Originally posted by Davo:
<strong>UEFA and the English FA have today lobbied the English government to let workers have time off next month.
It is not for the World Cup, it is so that all English fans can go into a state of mourning due to the fact that Manchester United have failed to win a single trophy this season.
The FA have realised that production will be down by over 25%, and have asked Tony Blair for a suitable period of mourning so the country can 'get over it'.
UEFA have stepped in to ensure that this never happens again and have come up with a blueprint which they hope will meet with Sir Alex's approval.
(1) All Manchester United's Champions Leagues will now be played at Old Trafford, including all their "away" games. As the Final is already scheduled to take place there, why fix it when it ain't broke.
(2) Every goal scored by Manchester United in the Champions League will now count double. Thus ensuring that what happened last week never happens again.
(3) All goals scored against Manchester United in the Champions League will first be scrutinised by a video ref in the stands, before being allowed to stand.
The FA have followed suit and declared.
(1) All Manchester United's games in the Premiership will take place at Old Trafford.
(2) The referee and assistants will come from a list personally chosen by Sir Alex.
(3) Manchester United will be allowed to make upto 10 changes during a game, including a new strip in the weeks before Christmas.
(4) Any Manchester United player who dives in the penalty area from now on will result in the nearest opponent being sent off.
(5) As 2004 is a Leap Year, Sir Alex has been alloted this extra day two seasons early. Enabling him to add on as much time as he wants at the end of a game if required.
(6) Manchester United's name will be first out of the hat in each round of the FA Cup, followed by a team from the Conference League, if no Conference team is available, one from the 3rd Division will be drawn, and so on. If their are only Premiership teams left in the FA Cup, Manchester United reserve the right to pick the one they want.
(7) The FA Cup Final will be moved from South Wales to Old Trafford, also both Semi Finals will be played there.
Once all these points are in place, we will never have to suffer again next season like we did this season.
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Bloody 'ell Davo, I read this on KopTalk and it wasn't funny then, it ain't funny now either...
Where is that famous scouse sense of humour when you need it?...
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