No sir, my friend. My friends, Senator John McCain is running for this office because he puts the country first, politics second. This country needs a strong hand on the tiller in such desperate times my friends, and that hand belongs to John McCain.
My friends, John McCain has showed his willingness to put country first at nearly every stage of his political career, and indeed his life. From coming fourth from last in his class at the Naval Academy, to crashing three planes outside of combat over the skies of this great nation, to choosing a half-witted woman who doesn't read newspapers and whose expertise comes in one single area, energy, in which she is an expert in the same sense that the King of Saudi Arabia is an expert, since they both sit on top of large quantities of oil and have had to figure out how best to distribute the profits generated from their sale, and this despite the fact that as a 72 year old man who has had four melanomas he would make Palin statistically one of the most likely vice-presidential candidates to have to take over the office of the Presidency, my friends, I have gotten lost in the overly complex structure of this sentence.
So I'll go from my gut. I trust my gut. If there's one thing America is known for around the world, it's the size and strength of our guts. And my friends, my gut says that John McCain believes in America, and is running for office out of a profound sense of duty. A duty to you, the American voter. And to you, the spastic overseas Caf reader. And even to you, Senator Obama, his very honorable opponent who just happens to pal around with terrorists and hate America. But it is out of a duty to us all that John McCain is running for this office my friends, and to suggest that he return home to Arizona now would be to send him home in disgrace, with no honor, and therefore disrespect the sacrifice of our brave men and women handling out buttons at campaign events, and distributing fliers even if they state that his opponent is "an Arab", and shouting out threats (clearly unsolicited!) and accusations about Senator Osama, I mean Obama. In any case, John McCain knows service, and he would not dishonor the service of our brave men and women fighting this honorable campaign. That's just plain silly my friends, and I tell you this from my gut, and with tremendous certainty - John McCain doesn't do silly. If you search your own gut, I'm sure you will see that I am right.
Finally my friends, I feel obligated to point out that Senator John McCain is a Maverick, as is his running mate, Mrs. Governor Palin. For they truly are, in all but the most maverick sense of the word. And would a Maverick return home in a defeat without honor? Certainly not my friends. So to Mr. ooeat0meoo, who has so underestimated the character and moral courage of both Senator McCain and his loyal campaign staff, I say this: You are wrong my friend. Dead wrong.