they lack the real authentic ingredient of mass support as the Villa
park semi debacle clearly showed.
LEEDS UNITED
Where do you start with this wretched lot? Watching their season fall of the
rails radiated a warm feeling to fans everywhere. Even better is the fact
that O'Nearly has gone and we no longer have to here his repetitive post
match snide remarks. A team of Mills, Batty, Viduka and Smith is never going
to be appreciated or liked and here's hoping for a even more rapid decline
under Del boy though to be honest it could be a turning point in their
favour.
Predicted position: 3rd
Media friendly rating : 2 - Strange how they're not compatible as they
deserve each other.
Fans rating : 4 - Not a pretty sight though at least they've got a degree of
passion which can't be said for a lot of other clubs.
LIVERPOOL
This lot will do absolutely anything to win the title whether by means of
having to steal, cheat, or kill. One could argue that the latter method is
being acted out in the way they have bored us all to death as they crawl to
yet another tepid 1-0 win. A classic Liverpool example of their win at all
costs philosophy was displayed at the end of last season when they somehow
managed to get their league game against Blackburn postponed due to their
pending CL quarter final tie ( an unprecedented move as I can't recall other
teams having this benefit). They then refused to play on the rearranged date
as they then decided that they wanted to kick off on the same day of the
Arsenal v Man Utd clash. Cheeky scousers eh? Nonetheless, Gerard Hoolahoop
has built a monster of Frankenstein proportions; he's thrown together
countless body parts of as many players that he can find without much
insight into how the creature will develop. Over the last 10 years they've
just kept buying and buying and for one season it seemed as if one of these
permutations had finally paid off. However you feel this monstrosity is
about to stumble and when it does it is in for a heavy fall. Nevertheless
Hoolahoop is not to be deterred and like any other passionate mad man he
still seems intent on adding more and more features thus making the animal
even more complex and unpredictable. Indeed ultimately this is an ugly
creature by nature ; it's features include 4 arms, 4 legs and 4 eyes which
if you think about it is in harmony with the Pools desire to have at least 4
means of cover for each position. Predicted position: 5th
Media friendly rating : 10 - Adored and loved - put simply they're the
media's great white hope. No hack will rest until Pool have reclaimed the
title and thus they tend to avoid the very criticisms that are labelled at
many other clubs ( buying success, foreign invasion etc ). If you need an
example of the media's double standards and hypocrisy then you need look no
further than this lot.
Fans rating : 4 - Not bad when they're on top but they're not the most
sporting of losers. They appear to think they have a god given right to win
every game. I reckon they should be given a 12 point head start just in case
they fail. We don't want to upset them now do we?
MANCHESTER CITY
This lots saga has run and run and quite frankly it's all got a bit boring
and stale. Who really cares about a high profile team that constantly fails?
Why glorify and glamorise failure? Why do they feel as if they've suffered
more than any other fan? To hear all those City fans continuously bleat on
about their plight would think they were supporting Carlisle. They should do
alright this season and I really hope so otherwise they'll be all rambling
on again about how loyal and courageous they are in supporting City.
Predicted position: 15th
Media friendly rating : 8 - The media love sentimental claptrap and this lot
oblige perfectly.
Fans rating : 4 - The greatest fans in the league is what they'll have you
believe. They paraded a banner displaying this message at half time in their
final game of the season 2 seasons back after they had just been relegated
from the prem. They proved it by 10,000 fans invading the pitch with 3
minutes left as they tried to attack both the fans and supporters of
Chelsea. I don't think Zola has been kicked so hard since.
MANCHESTER UTD
The irony of this lot is that they get accused of not being 'real' fans by
people who have just jumped on the footie bandwagon themselves. Let's face
it, all this ABU stuff is pathetic and stems from pure jealousy and
bitterness. If there is one consistent feature of United's history it's they
have always played great football even before their recent great period. Yes
their manager is a berkshire hunt and they have players who can really annoy
but come on, just look at how many times they've stopped Arsenal and
Liverpool winning the title. Now that can't be a bad thing can it?.
Predicted position: 2nd
Media friendly rating : 8 - Too many friends up there but their success
makes it more bearable.
Fans rating : 7 - They have recently created the wittiest and most original
chants both lyrically and melody wise. They have always stood by their team
and contrary to popular belief the majority of their fans do come from
Manchester. They are let down by thousand of Muppets who wear their shirt
with little understanding of football or anything else for that matter.
That's the price of success.
MIDDLESBROUGH
One of the few sides to have got their cheque book out. It seems that every
summer Boro put in an fair investment on players but the end result always
ends up the same i.e. struggling against relegation. However 'Captain
Marvel' is no longer employed there so maybe things could be different this
year. Not the most romantic place to visit and despite the ground being one
of the most modern it still has the air of despondency and apathy about it.
Predicted position: 10th
Media friendly rating : 7 - Their chairman Gibson seems to be well liked
while the club have the advantage of being based near North East territory
which obviously invites warm reviews.
Fans rating : 3 - Can almost be described as branded fans especially when
you see so many of their fans waving those nauseous gladiator thumb objects.
They sing along to the musical corners and goals as well. For feck's sake!
