A SAF’s hairdryer witnessed and commented by Devilish

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devilish

Juventus fan who used to support United
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Sep 5, 2002
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I had witnessed SAF grow mad only in three occasions. Here is one of them

If I remember well it was the summer when Manchester United signed Yorke. SAF was invited to Malta and he took Yorke, Rai, Van Del Gouw, Clegg and Wallwork with him. I remember that the club was filled with supporters who came to the club 2 – 3 hours before just to book a good place. I was assigned by the club to take care of the players inside the premises, something that I always like to do because it enable you to have close contact with the players and develop a good friendship. At about 3 pm SAF came with the players at the club, but Yorke wasn’t there. SAF seemed to be at ease and in a joyful mood. The first thing SAF did was to tell the supporters that Yorke would be there in about 30 minutes due to “important personal issues” and then he joined the supporters, signing autographs and socializing with them. I gave little notice to SAF (which was surrounded by the Supporter’s club committee whom I don’t link so well with) and decided to spend the afternoon talking with Rai whom I consider as one of the most down to earth players in the world. Time passed (about an hour) when suddenly SAF raced angrily from the main room right to the committee room. It was clear that something was wrong. Rai told the lads to leave everything and join the gaffer in the committee room and I escorted them to the committee room.

SAF was furious. His face was red, his eyes were filled with anger. The committee was trying to calm him down but it was in vain

“I will not let Yorke making me look as an idiot that was sure” he roared as he took my mobile (without my permission) and called Yorke on the mobile

From the argument I could understand that Yorke lateness wasn’t due to a personal circumstances but do to the fact that Yorke was doing some extra homework with a Russian whore. SAF was furious with him calling Dwight an idiot and a liar, and threatening him that he would surely fine him for such actions. We stood there silent
As if paralysed by SAF and everyone was surprised by the man who turned from a great gentleman into a monster in a split of a second. When the call finished, SAF looked at everyone right into our eyes, one after the other starting from Rai and finishing with me. He knew that he managed to scare the hell out of us and seemed satisfied of that result. He grinned and said “Yorke is not coming today but Ill sort him out, don’t worry”. Then he walked towards me, gave me the mobile and said “Thanks”. I confess that in my life I was never afraid of anyone, but SAF did managed to scare the hell out of me.

After that he went out, apologized for Yorke whom according to him “didn’t managed to solve his personal problems in time” and left the club with a great smile on his face and as confident and at ease as ever. I admired SAF in how he tackled the problem and the way he protected his players despite the fact that he was furious with him.

Years had passed since then yet the witnesses of that event had never talked with each other about that Summer afternoon when we all witnessed some for the first time SAF hairdryer. I promised myself to do my best not to see it again but unfortunately it wasn’t.
 
Did he really talk like that?

Didn't realise his English was that bad even for a Jock.
 
An Extremely Boring Man said:
Good story

Only one problem

Yorke was signed after the season had started...


You understood it?!
 
devilish said:
Years had passed since then yet the witnesses of that event had never talked with each other about that Summer afternoon when we all witnessed some for the first time SAF hairdryer. I promised myself to do my best not to see it again but unfortunately it wasn’t.

:lol: :wenger:
 
An Extremely Boring Man said:
Good story

Only one problem

Yorke was signed after the season had started...

then it must have been the summer afterwards
 
You were scared by a 60 year old man?

You're some fairy Dev..

I reckon it was all for show due to his embarrassment and Yorke personally letting you down..
 
devilish said:
“I will not let Yorke making me look as an idiot that was sure”


I'm sorry but that's just classic.

:lol:
 
devilish said:
From the argument I could understand that Yorke lateness wasn’t due to a personal circumstances but do to the fact that Yorke was doing some extra homework with a Russian whore on a grassy knoll overlooking the marina.

Years had passed since then yet the witnesses of that slatting event had never sprutted with each other about that Summer afternoon when we all witnessed some for the first time SAF hairdryer. I promised myself to do my best not to see it again but unfortunately it wasn’t.

you should get Eamon Dunphy to ghost-write the rest of your memoirs.
 
Plechazunga said:
Now kf's started posting in Morse Code it seems :wenger:
.. / - .... --- ..- --. .... - / .. - / .-- .- ... / .--- ..- ... - / .- ... / . -. .-.. .. --. .... - . -. .. -. --. / .- ... / -.. . ...- .. .-.. .. ... .... .----. ... / -... --- .-.. .-.. --- -..- .-.-.- / -. --- - / - .... .- - / .. / -.- -. --- .-- / -- ..- -.-. .... / .- -... --- ..- - / - .... .- - / ... ..- -... .--- . -.-. - .-.-.- / -.-. .... .-. .. ... - / .. - .----. ... / -.. .. ..-. ..-. .. -.-. ..- .-.. - / - --- / ..-. . . .-.. / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. / .... .. -- / .. ... -. .----. - / .. - ..--..
 
What the frig is this?