NEWCASTLE
The team that carries a thousand myths. If you cut through all the nonsense
written about them and their 'glorious' fans you will find that they are the
biggest underachievers since the Premiership began. No club has spent more
money over the last 10 years (170,195,000 million to be precise ) and yet
they've got absolutely nothing to show for it. They came 4th last season and
appear to now think they are 'back' in the big time. Yeah right! Bobby
Robson hadn't even started managing Ipswich when they last claimed a trophy
back in the 60's . Position - 6th
Media friendly rating : 10 - Their fans can do know wrong and as we're
constantly reminded by the media types they have the most passionate, loyal
and vocal support in the world. Oh yes and they're also everyone's favourite
2nd team.
Fans rating : 4 The most passionate, loyal and vocal supporters in the world
eh? Strange then that they were getting crowds of 10,000 less than 10 years
ago while St James park is undoubtedly one of the quietest grounds in the
top flight. This was demonstrated last season when Chelsea visited; even
though they were on top of the league at the time there was an distinct lack
of noise and dare I say it passion. Maybe it's because we were situated so
high up but it's not the first time I've left Newcastle wondering what all
the fuss is about. In a nutshell a Mickey mouse outfit.
SOUTHAMPTON
One of the longest survivors in the top flight and they're definitely part
of the furniture. A real plus in that they have recently grown a distaste
for everything associated with Rottenham; to be honest they can't really
complain seeing as they got nearly 10 million for Dean Richards. Oh and they
managed to get rid of that genius Hoddle. Predicted Position : 12th
Media friendly rating : 6 - They tend to get patronised and only seem to get
mentioned in the last few weeks of the season when they are nearly always
fighting relegation.
Fans rating : 8 - I can't think offhand for any reason to criticise them.
They have a few decent boozers next to their ground as well.
SUNDERLAND
This lot aren't very imaginative when it comes to renaming features of their
club as 'the stadium of light' and 'the black cats' will testify. Then again
they've never had much to shout about so I suppose it's understandable that
they want to glamorise the nature of their club. After all a certain Ian
Porterfield is seen as one of their all time legends.
Media friendly rating - 7 - Their North East locality naturally makes them a
favourite for those hacks looking for a spot of pathos. A dreamy romantic
reminder of better times.. You get my drift. Predicted Position : 19th
Fans rating : 7 - I have to confess that the Stadium of Light (ahem) is
probably the most vocal ground in the prem and is a distinct improvement on
their old ground when we would sing ' Where's your famous Roker Whore?' or
words to that effect. They travel well and appear a shade more passionate
(God, I hate that word) than their local neighbours.
TOTTENHAM
Ahhh, our old chums at 3 point lane. They are fast becoming our unofficial
nursery team due to their annual hand out of 6pts. Now also known as the
nearly team following their recent audacious dealings in the transfer
market. Don't forget that this a team with a tradition of quality football
especially in the days of monochrome which if you think about it is fairly
ironic. One thing is certain and that's that they are a team who belong
firmly in the vaults of history. Even when the year ends in one doesn't
guarantee them glory these days. They've got their Tottenham back and we are
all ever so pleased for them. One possible solution to their plight could be
for them to swap places with Rangers and Celtic; perhaps they could take
their fellow strugglers West ham with them. It would certainly even both
leagues up a bit. Predicted position: 17th
Media friendly rating : 6 - Once the darlings of the London press and indeed
in the 80's half an newspaper would be dedicated to their exploits. However
now they are generally used as a bit of a side show to the real proceedings.
They do provide many funny moments and quotes to fill a quiet day in the
office many of whom border on the absurd and the ridiculous.
Fans rating : 2 - This lot are in total self denial. They still believe that
they're a big club and they still pretend to be indifferent to Chelsea.
Strange then that they celebrated their 1st win over us for 12 years in a
manner normally reserved for world cup winners. It appears they've even
given up attending away games going by the lack of numbers that turned up at
the Bridge last season..
WEST BROM
Ironic how they finally managed to come up on the year their legendary
Striker Astle died and is reminiscent of the Matthew Harding story. They
have a solid defence and I've got a feeling that they might just stay up.
The only criticism I can label at them is for letting QPR win their one and
only trophy in the 60's. But hey you've just got to let some things go.
Predicted Position : 16th
Media friendly rating - ? - I've no idea though Frank Skinner seems to get
an fair press if that helps.
Fans Rating - 8 - Any team that does the Boing, Boing chant and dance is
fine with me. However being the cynical sort I'm sure I'll find some reason
to dislike them by the time the seasons over.
WEST HAM
And finally we come to the woeful Spanners. They haven't won a away game
since 1965 and apparently Di Canio hasn't played in one since 1999. However
at times they do play wonderful stuff at and lets not forget that they have
a young side (all groomed from THE Academy of course) together with a young
manager who is quietly going about learning his trade. They could win a few
trophies but as any West Ham fan will tell you that's not what it's all
about and they'd know because they're London's finest with a real tradition
of flair and integrity and they won the world cup for England and they're a
family club and and and and SHUT THE feck UP!!!! Predicted Position : 11th
Media friendly - 9 How can the hacks not hate this mob? Perhaps because they
all support them. Yeah, that'll be it.
Fans rating - 2 - Quite literally a bunch of wankers. No culture and no
class.