Devilish has finally lost it.
 
devilish said:
Years had passed since then yet the witnesses of that event had never talked with each other about that Summer afternoon when we all witnessed some for the first time SAF hairdryer. I promised myself to do my best not to see it again but unfortunately it wasn’t.

Excellent...

I feel another chapter coming on....hope its as funny as this one
 
Plechazunga said:
Now kf's started posting in Morse Code it seems :wenger:
He he, another classic Cafe forté.

There were threads upon threads in the general at one point with nothing but morse code. feck knows why!
 
An Extremely Boring Man said:
You can't lose something you've never had!
Good point.

Devilish is on weekend release again. ;)
 
kf said:
.. / - .... --- ..- --. .... - / .. - / .-- .- ... / .--- ..- ... - / .- ... / . -. .-.. .. --. .... - . -. .. -. --. / .- ... / -.. . ...- .. .-.. .. ... .... .----. ... / -... --- .-.. .-.. --- -..- .-.-.- / -. --- - / - .... .- - / .. / -.- -. --- .-- / -- ..- -.-. .... / .- -... --- ..- - / - .... .- - / ... ..- -... .--- . -.-. - .-.-.- / -.-. .... .-. .. ... - / .. - .----. ... / -.. .. ..-. ..-. .. -.-. ..- .-.. - / - --- / ..-. . . .-.. / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. / .... .. -- / .. ... -. .----. - / .. - ..--..
:lol:

-.. . ...- .. .-.. .. ... .... .----. ... / -... --- .-.. .-.. --- -.-. -.- ... ..--.. ;)
 
devilish said:
Years had passed since then yet the witnesses of that event had never talked with each other about that Summer afternoon when we all witnessed some for the first time SAF hairdryer. I promised myself to do my best not to see it again but unfortunately it wasn’t.

hhhmmm can't wait for part 2... will you honour us with another posting on RedCafe or will it be pay per view?... or are you still in the process of making it up...;)

Heres a few clues to fit other player stereotypes..

hairdryer for Keane for getting in a fight...
hairdryer for Bosnich for being lazy...
hairdryer for Beckham for shopping...

Good luck...;)
 
If you behave you will have the second part of the trilogy next week ;)


Seriously speaking, I havent made this story up.
 
Dev and demento had a conversation after this event..

-"Sir Ferguson, My name is Devilish...I applaud your slatting of Yorke..he has try to get Cole in threesomes"
- "Who are yoooo? Feck off"
-"I am a coach Italian.....and an IT expert"
-"Feck off"
-"I know I am contraversial, but you should buy some Italians and hire me as your number 2"
-"Feck off....bollox"
 
How did you know Yorkie was with a "russian" whore? Not a family member by any chance? Maybe we could hear her side of the story next?;)
 
so are you and the other cnuts who "witnessed" this some sort of Masonic Lodge who wink at each other in a secret way when you meet in the street or are you all characters who inspired the Author whilst vacationing in Malta to write the book "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" ?
 
oscar74 said:
How did you know Yorkie was with a "russian" whore? Not a family member by any chance? Maybe we could hear her side of the story next?;)

Many Russian whores moved to Malta after WW2...after Malta defeated the Nazis
 
Davo said:
Dev and demento had a conversation after this event..

-"Sir Ferguson, My name is Devilish...I applaud your slatting of Yorke..he has try to get Cole in threesomes"
- "Who are yoooo? Feck off"
-"I am a coach Italian.....and an IT expert"
-"Feck off"
-"I know I am contraversial, but you should buy some Italians and hire me as your number 2"
-"Feck off....bollox"

:lol:
 
oscar74 said:
How did you know Yorkie was with a "russian" whore? Not a family member by any chance? Maybe we could hear her side of the story next?;)

I took that from SAF's conversation with Yorke.
 
Nialler said:
so are you and the other cnuts who "witnessed" this some sort of Masonic Lodge who wink at each other in a secret way when you meet in the street or are you all characters who inspired the Author whilst vacationing in Malta to write the book "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" ?

Hehehe...I liked that bit..

"No one dared speak of what we saw....yet we are somehow linked together by our shared experience...brother if you will, sharing the common sight of Demento going off on one"
 
devilish said:
I took that from SAF's conversation with Yorke.

So basically, SAF snatched your phone, angrily dialled Yorkie's mobile number which he knows off by heart (no, sorry, it's on your personal list), says "Eh Yorkie ya radge where the feck are yae?" Yorkie goes "Oh sorry boss, I'll be along in a minute I'm just being taught a bit of Russian by this whore", and SAF repeats "A what? Yer fecking a fecking Russian fecking whore?..." etc. for the benifit of everyone present. Very plausible actually that.
 
devilish said:
“I will not let Yorke making me look as an idiot that was sure” he roared as he took my mobile (without my permission) and called Yorke on the mobile

The thieving cnut

No wonder there's so much crime in the world if people like you just put up with this behavior, in your made up experiences....

You should have pretended that you'd dapped the cnut, when you fantasised about him taking your phone...
 
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